anyone up? anyone at all?

[avocadogreen]

Found out tonight DH has been seeing someone. Every time I try to go to sleep I start crying. Feels like my heart is breaking. I have to be up in 2 hours to take the kids to school and pretend everything is ok.

You're doing so well. I was in your situation just over a year ago. It was one of the hardest things I've had to go through but I've came out the other end. All the best to you

avocado I know you said you didn't really want advice but I'm going to give you this one bit again - expect only shit and worse shit and the worst shit from him now. That way you'll be about right in every circumstance. One day he might surprise you - but if you continue to expect the worst from him, he's not going to shock you.

He's moved on. This is common. And since he's moved on, he's rewritten history to suit his own purposes. Of course you don't recognise the woman he's painted you as! He's recreated you to be someone that he couldn't love, thus making this all your fault, so he can avoid feeling guilty about what he's done. Because somewhere deep down, he would have felt guilty - until he managed to do all this life-editing, to get rid of the guilt. You will never get true answers from him now, because he no longer knows what the truth is - it's now a new guilt-free version of his "truth" and it will make no sense to you. Best advice? (sorry) Stop asking, you will not get the answers you seek.

And then all the practical stuff that everyone else has said.

Use the anger while it burns - it's very energising.

avocado - sorry for what you are going through.

Its so hard when men doing this add insult to injury and try and paint it as the fault of their wives/girlfriends. So cruel xx

He's still rewriting history.
Don't let him take away what you had.
He's just making shit up to justify him being a lying cheating scumbag.

Don't forget, while you are trying to fix things as this is all raw, he checked out of the relationship ages ago.

He doesn't understand at all where you are or what you are going through. He can't possibly know so don't expect him to.

Take care of yourself and contact him only to sort out contact with the kids.

Stay strong, you are doing so well.

And things will get better - honest they will!!!

"He says for him thing went wrong when I became obsessed with getting pregnant"

How callous.

And I don't suppose he tried to talk to you about this - or indeed did anything to try to rekindle the non-mother feelings?

I know how hard TTC etc and indeed young children can be on a relationship - but with communication and commitment, that can be worked through as a team. He didn't give your marriage that chance - and he didn't even let you know that it was a problem.

If you can get to CAB for some advice on the financial side of things, that would be really helpful for you at this stage.

I hope things are brighter today avocado.

Hey, I hope you are doing okay. xx.

Your in my thoughts Hun

Hello everyone..It's been a couple of weeks and I've been away and had plenty of RL support which has been helping me through. But here we are again, about to go back to school tomorrow and still not much has changed. We have talked a few times. One evening last week he came over, put the kids to bed and we had a long talk over a bottle of wine which actually really kind of felt good, just to talk about things in our relationship that had maybe been swept under the carpet, and even laugh a little about some things. But then something happened last week, totally unrelated to all this but I won't say as it would probably out me, and he really let me down and wasn't here when me and the kids needed him.

So, after 3 weeks things are pretty much the same. He is at his friend's. I think he is still seeing OW. He still seems sure this is what he wants. I have completely stopped contacting him apart from to arrange contact with the kids.

He has agreed to continue to support us, pay the bills, rent etc, until I get a job, as I made it clear I am.not about to go and sign on for jobseekers allowance/income support. However I am still planning on going to CAB as soon as DS is back in preschool to figure out my rights etc.

I am still utterly devastated and heartbroken. I have started smoking in secret when the kids are in bed,drinking every night and I've lost a stone in weight. But I am managing to maintain a calm exterior at least when he is around.

Applied for 2 jobs this week and 2 more applications in the pipeline.

I meant to add, thank you so much to everyone for the messages of support, it has really helped

Hey, I just saw this. So great that you're getting support from friends and family. I hope your Easter away was good.

I'm so sorry this is such a shitty time. I feel like drinking and smoking at night are completely normal coping mechanisms, and it sounds like you're dealing with everything so, so well, but I'm a little worried too, as I would be with a friend in RL, and of course online there's no way I can know if you're overdoing it at night, you know? And I don't mean to overstep. Again I feel like it's 100% normal but I hope you're checking in with a RL friend occasionally about this stuff.

Glad he's doing what he should be re: finances and the job hunt's going well.

Any news on your job applications avocado? Hope the last week has been a bit kinder to you. I'm sure you're very up and down. Hopefully the anger has kicked in and is seeing you through the tough times x

Just looked up my old thread, thank you for the words of support. I have been getting lots of RL support from friends and through reading posts on here, though not postung much. I am ok. Still here. He is most definitely with her, and being a complete arsehole. They went away together yet he tells me I am spending too much on the joint account and we need to watch our spending now. He has also bought some hideous new shoes that made me laugh out loud. So... I dunno, trendy? This from my husband who used to wear baggy surf tshirts with holes in that he'd owned for years.

Anyway good news is I have a job interview And I am realising how actually awesome my friends are. And my kids are just wonderful. I am seeing a solicitor next week and the CAB in a couple of weeks (it takes that long for an appointment!)