anyone else in a poly relationship?

[cakeymccakington]

new to it all and fancied a chat with people who have btdt!

[cakeymccakington]

shelby sadly split with her long term partner a while ago.
She still lives in her own place but spends weekends wit us.

The children adore her, including the new arrival :-)
No confusion thus far! Children are, generally, far more accepting and less prejudiced than most adults.

How many partners we have is however many we feel happy with. Obv there are discussions to be had around this and other people's feelings would be taken into consideration. I don't think any of us are feeling a desire for any extras right now though

[SoleSource]

How many partners are you allowed to have if you wanted more?

[Boobz]

It's funny, someone else earlier on said they could "imagine [this thread] 20+ years ago being about a same sex relationship."

Your comment 50shadesofknackered reminded me of that again - I wonder how many people used to say "how lovely, two mums or two dads raising kids, won't be confusing at all!"

Yes it will prompt questions because it's not within the normal confines of society (just as it wasn't 20 years ago very common to have gay parents raising children as a family unit), but who is to say that it won't in fact be very lovely indeed for all concerned?

Pleased to hear it's all going well OP. And presumably congrats on the new(ish) arrival!

[50shadesofknackered]

How lovely, that won't confuse your children at all

[worrieddadof2]

So does this mean all 4 of you are "together" in every sense of the word?

[QweenCnut]

I was desperate to know how it worked out and really pleased that it has You and MUS must get on well with Shelby's partner?

[cakeymccakington]

So nearly a year on from my initial post and I thought I'd update the thread.
everything is still going well, we are considering all moving in together, so if anyone who has experience of that has any advice it would be appreciated :-)

The relationship has evolved a lot over the last year and we are all a lot closer now. It's lovely!

[GhettoFabulous]

I'm in a non-traditional relationship.

[CavaSupernova]

I'm single but a poly relationship sounds like my idea of perfection.
I wouldn't want to even be co-habiting, if I'm honest. Years of sharing a household with a total pig when I was married probably has a lot to do with the latter, mind you :o

[cakeymccakington]

Yes he's still seeing the same person. I have no desire for another partner :-)

[SirRaymondClench]

Is your OH still seeing the same woman? Are you seeing anyone else?

[Eekaman]

Good to know Cakey.

And glad to know you haven't been put off living your life the way you choose to by those on here with narrow views on life.

[cakeymccakington]

well it's 3 months on. and the current guest post about polyamory reminded me to come back and update.
actually there isn't much to report other than it's all going well still. working our way towards various meetings of partners and comings out to friends. that bit is slightly scaring me

[differentnameforthis]

Loads of us want a whole heap more than that by a country mile.

And you are free to choose that for yourself, 126. As the op is free to choose this for herself.

This is the same sort of thing. Looking after your emotional well being. Your mind. Some people choose to do that, some dont.

You are wrong & if you could have read the thread with an open mind, you would see that this is EXACTLY what the op appears to be doing.

nkf a violent relationship is not healthy at all & I don't think anyone would argue that it was, neither is spending your life trying to avert that violence, which can only be done for a certain amount of time, because if you remove one trigger, another will replace it.

I don't think you can compare a polygamous (which is a mutual choice) relationship to a violent one. They are poles apart.

[SolidGoldBrass]

EBearhug: Excellent analogy!

[nkf]

You sound perfectly happy and fine to me. I was querying the idea that if you make it work, it's automatically okay. Probably, this hits a bit home to me because I tried to make pretty terrible things work for all sorts of reasons.

[cakeymccakington]

They're*

Stupid phone.

[cakeymccakington]

But in that case I would imagine she wasn't happy with the situation and would have preferred not to have to deal with it like that?

In my situation we are all happy with things right now. If that changes then I hope we can communicate that and figure it out without one person having to do things their unhappy with simply to hold it all together

[nkf]

I don't think something is necessarily right or a good thing just because it works for you. I remember once reading an account of a woman of how she "managed" her husband's tendency to be violent. Always noting where he'd put his car keys in case he couldn't find them and took it out on her. Watching his moods, knowing his trigger points. She'd worked it out well and the beatings were much less. Worked for her, she said.

That's an extreme example of course, but this it's all personal and all relative argument has flaws. I think there has to be some principles to guide behaviour and not just the moveable feast of "what works."

[EBearhug]

Some people try to eat healthily to look after their bodies. Some choose not to.

This is the same sort of thing. Looking after your emotional well being. Your mind. Some people choose to do that, some dont.

I agree with this, 126sticks. However, your earlier posts imply that for you, there's only one possible form of healthy diet.

Yes, it's important to eat a healthy diet. Yes it's important to have healthy relationships with good communication. For some people, a healthy diet might mean vegetarian. Others might be pescatarian. You might eat meat. But a particular form isn't automatically healthy - vegetarian could mean deep-fried cheese sticks every meal. It's how you practise your chosen form of diet which counts, and it's how you practise you chosen form of relationship. You don't have to do it the same way as everyone else, if that doesn't work for you.

[cakeymccakington]

Yes but while there are fairly clear healthy and less healthy foods I don't think you can say the same for what makes you emotionally healthy/secure.

What keeps you in good mental health may be very different from what keeps me in a good place mentally and emotionally.

There is no right and wrong when it comes to things like that

[126sticks]

Some people try to eat healthily to look after their bodies. Some choose not to.

This is the same sort of thing. Looking after your emotional well being. Your mind. Some people choose to do that, some dont.

[cakeymccakington]

www.bookdepository.co.uk/Ethical-Slut-Dossie-Easton/9781587613371?utm_source=SV-Body&utm_medium=email-Service&utm_term=The-Ethical-Slut_title&utm_content=order-details&utm_campaign=Order-dispatch

[barrytown]

SGB I don't know whether you recommended it but I'm sure you'll know the answer, who are the authors of The Ethical Slut edition recommended on here?
There are three different titles.

Thank you

[Meerka]

It bothers me a lot too. Especially when people say everyone should do it their way and their standards are higher.

Their way is only one among many and just doesn't suit many people, including large numbers of people in other cultures.