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Relationships

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Daters/Online daters - what comments/behaviour instantly think "nope?"

303 replies

JonSnowKnowsNothing · 31/03/2014 19:14

I'm mildly addicted to flicking through profiles on POF. Rarely meet anyone. Sometimes I end up chatting to people but mostly I barely even continue past a few messages. I know I'm intolerant but so many things annoy me:

  • Self-proclaimed music snobs who send you links to "awesome" bands and have a 30 strong list of the most obscure bands possible on their profile. Hate being forced to listen to some else's music - it just guarantees I will dislike it.
  • Men who try so hard to sound reasonable and "modern man" but slip up with gems such as "I don't mind you having your own career," or "looking for a passionate girl but not TOO opinionated, lol."
  • Anyone who tells anyone to "jog on" (cringe) *People who message, then follow it up five minutes later with "You there?" "Not talking then?" or "Oh...ok then....bye."

What are your instant turn-offs?

Disclaimer - I'm very aware I'm not perfect and probably have many irritating aspects to my personality!

OP posts:
Scarletohello · 08/04/2014 22:52

Mrs. I think he's a little bit of a fantasist. And def a knob!!

LizzieBelle · 08/04/2014 22:54

I had one guy who would not leave me alone. Kept making new profiles to contact me!

He thought 'friendly interest' I thought 'restraining order' ...

Dwerf · 08/04/2014 23:13

My 'top prospect' was a text-speaking guy who described himself as having 'lots ov tasty tats lol lol', after I'd ignored three messages from his two identical profiles, I messaged him and asked why he was still messaging. No reply.

Top prospect POF? Really?

LizzieBelle · 08/04/2014 23:18

I'm quite enjoying Tinder!

redundantandbitter · 08/04/2014 23:21

You're making me want to seriously stay single with all the talk of tiger poses , fish photos (a particular hate of mine), fantasists, grammatically incorrect types, naked torso's and 'i'm great with kids, no really i am"...and then there's phone bum man...in a category all of his own

So, other than POF.., what else is ok/to be avoided? I've heard of OK Cupid, Match, Guardian SM, Uniform dating (I wear one - most Unattractive).

In the meantime I'll get my copy of Heat Shock and my hot water bottle and go to bed .

confuddledDOTcom · 09/04/2014 01:33

Girls Date for Free, I heard there's also a Guys Date for Free (which they don't Grin) and Cupid (without the OK). There's a few sites that are pretty much the same site and the chatrooms are linked.

Anyway, you missed my pregnancy fetish guy Wink

The guy who said he doesn't normally like big girls has said it's boobs and height. He then went on about what it would be like to have me as a big sister growing up and being home alone [gulp]

PigletUnrepentant · 09/04/2014 03:57

Confundled, I had a few dates with a guy who had lost an arm. I couldn't care less about the missing arm, it was his "can do" attitude that made me like him so much, BUT his one problem was that he thought his missing arm meant more to me than it did, I stopped seeing him because I didn't want to spend all the time trying to convince him that I really didn't care about it, a shame really, he was great.

There will always be some idiots that care too much about disabilities (I have a disability myself), but it is important not to let a few idiots put you off of the dating game.

For those looking for positive stories of OD, I met my ex partner in POF, and as many others who I talked to back then in the same site, he was nice, polite, lovely and he never sent me anything offensive. At the end of the day the relationship only survived for three or four years but I have no complaints about him, my son still introduces him as his step "dad" and we still see him as part if the family even when the relationship ended years ago.

Apart of some weirdo with stalker capabilities, I have never had any problem with people in dating sites, but I act in there in the same way that I do in normal life, I treat people with respect and I am treated back in the same way. I ignored those that didn't deserve an answer.

I have met some interesting people, some writers, some artists, some very successful professionals, and even a BBC television presenter. It took me a while to find my current partner, who is also lovely, but I certainly had a great time meeting some of the others that were not exactly what either of us were looking for :)

So don't be put off because of the bad stories, if you are a little bit like me (a parent working in a female dominated environment, with not a big inclination for partying and nights out), you may find that the only realistic way to find a partner is to download him from internet Wink

confuddledDOTcom · 09/04/2014 11:53

For me it's an outside thing, I walk with them and put them down when I get in. I sometimes need help inside (especially when I try to drown myself in the bath Blush - not deliberately, my back went into spasm under water and I couldn't get back out) but generally not a problem.

I try to tell people before I meet them that I use crutches because I'd rather not spend all evening discussing what I did and what the damage is and I risk a "will I hurt you?" conversation.

I met the father of my children online 9 years ago, it's the longest relationship for either of us. That's why I went back there. In case anyone sees me posting elsewhere as I did think about something I posted yesterday and it must look odd. We have split up but we have a strange relationship. We're best friends and because of my disability he helps me a lot. I'd honestly be lost without him at the moment but despite it all he's too busy enjoying the bachelor life and I've had to accept he isn't going to change.

hmsdad71 · 09/04/2014 15:50

Again from a male perspective......I started chatting to a woman who was in similar circumstances to mine ie separated, parent etc etc. We seemed to get on well so met for a drink. When we had a second date she seemed to be in the midst of an emotional upheaval. I wont say exactly what but I ended up running (not literally) and didnt look back. Another was "subservient". We would be out and I asked if she enjoyed something and she said if I did then she did. With almost everything this was normal (bedroom included). Both of these ladies out me off dating sites in a way because they didnt seem to be emotionally ready to move on.

hmsdad71 · 09/04/2014 16:01

JonSnowKnowsNothing.......Thankyou very much. Thats very kind of you.

confuddledDOTcom · 09/04/2014 16:08

That's very sub! You'd think someone like that would be looking for someone specific not just any man - if that makes sense - I'm sure there are those dating sites too. I have those tendencies but I have to trust a man first. I'm actually finding the same but opposite problem at the moment as I said earlier. Guys who haven't earnt the right to tell me what to do. My sargent "friend" I think was one of them.

exWifebeginsat40 · 09/04/2014 16:14

oh god oh god oh god. the man whose profile picture is him in a highchair with a bib on and food down his front. or the 'adult baby furry' who is a bad puppy and needs his nappy changed.

what the FUCK is in my profile that suggests these people as potential matches?

then the guy who sent me monotone messages every 7 minutes for 2 hour:

hi are you interested in me?

would you be interested in me?

hi, is there any interest in me?

please respond if you're interested in me xx

look if you're not interested please just say

etc etc etc fucking etc. sod OFF.

that said, i have found a very pretty fuck buddy, and a couple of other normal-ish men. none of them attracted me with a photo of them holding a large fish.

and OKCupid is much, much filthier than POF.

hmsdad71 · 09/04/2014 16:45

I know that including humour, more than one photo and asking for someone with the ability to hold down a conversation helps......however my humour is "black" so is not always appreciated (learnt this as I went along). Compliments sometimes work. Oh and BIG help is the ability to read signals.....

confuddledDOTcom · 09/04/2014 17:39

I've found a man who has MN listed as one of his likes. Should I wave in case he's reading?

hmsdad71 · 09/04/2014 17:59

MN? What is that.

BalloonSlayer · 09/04/2014 18:01

Snooooort at "If you can imagine yourself driving down a Ducati down to the beach, sailing white ships on the ocean, backpacking the world with minor stops at five star venues .. still enjoy talk about poetry and philosophy or play classical music, I offer you the adventure of your lifetime. Looking for a soulmate nothing less... " Translation - If you can imagine this, you're perfect for me because I can imagine it too! Come and join me in my beige bedsit in Thornton Heath and together we will romantically watch the lottery on telly while gripping our tickets in our hopeful clammy fists.

And as for Walkacrossthesand's one, who keeps talking about boating, having his own teeth and hair, he is clearly upwards of 75. What age was he hoping to pull, lemme guess, was it 25-35?

confuddledDOTcom · 09/04/2014 18:14

hmsdad71 - you're on it!

Balloon, that's a good translation Grin

jaffacake2 · 09/04/2014 18:15

Best opening message to me was
Hi you look nice. What dress size are you ?
Intrigued I told him I was a size 16
Great he said cos I am a cross dresser rugby player and if you are sorting out clothes can you send them to me ?!!!!

Shame he looked nice but couldn't go there !!!

hmsdad71 · 09/04/2014 18:29

confuddleDOTcom........oopsadaisy. Had a man moment.

MadeMan · 09/04/2014 18:40

"Shame he looked nice but couldn't go there !!!"

The big oaf would ruin all your dresses playing rugby!

MrsIrony · 09/04/2014 18:46

Jaffa Surely that was a guy with a rather overexcited sense of humour? Surely? I hope so!!

Doughnut123 · 09/04/2014 20:39

I started using an internet dating site about a month ago. I'd never used one before, but honestly, I don't think it's worth the bother.
I met one man who seemed genuine, interesting and interested in me. He was polite and we seemed to have a lot in common. We e mailed each other every day for about a week and a half.
Then, suddenly, nothing.
He stopped e mailing me, without an explanation, for about 5 days. In the end, I just wanted to know what was going on, so I sent him a message, saying that I had enjoyed talking to him, but I was getting the feeling that he no longer wanted to talk to me, but that was ok.
He sent a very apologetic message back, saying that I deserved an explanation. He had met someone. They'd met a month before, but he had n't been ready for a relationship, he was messaging me at that time. But he kept in touch with this woman and they kept talking more and more, until they decided to give the relationship a go.
He said that he'd found the decision really difficult, because he really liked me and found me very attractive, but as he was and always would be monogamous, he had to let me know where we stood.
It was a very genuine and heart felt message. I sent one back, equally genuine and heart felt. Saying that I appreciated his honesty, that I thought he was lovely too and that I was a monogamous person, so I completely understood.
To my surprise, he sent me a message back! He said that my message was lovely and that it meant a lot to him. Then, he said that maybe one day we might cross paths again! I was shocked! Talk about keeping your options open!
Is this common with internet dating? It was not really the behaviour of a monogamous person, that's what surprised me.
I had a couple of messages from another chap who'd got me completely muddled up with someone else. He referred to me working on a stud farm- which I definitely don't, and then made a comment saying he hoped it was a horse stud!
Honestly, men! Such sloppy behaviour.

Rule number one when you're messaging someone-

Make sure you are sending the message to the right person.

I really can't be bothered with the whole mullarchy. And I think my dog is better company than most men anyway.

confuddledDOTcom · 10/04/2014 10:19

Someone on tinder with a husbandandwife name and the wedding as the profile pic...

BitOutOfPractice · 10/04/2014 12:24

Doughnut I think "maybe our paths will cross one day" is a really innocuous comment. Just a "see you around" kind of thing.

Sadly the going silent thing is a very common occurrence online. It is very annoying.

But in my experience there are a lot more lovely men online than you would guess from reading this thread

hmsdad71 · 10/04/2014 12:37

Something that really irritated me was the not replying to a message.
The recipient would say how she hates tardiness and bad manners etc yet hasnt the courtesy to respond to someone.
Its rather amusing seeing some of those on PoF who think theyre something special (both sides of the coin).
The pay sites tend to be interlinked. MumsdateDads is part of others and I was messaged by someone whose profile I couldnt find.