anyone else in a poly relationship?

[cakeymccakington]

new to it all and fancied a chat with people who have btdt!

[shelbyfrootcake]

Poly is hard work. It's brutal in its honesty, but amazing and worth every minute of the hard work. It's by no means for everyone, but I'm happier for living my life this way than when I was living monogamously.

[shelbyfrootcake]

Of note, I am the OW Cakey's partner is seeing.

[CuttedUpPear]

Really, if you are seeking discussion and vindication of your situation, what are you doing on a site based around parenting and by default populated by people in traditional family roles and relationships?

Do you not think that a specialist website might hold more answers for you?

[shelbyfrootcake]

I need no vindication or discussion. I've lived this way for several year. I'm just being honest about who I am in the context of the discussion that has already occurred.

[GimmeDaBoobehz]

Roughy so how did you know about this thread yet you don't know the OP?

Hmmm...

[shelbyfrootcake]

We have talked, we just have met yet. We were talking about this thread this evening and I was interested.

[shelbyfrootcake]

Haven't met yet. FFS. My typos are a shocker.

[Tweasels]

Just when you think things cannot possibly get any stranger...up pops the OW. Isn't this exciting.

[FastLoris]

Shelby - do you have someone else apart from the OP's husband?

[shelbyfrootcake]

Yes. I have my own partner of many years and am also newly seeing two other chaps who are also in a poly relationships.

[FastLoris]

Let me guess: they'll be along in just a moment, right?

[ThatOtherTime]

Where Aunt Muriel when you need her

[FastLoris]

OK: Yucky medical question time.

That all sounds a bit like there's no particular overall boundary that everyone agree to. For example, presumably the OP didn't get any right of veto over your decision to get involved with the other guys, while being involved with her husband - or any input to the nature of your involvement. And presumably she get's even less input into their decisions over whoever else THEY decide to be involved with.

So what about STDs? Short of a blanket agreement that all of you use condoms all the time (which would certainly be enough to put me off whatever excitement polyamory had to offer) I can't see how that can work.

[shelbyfrootcake]

I've done random promiscuity in the past - this is different. I'm not just shagging around, I'm building relationships with people. Some will work out, others won't, just the same as with monogamous couples.

The relationships vary, which is part of the point of poly - getting fulfillment (not just sexual) from multiple people. If all I wanted was a shag I could pitch up at a skank Tiger Tiger every week.

[shelbyfrootcake]

There is something somewhat graphically described as fluid bonding. OP and OP's partner are fluid bonded, as I am to my own partner, but everyone else uses condoms religiously. I've never met people more conscious of sexual health than people in the poly community. Frequent STI tests are common and condoms are used (including on shared toys).

[shelbyfrootcake]

Asking about sexual health isn't yucky it's mandatory really.

[SauceForTheGander]

Will it transpire that everyone on this thread is shagging going out with each other ?

[BewitchedBotheredandBewildered]

Shared toys?

Good grief!

[shelbyfrootcake]

Oooh, Buffy reference. :D

Obviously shared toys are more a lesbian/bi poly thing than a MF thing.

[BewitchedBotheredandBewildered]

Well, I knew that.

Obvs.

[shelbyfrootcake]

I'm sure there are ample MF couple doing all manner of toy sharing out there, I've just not encountered them. To my knowledge anyway!