DH caught red handed

[ColdFeet123]

I was out last night and got home a little earlier than I would normally, around 11.30ish. When I closed the front door I heard DH leap out of his desk chair and leg it into the living room (he's not exactly light on his feet, hence hearing him pelt it across the flat). When I approached the study, I noticed two unusual things: 1. Google was open in explorer and 2. The webcam was placed on the edge of the desk pointing downwards towards, ahem, crotch region.

Now, he only uses safari and NEVER uses explorer and the webcam is always placed on top of the monitor. These two things coupled with the fact that he legged it into the living room and had a very guilty look on his face has concerned me somewhat.

Now I'm massively paranoid that he was doing something that he really shouldn't have been doing. I started panicking and did a little light google research and discovered that some people have found their spouses cheating via Skype and other such tools.

DH has an extensive porn collection and I've known (and accepted) that for years. I don't mind him looking at his, albeit sometimes "different" porn, but I don't think I could cope with him doing the dirty with someone else using a webcam. That just seems a little like cheating to me.

We didn't talk about it last night, I was too furious. And I don't want to lose my sh1t without some hard evidence of what he was up to. Problem is, I have no idea how to go about it. Or am I just being massively paranoid? I can't even look at him today.

This whole thread is about the possible use of interactive porn, vs

OP knows what he has been doing. It's up to her if she sweeps it under the carpet. You are implying that is the only way to react. Others are saying it is not.

Implying what is the only way to react?
the OP said she had already spoken with him and made her decision on moving on from there; specifically that he was to not watch 'ladyboy' porn anymore.

I find it quite a strange resolution, tbh, that from his possible sexual interaction with someone(s) online the OP decides to limit some of the choices he has had pornographically based on gender. The two are quite possibly unrelated and most certainly able to exist without each other.

Ofc, my post might seem unrelated to the original matter but the OP herself had moved on from there and that was what I was commenting on, obviously.

I think OP is focussing on the ladyboy porn because she does not want to deal with the webcam sex.

The 'webcam sex' hasn't been confirmed. Yes, it seems like the easiest suggestion to what was happening but it's not necessarily that.
He may have been videoing or capturing a photograph of his penis for something NON-interactive. A message board or uploads to redtube or similar, for example.
(As an aside there are actually forums for men on which they compare their penises!)
I do hope the OP is able to discuss with her partner what happened and move forward from this but my points on the 'ladyboy' porn still stand - it's firstly not relevant to the situation, and secondly an unfair (imo) limit to place on someone's sexuality and/or pornography habit (If, ofc, pornography is not a no-no).

OP, I'm confused. If this isn't about porn then what is it about? Why did you post if you are happy with his porn use and you assume you found him using porn (forgetting the fact it was likely more because of the camera)?

Do you not consider it "doing the dirty" if he doesn't know the person?

OP has clearly glossed over the fact that her DH might have been showing his cock online during the wank to which he admitted. That's up to her & him to be comfortable with as they see fit.

From my own experience, and having spent 12 years with my exdp and having two children, i discovered that 'the chance' i gave him didnt last. He was soon secretly back to his porn and chat rooms. Its an addiction and hard to break.
I also discovered my exdp was a misogynist...a man who hates every bone in a woman's body, except his!
My advice is to suggest counselling for him or you both. Good luck.

The OP's partner isn't necessarily a misogynist though. Nor an addict.
Also, someone watching porn with their partner's blessing is not the same as someone using chatrooms.
The OP really needs to separate the two things, imo. The usage of porn (which she permits) and whatever he was doing with the webcam. Of course, to do that she needs to find out exactly what was happening with the camera, which she may well have done and feel ok with it but not wish to share with us (especially since there has been so much anti-porn discussion on this thread).

Oh come on, he has a webcam pointed at his dick but he's not having interactive sex with anyone???

The OP very clearly by her last post has intimated that the sweeping under the carpet is what she has decided to go for. All he will do now is cover his tracks better and the OP will pretend he's still not doing it.

Maybe he likes to watch himself wank while he does it?
Maybe he was taking a photograph to add to a messageboard?
Maybe he was videoing it to upload to a porn site?
Maybe he was taking part in 'rate my penis'? - I'm not linking but feel free to google.

There are many, many sexual quirks people have and enjoy, the first thing to come to mind is not necessarily the only explanation.

Well can't he just look at his dick then???
Why a webcam to take a pic?
Well videoing your cock to put online is just fine and dandy isn't it.
Rating his penis, very classy.

All of what you have listed Victorian are indeed as rank as possible.

If he adores his penis that much he'd be better sharing it with his OH, not the world wide web.

Looking at your penis whilst masturbating is not the same as seeing it on screen alongside pornography.

Webcams are sometimes easier to use to take a photograph as you don't need to do the whole arm-angling thing as with a camera/smartphone.

Some people get off on exhibitionism, others enjoy to watch the exhibitionist - who are you to judge if that is ok or not? Surely it only stops being 'ok' if it's non-consensual/harming someone else? In which case, putting a video of your penis on an appropriate site is not really the issue - hiding from your wife that you like to do so, is.

What a load of bollocks.

Of course I will judge, we all do, if I came home to my partner with a webcam pointing at his dick, I wouldn't be saying, oh darling, are you trying to get a better picture than using the camera, or, let me help you take a better cock shot so you can share it with everyone on the internet, yeah. who am I to judge.

And yes, the issue is, what has he been doing, hardly looks harmless does it. And yes, for me, the issue would also be putting his penis on a website, whether an appropriate one or not.

Maybe he was taking a photograph to add to a messageboard?
Maybe he was videoing it to upload to a porn site?

Okay if OP knows about it and doesn't mind. Obviously, she did not know about it because she wouldn't have posted.

And if that actually was the case, OP would have said, it's ok he's explained to me what he was doing with the webcam and I'm okay with that.

But she didn't. She is ignoring the webcam. That's up to her, of course. She is the one that has to live with him, after all.

For YOU the issue would, for the OP, maybe not.

Also, not everyone judges another person's sexual desires/kinks. Personally so long as it consensual and I am not being forced to be a part of it I don't really give a toss what someone else gets off on.

Maybe fairenuff, maybe she didn't want to explain here because she knew the kind of responses she would get if she said she accepted one of the scenarios I mentioned.

Either way, I do agree, as I said, the issue is not what he was doing, necessarily, but the deceit.

I agree with bogeyface, it's the fucked up attitude to women and sex and relationships that is unacceptable. I'd find it such a massive turn off. I just wouldn't want that kind of man, so any pressure put on me to be cool girl and accept it would be wasted. Good luck OP.

You can't be sure that because he has porn he has a bad attitude towards women!

The OP reluctantly accepts his extensive porn collection and you think she may be ok with him using a webcam for sexual kicks, I really would doubt that, Victorian, you are desperately clutching at straws to make this alright, and yes, it's fine by you but clearly not the OP. Just because she has spoken to her OH and has decided by what we can gleam, to brush it under the carpet does not equate to her being A OK with him using a webcam and having his dick out.

Broen, great point, I'd find it a complete turn off too and a massive insult to our sexual relationship.

You can't be sure that because he has porn he has a bad attitude towards women!

No-one looking at porn thinks about the person behind the on-screen persona. No-one wonders if the participant is being threatened, coerced or trafficked or feeding a drug addiction or complying to keep their children safe.

No-one considers the story behind the mother or daughter being displayed on the screen, how they got to a place where they made this decision to participate, if they did actually have any choice. Or, indeed considers the mental health or sexual wellbeing of any woman, or ladyboy for that matter, being used in porn.

No-one, at least, who uses porn purely for their own sexual kicks. I would say that demonstrates a bad attitude towards women and other vulnerable members of society.

It's a sad reflection of society today when even young boys are looking at porn on their tablets and phones and thinking this is normal sexual activity when in most case it is not, the glorification of men and their fantasies and the women who are there for nothing but sexual satisfaction as well as men who have extensive porn collections convincing their partners that it's a man's prerogative if not a need is absolute bollocks and sending out a message that us as women should be cool and accepting is just another way to manipulate.

The OPs OH nearly broke a leg trying to cover up and get to another room to avoid detection, says it all really.

Jan45, yes, and that cant be argued with. Women have a right to find some behaviour repulsively UNattractive to them.

The OP has said time and again she is FINE with him looking at pornography. It was specifically the 'ladyboy' porn she had an issue with so how is she 'reluctantly' ok with pornography?

I also said she may be okay with some of the situations that could have resulted in him having his penis on camera. She has said she would consider it cheating if he were having webcam sex with someone else but that she's not sure if he would - hence her letting him know how she felt rather than going in all guns blazing and kicking him out.

I cannot be sure how liberal the OP and her husband's attitudes are towards sex (she does say he is very liberal - but we all have different levels of what we consider liberal) so I don't know, anymore than YOU do what she would/wouldn't find acceptable.

The outrage at pornography and kink here is not the OP's, but your own. Feel free to be offended all you like and claim she is a victim of misogyny and a cheating 'addict' all you like, just be careful when you take off those knickers you've twisted so fabulously, because hey, someone might decide to be outraged at you doing something that's ultimately none of their damn business.

Victorian, is Ladyboy porn not porn then?

She says she's fine with the rest...., if he has an extensive collection do you really think she has went through it all, highly unlikely, she's accepted it probably because she felt she had to, i.e., live and let live, doesn't mean given the choice she'd have encouraged her partner to stock up! Not once has the OP said she's into porn herself, I'd imagine given the nature of her post, she would have intimated this by now.

If the main point of someone's thread is pornography then I can assure you I am more than happy to put my view across about it and make no apologies for that, what do you want me to say, the OP has accepted it so therefore so should I and everyone else and pretend the exploitation of women is actually alright cos men say so?

There are all levels of porn, the soft stuff is fine, no problem, it's the hard core stuff that fucks up young men's minds and gives a completely false sense of the roles of men and women's sexuality.

It's not outrage, it's an opinion and I think we are on an internet forum so all views are welcome here.

Sexual exploitation is everyone business, if they actually give a fuck.

of course this bloke has a bad attitude towards women...he lies to his wife for a start