anyone else in a poly relationship?

[cakeymccakington]

new to it all and fancied a chat with people who have btdt!

[laregina]

Where did that rogue apostrophe come from

[cakeymccakington]

Laregina... No! We had a deal that if the first time he went out I realised I wasn't happy then I would tell him and he'd come straight back and that would be that.
But I'm genuinely ok with it and genuinely feel happier with him than before (no, I wasn't expecting that either)

[AnyFucker]

Do you think your partner might have left you if you had not agreed that he seek sex elsewhere with your blessing ?

[cakeymccakington]

No, I don't think he'd have left me.

[Botanicbaby]

but I have to ask OP now I have read your post at 20:59, isn't that a case of trying to close the stable door after the horse has bolted?

would your DP really be content 'to come straight back and that would be that'? I cannot imagine that scenario not causing problems but fair enough if that is what you have both agree, good that it is working out for you both so far.

I know I would be insanely jealous in a relationship like this, in fact, I'd be exactly the same as PP who said if they weren't remotely bothered by the fact their DP was seeing someone else then they'd know the relationship was dead in the water.

[cakeymccakington]

Plus it was my idea, not his

[PotteringAlong]

My thesis was about the ethical implications of it - I did a theology degree and my masters was a research masters through the theology department.

What was interesting was the amount of people who believed that it was the perfect way to live; that humans were never meant to be with one person and polyamory, especially when living together, was the best of both worlds - the perfect combination of coupledom and the single life.

[QueenAnneofAustria]

I don't know it sounds quite sensible to me. I don't think I could be in a poly type relationship but I would consider an open relationship of sorts.

[AnyFucker]

Did him meeting this woman come before or after your suggestion that he seek sex elsewhere ?

[cakeymccakington]

After

[cakeymccakington]

In fact I first suggested it ages ago and he was not interested in the idea. But the more I thought about it the more it seemed like it would work

[AnyFucker]

Did he advertise for her on t'internet or did he have a known polyamorous friend waiting in the wings ?

[EyelinerQueen]

Botanic Not everyone equates a meaningful relationship with sexual ownership of the other person.

So while for some, it is unthinkable and a dealbreaker to imagine them with another lover, for others it simply isn't.

Monogamy doesn't work. I think it's admirable and sensible that some people face up to that fact and figure out their own ethical framework for relationships.

[cakeymccakington]

and yes, i think if i'd asked him to come back home he'd have been disappointed, but he would have done it, i trust him 100%

he met her on an online dating site

[Twinklestein]

I'm not convinced this really is a polyamorous relationship, simply a husband who's fucking someone else...

[cakeymccakington]

what makes you think that twinkle?

[Moln]

For me I think I'd have to judge it on the individual polyrelationships (that makes sense honest!!). It seems a often the polyrelaionship involves one partner having many and these partners not.

I feel that this is all fine and dandy it the partner with the many partners would be accepting of one of his partners having another partner. Properly accepting that is, not just saying they would be.

[LEMmingaround]

I'm sorry OP but i agree with twinkle but its semantics really, i don't think it fits what i understand to be a polyamourous relationship. I truly hope that you are ok with this and happy. Have you met the OW? Does your OH love her? I think that it must be difficult if you haven't grown up in a society where that is what is expected or happens alot. I could never accept it myself but i am very insecure. I could deal with my DH having meaningless sex with someone much better than i could having a relationship, it wouldn't work for me. I do find it interesting though.

[Moln]

I just note I wrote 'his' for the partner with the many partners. That wasn't a conscious thing!

[madeupstuff]

De-lurking. (DP to OP)

Nothing to add - just appreciating all of the comments.

[Lovingfreedom]

So DP to OP, what's your story then?

[AnyFucker]

OP, how would your partner react if you found yourself another relationship ? You seem to be clear atm that you are not in the market for one. Do you think he would help you draft your own online invitation ?

[AnyFucker]

OP, how would your partner react if you found yourself another relationship ? You seem to be clear atm that you are not in the market for one. Do you think he would help you draft your own online invitation ?

[laregina]

Monogamy does work, actually, for millions of couples - myself & DH being one of them.

Fair enough if it's not your thing, but that was a slightly ridiculous sweeping statement eyelinerqueen

[madeupstuff]

What m'cakey has said really.

The semantics of poly vs. whatever-else is interesting. I appreciate that it's a scale and that we're right on one end of it.