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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Inviting a Crossdresser on your Hen Night

601 replies

rachelmonday1 · 04/04/2014 16:08

I'm actually a guy that enjoys crossdressing and am very fortunate to have a number of female friends, one of whom is getting married and has invited me to join her friends on her Hen Night. I don't look too bad when I'm dressed as Rachel and often go out with the girls with no problems.

I'm happily married and my wife understands the "Rachel" side of me, but thinks it's odd that a girl would invite a crossdresser on her Hen Night.

Any views out there?

OP posts:
Minnieisthedevilmouse · 07/04/2014 13:05

It's all relative to your experience offred. I've got other fish to fry right now than a guy in a dress. If/when that becomes important I guess I'll get a bit involved. It's just not very high on priority list if rather see improvement in work careers childcare, salary, education.

Offred · 07/04/2014 13:23

I suppose but I'm not sure I see it as an either/or situation.

OneMoreChap · 07/04/2014 14:46

So we dislike crossdressers?

OK.
DO we dislike trans people too?

Is that M->F or F->M or both.

I try very hard to be liberal and in touch with equality, but seeing trans people or even crossdressers gives me some dissonance. I can deal with it because I'm an adult. I tend to let people get on with things their own way, but that's probably my white male cis privilege speaking.

I find it very difficult to understand intersex stuff like how can someone identify as a woman, but have a penis...

As far as the OP goes - the bride's invited them, up to here who she has at her hen. I suspect the OP is troubling his partner by being so out there...

Offred · 07/04/2014 15:21

Don't let not reading the thread stop you from criticising what people are saying chap...

YouAreMyRain · 07/04/2014 15:26

Onemorechap you're missing the point a bit. Have you read the full thread?

The OP has been to the hen do and had a smashing time.

Some of us have been discussing how buying into cross dressing is also perpetuating sexist stereotypes.

Some people have said "stop thinking so deeply and have a Wine"

No one has disagreed with a man's right to wear a dress/skirt/make up.

Some of us have said "fine wear a dress but don't claim that makes you more female or more feminine just cos it's a dress (which is what patriarchal society says women should wear) cos we women are more than that"

BumpAndGrind · 07/04/2014 15:48

I have aspergers and really not to many female friends, my 4 best mates are all male. Because of this my hen party will be a mixed bag of genders, as if it was just girls it would be me, mum, SIL and MIL - FUN! Hmm.

If you have been invited then the bride doesn't feel odd about it then just go and have a ball!

I wanted a joint one but DP won't let us have one, even tho we have picked the same venue.

BumpAndGrind · 07/04/2014 15:50

I must remember to read bloody threads and not just page one!

YouAreMyRain · 07/04/2014 15:52

Bumpandgrind - if your DP "won't let you" do stuff, I suggest you start your own thread.

No-one has objected to people wearing whatever they want to.

Sexual orientation hasn't really come into it.

Thanks for your valuable insight though.

YouAreMyRain · 07/04/2014 15:53

Ah! Cross post

OneMoreChap · 07/04/2014 16:00

Hadn't read the whole thread - have now skimmed it (I'd glanced at the thread a couple of days ago...)

Questions I asked still seem valid...
So we dislike crossdressers? Some do because it perpetuate a gender role and a skewed view of feminity...

DO we dislike trans people too? Yep, certainly seems so... aka they can't be a real woman and so on...

Is that M->F or F->M or both. that wasn't so clear...

I suspect cis privilege was a rankling issue; but then it seems that's not the only issue...

Ivehearditallnow · 07/04/2014 16:02

Oh FGS - I think Bump's DP just doesn't fancy a mixed party. I wouldn't have wanted one either (ie. my partners friends, just wanted my friends at mine - male and female). I don't think her post is a cry for help, she just used 'let' as a phrase.

Some people are stamping all over this thread and it's very tedious. Looking forward to hearing more from OP x

Offred · 07/04/2014 16:06

Read the thread chap.

Grennie · 07/04/2014 16:11

Chap - intersex is different from Trans.

Read the thread

OneMoreChap · 07/04/2014 16:34

Read enough thanks...
.... one benefit is I have learned what TERF means.

There is a difference between intersex and trans; yep, got that. There are - I read - people who apparently identify as F but maintain functioning male genitalia which I can see making F only spaces uncomfortable for cis women if they tap up.

My experience is v limited. GF was getting ready to go out and decided that since I looked so bored she'd put mascara on me. She was amused by that, and her friend decided to help and they made me up quite thoroughly. The only bit I hated was the eyeliner stuff inside the eyelids. They asked if I'd go out like that... in the end they got me to go out ins a long tshirt with fishnets.

No way I'd have passed - I had a typical 70s moustache.
The abuse I got was astonishing - oddly enough mostly from men - but in those days it was gay-bashing as they all thought I was "queer".

I didn't dress like that to perpetuate a gender stereotype, and indeed drank pints as normal. I found - and indeed, still find - it hard to understand why a man would want to dress as a woman. It seems vaguely wrong to me, but I don't see it as repressive - but then that's privilege talking.

Someone who wants to take hormones or have surgery to alter their body I find quite hard - and I understand that while it's mostly M->F there are some who want to go F-> M.

Is there the same angst about female-male trans or is it seen as escaping the struggle....? Doesn't sound any easy thing either way.

It does feel a bit like looking for another hook to hang an argument on but in a week when I discover that all PIV sex is rape what do I know.

Grennie · 07/04/2014 16:44

You obviously don't understand the difference between intersex and Trans chap.

OneMoreChap · 07/04/2014 16:56

www.isna.org/faq/transgender I do understand - I just can't write clearly and my first post was hasty and somewhat ill-considerd... I should have read the previous 15 pages a bit more.

Offred · 07/04/2014 16:58

O...K.... So you want questions that have been repeatedly answered already answered again because you CBA to read the thread before launching into an ill informed rant... Then you belittle the point you refuse to understand by claiming 'you people' think sex is rape... Hmm

Rape is rape chap and if you want to understand the thread you need to read it HTH...

CailinDana · 07/04/2014 17:11

OMC do you have a viewpoint on the "all PIV sex is rape" idea or are you just throwing it in there in order to dismiss it?

OneMoreChap · 07/04/2014 17:26

Offred -
CBA? No, just that I didn't.

Think I mentioned I have some issues in this area.

ill-informed? Perhaps.
Rant? No.

"You people" oh do fuck off, I said nothing of the kind.
I said I think it feels a bit like a hook to hang an argument on, which it does.

You think it's something else. Fine.

sex isn't rape according to the reading I did this week - it's specifically PIV; largely about the impossibility of true consent within the patriarchy

CailinDana
No, not yet - still processing. I can see some of the issues but there does seem to be some competitive feminism in some of the blogosphere, when pro-sex feminists are being derided.... perhaps a subject for another thread elsewhere.

CailinDana · 07/04/2014 17:30

Yeah I think so OMC. It's a tricky topic but worth exploring if you're genuinely interested.

AskBasil · 07/04/2014 17:40

"Questions I asked still seem valid...
So we dislike crossdressers? Some do because it perpetuate a gender role and a skewed view of feminity...

DO we dislike trans people too? Yep, certainly seems so... aka they can't be a real woman and so on...

Is that M->F or F->M or both. that wasn't so clear..."

Critiquing a practice is not the same as disliking people who do it.

I think smoking is disgusting, smelly, anti-social and a health hazard. This does not mean I dislike smokers.

HTH.

AskBasil · 07/04/2014 17:42

What has PIV sex got to do with this thread?

Confused
YouAreMyRain · 07/04/2014 17:48

Oh look everyone, onemorechap has turned up and wants to share his anecdotes of having makeup put on with us.

It's not really relevant to this thread (that he hasn't read) but who cares?

Look he's throwing in some bait comment about PIV = rape because he's read just enough to see that some posters have used the word "sexist" and wants to watch us react.

Thanks for your amazing input onemorechap.

Grennie · 07/04/2014 18:03

Aren't we so lucky ladies that we have had had a helpful chap turn up and (ignore everything written on the thread) tell us where we are all going wrong with what we have written?

AskBasil · 07/04/2014 18:17

That never happens...

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