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Original poster

Inviting a Crossdresser on your Hen Night

601 replies

rachelmonday1 · 04/04/2014 16:08

I'm actually a guy that enjoys crossdressing and am very fortunate to have a number of female friends, one of whom is getting married and has invited me to join her friends on her Hen Night. I don't look too bad when I'm dressed as Rachel and often go out with the girls with no problems.

I'm happily married and my wife understands the "Rachel" side of me, but thinks it's odd that a girl would invite a crossdresser on her Hen Night.

Any views out there?

OP posts:
Offred · 07/04/2014 18:26

You only made the point about sex chap because you were trying for a rolly eyed "oh it's the crazy feminists again" comment... Other than to make a look how crazy you people are comment that point was completely and utterly irrelevant to anything you said or anything that has Ben said on this thread.

Tip- if you don't really the thread you are likely to make a stupid comment that makes you look like a dick... Perhaps you should read the thread therefore.

Offred · 07/04/2014 18:26

*read

OneMoreChap · 07/04/2014 19:01

i) where do I say anything that faintly resembles "where [you] are all going wrong with what you have written"
ii) bait? Nah, some confusion because views on PIV = rape seem to be equally hard to process as some of the views on trans issues - and particularly TERF (thank you) views on it.
iii) Offred I refer you to the reply given in Arkell and Pressdram

[Actually, FWIW, I pointed out I had all sorts of conflicts about this stuff, but then my views are worth what you paid for them]

YouAreMyRain · 07/04/2014 19:49

Oh I get it now! Onemorechap finds some of the points of view on this thread (that he hasn't read) confusing so he's randomly thrown in some other stuff he finds confusing as well. (Purely coincidental that they are issues linked to feminism and that this thread has been discussing sexism - silly me!)

In case we doubt his intellectual authority on ...erm...confusing stuff(?) he has linked to some other stuff what other people wrote.

He is sooo clever (even if he's wading in with irrelevant stuff, he likes us to sit up and take notice of his presence)

Offred · 07/04/2014 19:54

Could you be any more arrogant?

If you want to express a coherent view in a discussion rather than come across as making generalised attacks on women you have decided to group together for some reason then just read the thread before commenting... Simple...

Otherwise what you are really doing is saying "I haven't read the thread but I'm going to assume I know what has been said anyway because you're those feminists, and I know what they all think/say already" it makes you look ridiculous. Why would anyone would want to read your "contribution" when you're proud of being ignorant of what's on the thread and still insisting you have something worth adding!

cardamomginger · 07/04/2014 21:35

What does cis mean?

kim147 · 07/04/2014 21:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cardamomginger · 07/04/2014 21:52

Kim - are you talking to me? If so, I still have absolutely no idea what it means!

Is it an acronym or abbreviation? Is it used to describe someone who maintains their identity in accordance with the gender they were born with (not factoring in intersex babies)? Or vice versa?

Your first comment suggests in may be derogatory in some way?

cardamomginger · 07/04/2014 21:52

Thanks though Grin!

cardamomginger · 07/04/2014 21:54

Ah - just googled it in conjunction with transgender! Makes sense.

(If you just google cis on its own, you get the Construction Industry Scheme or Commonweath of Independent States!)

kim147 · 07/04/2014 21:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pasithea · 07/04/2014 22:12

Oh fuck off. Guy has very nicely been asked to go on a hen night by someone who appreciates him as her and does not care or mind. Why do people have to make a big thing about feminism etc. so bloody what.

Op. Be who you want on your night out , wear what you want on your night out. Be happy that you are accepted as whoever by friends and your wife. And that they are not bigoted or embarrassed to be seen with you. Live your life as you seem fit.

Congratulations on living your choice and having the guts to go through with it. You are a very lucky. Dude.

Grennie · 07/04/2014 22:17

Cis means having your gender identity in line with your biological sex. It is assumes that everyone who is not transgender is happy with their gender identity. Lots of feminists are not happy with the gender identity of "woman" and are fighting against it.

It is a controversial term.

cardamomginger · 07/04/2014 22:24

Ah. OK. Yup. Makes sense. Thanks.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 07/04/2014 22:26

Forgive me, I've been steering clear of this thread, but I will say - grennie, I don't think it's that (for me, I may be a minority).

I think the issue for me is that some people are not sure they have a gender identity, and are not sure gender identities help here. There are plenty of people who would sooner see us not use terms like 'cis' and 'trans', yes, but plenty of those people would also rather that it came as a strange idea to divide people into groups as 'men' and 'women,' too.

The OP is not somone who wants to live as a woman, but someone who has a persona as 'rachel'. I think that is very different from someone who identifies as trans, perhaps?

TiggyKBE · 07/04/2014 22:45

Are hen/stag night getting increasingly mixed nowadays? I've never been on either. As a man working with all women I always get left out of things like that.

Grennie · 07/04/2014 22:47

The Op is not transgender. The thread has deviated.

I personally think women and man is about our biological sex, and gender is a tool used to oppress and justify the oppression of women by men as a class.

YouAreMyRain · 07/04/2014 22:58

It is a shame how this thread turned out. The OP started it wanting lots of people to tell him how great he looked as "Rachel".

Some did, others discussed the politics of cross dressing.

Then some people decided to ignore more than 500 previous posts and just pile in at the end with their opinion about a hen do that has already happened.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 07/04/2014 23:31

tiggy - dunno, but single-sex ones are a bit old-fashioned IME. Not that they were ever a big tradition?

youare I'm sorry if I came across that way. I know I should have read more, but I saw the posts about definitions of 'trans' and 'cis' and wanted to make the point that not everyone who dislikes those terms is disliking them for the same reasons, or to the same effect. Just as it is possible to question the reinforcement of stereotypes of 'masculinity' and 'femininity' while seeing that some people cope best in this world by identifying with the sex they feel themselves to be.

YouAreMyRain · 07/04/2014 23:37

It wasn't about you LRD, it was about the ones posting today telling the OP to "have a great night" (which Rachel did last Friday iirc) etc and asking questions that have already been covered. Trans/cis hasn't been.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 07/04/2014 23:42

Thanks for reassuring me. I am (slowly) reading through what I missed.

Pasithea · 07/04/2014 23:53

My post was a general any night out whenever wherever post . Not specific to one night.

Fairenuff · 08/04/2014 10:54

Oh fuck off.

Nice. And who is that comment directed at? Posters who have expressed a different opinion to you Pasithea, or just feminists in general?

What have you actually got to add to the debate, apart from insults?

Why do people have to make a big thing about feminism etc. so bloody what.

Just change the word 'feminism' to 'racism' and you might understand why so many people challenge it.

Op. Be who you want on your night out , wear what you want on your night out. Be happy that you are accepted as whoever by friends and your wife.

Actually, if you read the thread you will see that OP has said he would not be welcome as himself. His so called 'friends' would not 'accept' him if he turned up as himself. They only invited him if he would put on a dress and act 'effeminate', order 'girlie' drinks and adopt 'girlie' affectations.

HTH

Grennie · 08/04/2014 12:06

Yes if he would be welcomed as himself, there would have been no issue. Everyone would have just said YANBU to go on a hen night you have been invited to, have a good time.

YouAreMyRain · 08/04/2014 12:16

That's the problem when people don't read the thread. They assume that previous posters are wrong and they think they can swoop in at the last minute, scatter a few pearls of wisdom and put us all straight.