Daters/Online daters - what comments/behaviour instantly think "nope?"

[JonSnowKnowsNothing]

I'm mildly addicted to flicking through profiles on POF. Rarely meet anyone. Sometimes I end up chatting to people but mostly I barely even continue past a few messages. I know I'm intolerant but so many things annoy me:

• Self-proclaimed music snobs who send you links to "awesome" bands and have a 30 strong list of the most obscure bands possible on their profile. Hate being forced to listen to some else's music - it just guarantees I will dislike it.
• Men who try so hard to sound reasonable and "modern man" but slip up with gems such as "I don't mind you having your own career," or "looking for a passionate girl but not TOO opinionated, lol."
• Anyone who tells anyone to "jog on" (cringe) *People who message, then follow it up five minutes later with "You there?" "Not talking then?" or "Oh...ok then....bye."

What are your instant turn-offs?

Disclaimer - I'm very aware I'm not perfect and probably have many irritating aspects to my personality!

That bugs me on Tinder, you said you liked me but you can't say hi

just seen a Tinder one man doing middle finger salute and the text "fuck you fuckers" under it. Two other pictures of pets.

confuddledDOTcom......that would be WWWWSWIIIIIIIIDDDDDEEEEEE berth type I imagine .

There was a lady on PoF who had her skirt lifted up displaying her legs and her knickers. Another she was pouting and partially showing her backside. She was granny. Divorced after X years and was living.life courtesy of a settlement and plastic surgery (looked grim). She had pics of her with grandchildren too. Strange. If that had been my mother posting piccs of my kids and others of her as she did I would have gone apeshit.

Thank you so much Lovelies! Been wondering why I'm still single and if I'm being too picky but it seems I'm pretty normal in my 'filtering criteria'. My 'beefs' are: cynical men who write "no time wasters", "no gold diggers", "no baggage" (right, so that needs saying!!), 27 year olds (I'm coming up for twice that age!) - from London?! Leave me be, I already have three children to look after, thanks, not looking for any more. And how is it ever going to work if they live in America, Spain, Greece etc. Equally, someone more than an hour and a half away is out - not really suitable for spontaneous meet-ups! And, yes, totally agree about.....the spelling thing, writing 'I really don't like talking about myself (then why go on a dating web site?!?!), the "have you got more photos" thing, bare chests (please see attached photo which scared the beejeesus out of me. Sent gratuitously), football shirts, 'cute' babies in arms, fish in arms ("Grrrr, me hunter-gatherer. Me catch food, make fire, wooooman cook"!), two large gold earrings (personal opinion), oh, and the instant message request at 7am-ish that soon descends into "Are you still in bed"! Off to order lots and lots of cats.......

I quite like the "maybe our paths will cross" thing

I must admit that during a blip with current DP (met OD) I wondered whether another guy I'd met might still be single and whether it would be bad form to contact him after 2 years. We got on really well, but he was not that into me was over-committed with work and hobbies and could never find a time to meet up.

I think your guy was just being realistic that things might not work out with the woman he's taking a chance on and that if that's the case he might contact you then, rather than keep in contact now without coming clean to either of you. I think he sounds ok!

My best friend had an encounter a couple of years ago that still makes me laugh as it was such a random and yet entirely justified way of going instantly off someone. They'd exchanged a couple of texts and agreed to meet for coffee. Met at coffee shop, he seemed fine-ish.

He asked friend what she wanted and said he'd go and get the coffees in. Friend ordered large cappuccino and slice of lemon drizzle. Man came back with that plus, for himself, a giant mug of "special" hot chocolate, ie absolutely overflowing with squirty cream, marshmallows, chocolate flake and sprinkles, and a huge cupcake with a mound of lurid pink icing, silver balls, yet more sprinkles, etc etc.

She was so aghast at the unmanliness of his coffee and cake of choice ("it was like something a ten-year-old girl would have ordered") that her heart sank and she instantly knew he would turn out to be a twat for all sorts of other reasons. Which is indeed what happened. This still makes me chuckle.

Behaviour wise, I get a bit fed up sometimes with overly shy/aloof/distant women because it gets to be too much hard work progressing anywhere. I know shyness usually can't be helped, but most people get past it after a while. Long term shyness is a pain and aloofness or distant just comes across as snobby.

Instant turn offs

Dick pics just why! Standard response of either.
It looks like a penis only smaller. Or I think I would have more fun sitting on my thumb.

Hey babe or hi sexy

Nice guys......specifically nice guys who complain about being friend zoned. Like any woman he is attracted too owes him a relationship because hes just so nice he deserves it.

Sex related chat before I even know anything about you

Topless photos

Photos of you posing next to your car or bike

Text speak

Im crazy me wooooo type profiles

Long detailed lists, usually very specific regarding what they want in their stepford wife date

I saw someone today who wanted a woman who could cook because he likes nice food, I'd swiped him before I thought to copy it for you

A guy today was asking about the tiger poses - I swiped right and said if you find out tell me!

Met a counterpart in another organisation yesterday, didn't find out until we'd hit it off and we're meeting on Monday, I've told him he has to give me lessons! (without wanting to out myself here, I'm starting up in an area not been worked before and struggling)

Anyone else on Tinder finding that it shows you everyone and if it's over your area range they just tell you it is? So like I'm set to 20 miles but London and Edinburgh are coming up as 20 miles away from me!

Lurking, that made me laugh. I remember meeting DP for a coffee after a couple of dates and thinking I might have made a mistake when he ended up with the campest tall glass cup full of frothy milky overly sweetened coffee! At least he had the good grace to be embarrassed.

Someone just said "can I call you sexy?" heeeeeeeeelp! Do they want to phone me or call me sexy?

That's funny fab! I want to know why his face is a different colour to the rest of him...

A couple more of mine. I had a guy who swiped me to ask if I really said that my pictures showed some of my personality (yeah, I chose my cheekiest smile because my humour is important to me) I did also write about different things that interest me.

Another guy was one word answers but I felt he was being snotty. I asked what he did and he launched into me about how rude I am that I have a long profile and don't bother to read anyone else's. He's a photographer, I knew that much but it didn't tell me what sort of photos, if he works for a studio or mobile... I've studied art so I have done a little photography so was trying to get a conversation going. His response to my explanation was "press" wow. I also have press on my profile, I decided I didn't want to go say exactly the same thing about "press" as I'd just said about photography. I don't think he really wanted to talk to me.

There was the one who wanted me to drive to the middle of the dodgiest estate in town to pick him up, because he couldn't drive and we couldn't meet in town, in case his mother and sister saw him, because he wasn't speaking to them. (I wonder now if he was married, but I was younger and more innocent then, and just assumed he was a twat - and whether or not it was true they would be there and he wasn't speaking to them, either way, he definitely was a twat.)

I think possibly the best one was the one who got chatting - my profile didn't say an awful lot, just fairly dull stuff about the sort of books I like and swimming and so on. (Probably needed rewriting.)
"Hi, where do you live?"
I mentioned my town, as it's quite large, so I feel safe enough to mention it without risking mad stalkery types turning up on my doorstep*.
"Oh, where's that? Is it near where I live, in ."
Right, so you can't use google... but maybe you're just making conversation, so I'll give you a change.
"It's probably about 90 minutes drive away, as long as the traffic's fine," I reply, slightly exaggerating (it's probably about an hour.)
"Oh that's okay - Allah tells me you're the one for me!"
Er... what? You don't know anything about me - you don't know whether I've got any siblings, or if I've ever been married before, or what sort of work I do, where I like to go on holiday, whether I've got pets, what sort of food I prefer - while my level of education is on my profile, it doesn't say which subject. I didn't even have a photo on my profile at this point. I was possibly considering whether I might want to meet him for a date to see what he was like IRL (and wasn't feeling too enthusiastic so far, but trying to be open-minded,) and he seemed to have already had us married off. I decided to risk him having misinterpreted what Allah was telling him.

There were quite a few who were actually quite nice, but no real spark, though one of them I did meet up with a few times just as friends.

• Hint to any mad stalkery types: you'd better be prepared to get really, really bored.

I had an awful night tonight. I was meant to meet a guy for our second date. I'd given him my address and he was going to pick me up at 7.30. At 7.10 I suddenly saw all these texts starting at 6.10 with him asking me how I was and because I hadn't seen them and replied he assumed I had cancelled the date! He then said that he'd been invited to go to a gig with his friends and so was going to do that. I was so upset! I'd given him my address and we'd arranged a time for him to come pick me up. There was no need to confirm it. I called and texted him as soon as I got the messages but heard nothing back. Am wondering now if I should have texted earlier to confirm but didn't thnk I needed to as it was already arranged. So disappointed..:(

Whenever I now spot a message on a thread by you, Purplewolfe, I will always picture you as this semi-naked man on the brown leather sofa. It's a little alarming!

If I was picking someone up at 7:30, I wouldn't be surprised if they were spending the hour or so before in the bathroom and so on, so I wouldn't have been surprised at not getting replies. He seems a bit unreasonable, but maybe he's had some bad experiences.

Thanks Ebear. So should I give him a second chance or not? I really liked him when we met before?

It's weird cos I sent him loads of texts when I got his message and have heard nothing back and it's midnight now. I fucking hate internet dating...!!!

Chalk it up to a misunderstanding and see if you hear from him later on today (sunday). In my mind texting to see if a date is still on could put doubts in the other person's head, so I would have just turned up at the address at the agreed time if I hadn't heard otherwise from my date.

People who say 'I have my life carefully planned/ every minute of my weekend is busy with activity' or anything which suggests they have an inflexible approach to life. Or anyone who smokes.

Lack of punctuation, spelling mistakes, grammatical errors, holding out the prospect of 'cosy nights in', any mention of genitals. A lot of the men want 20 year old nymphomaniacs to pick up and discard at will.

Yes, I know very well why I am single and I rejoice!

(Realise I sound like Grumpy Old Woman and will concede the old. I also know there are some great guys on dating sites but I cannot imagine them being interested in me)

"...holding out the prospect of 'cosy nights in'..."

Yes, I hate that 'cosy nights in' expression too. I also get irritated by any mention of looking to share life's adventures together.

Scarlet He sounds like an utter twat, sorry. Why not join us on the Dating Thread 72 in Relationships? It's very supportive.

Soft kitty ( great name by the way) why do you think he sounds like an utter twat?

Actually I still haven't heard anything from him today so you're probably right :(

I had nothing but crap experiences and finally deleted my profile after a first message which charmingly stated 'hey Sexy. Can I bang your back doors in huh?'

Readers I did not marry him.

Scarlet He sounds like an utter twat because you arranged a date which as you said, was already confirmed, in that he had your address and a time to pick you up. If he was that concerned that you might no longer want to go, he would have called and you'd have heard the phone ring, answered it and confirmed it was still on. He cancelled it by arranging to do something else without any contact with you. Reading between the lines, I'd say he already had tickets to the gig and even if you responded to the texts, he'd have still cancelled the date, maybe by feigning illness or something. As it is, he managed to cancel it himself but make you feel it was your fault. It isn't. If he'd really wanted to go, he'd have called much earlier in the day to double check.

The fact that he's since ignored your texts and calls just confirms his utter twatness. If he's this much hard work now, just think what he'd be like 6 months or a year down the line. No second chances. Delete his number and move on. You deserve better.