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Original poster

small problem in new relationship

91 replies

brittanyspierce · 26/03/2014 10:31

I met a lovely man who I've been seeing for a couple of months now, he's kind, funny and smart and I enjoy spending time with him but... we dtd for the first time last week and he has a tiny penis!!
I'm just not sure I can stay with someone if the sex is disappointing?
Obviously this is not something that is going to change or improve but wonder is this something I can become accustomed to? Is it just not what I'm used to or is it a deal breaker?

OP posts:
Abbykins1 · 26/03/2014 10:34

You should get someone who’s hung like a donkey even if he looks and acts like one!

Wind up right????

meditrina · 26/03/2014 10:36

Disappointing sex might be a reason to exit a relationship.

Penile size is unrelated to that.

I suggest you end the relationship. He might be better off with someone who appreciates him exactly as he is. Or at least can separate behaviour from body dimensions.

Guiltypleasures001 · 26/03/2014 10:37

Hi op

Only you can answer those questions, I have dated someone with a small one, but the chemistry was off the scale sex wise, he was a shit in every other way Hmm though. If it matters to you then it's a problem, sex is important it is to me anyway, some others will be along Im sure and say it isn't everything, but for some it is so it will need addressing, I also don't subscribe to any thoughts on this being shallow, you get one life remember.

Original poster
brittanyspierce · 26/03/2014 10:44

Not a wind up Blush It's a serious consideration for me and I don't think it makes me shallow. I have his feelings in mind in that I don't want to continue seeing him if I can not get over this issue...I was I wasleft feeling disappointed after all the build up whichyou get in a new relationship.

OP posts:
firesidechat · 26/03/2014 10:52

Well if you don't like it then maybe let him go. That might sound harsh, but there is so much more to sex than size. Kind, funny and smart will be far more important in twenty years time.

firesidechat · 26/03/2014 10:54

I never post on these kind of threads. Really wish I had kept to my golden rule on this one.

hashtagwhatever · 26/03/2014 10:55

Small penis isn't the same as rubbish sex.

Was the sex disappointing or just his size?

VinoTime · 26/03/2014 10:56

It depends on what's important to you in the relationship.

Personally, bad sex is a deal breaker for me. Guys certainly don't have to be hung like a horse, but the sex does have to be good. I've walked away from several lovely, lovely men in the past because the sex was awful and despite my best attempts to make it better, it didn't improve. When you're looking at your partner/boyfriend/fuck buddy/whatever sound asleep next to you and thinking stupidly violent thoughts because you've been left frustrated and wound up and horny as hell yet again, it's usually time to say bye bye. And it's not that I don't appreciate the wonderful qualities in men and I certainly don't mean to come off as the big bad bitch. I just know that it's important to me to have a good sex life. It's the bit in every relationship (in whatever capacity in may be) I enjoy. If that's lacking, it sours things for me and I become irrationally resentful.

I have a friends with benefits thing going on with a guy at work at the minute. He's not very big, but the sex is great and the chemistry is unlike anything I've felt before in my life. I just want to nibble him. All the time. It's very distracting Grin

Was the sex bad, OP?

mummyOF4darlings · 26/03/2014 10:58

its not the size that matters its how they use it.

Original poster
brittanyspierce · 26/03/2014 10:59

That's it. If I'm honest I think my feelings may actually reflect my fear of getting in too deep rather than anything else. I wanted other people's opinions as I thought it might help me understand why I'm feeling what I am. My marriage ended badly last year maybe it's just too soon and I'm looking for excuses to end this.

OP posts:
laregina · 26/03/2014 11:00

Sorry but I have to ask - how tiny is tiny? Are we talking 4 inches long or an acorn?

I know it's shallow (excuse the pun) but really bad sex (for whatever reason) would be a deal-breaker for me.

Papaluigi · 26/03/2014 11:01

It's not the wand, it's the wizard.

laregina · 26/03/2014 11:03

All the stuff about 'not the size that matters, etc' - is that really true?

I would agree that size isn't everything, but if it's truly tiny surely there are certain 'sensations' that you are missing out on?

Blush
IsItMyArseOrMyElbow · 26/03/2014 11:05

I was thinking the same as laregina are we talking one of those mini cans of impulse or approximately the size of your little finger? Is there girth?

Is he willing to do 'other things' to make up for the unsatisfactory penetrative bit (when I started typing this sentence I was thinking oral sex, but as I finished I was thinking DIY jobs around the house, I think I've been married too long!)

Original poster
brittanyspierce · 26/03/2014 11:09

Well, it is only slightly shorter than average but the real problem lies in the girth... it's what my friend would call a 'pencil penis' and I've always been of the school of thought that I'd rather it touched the sides than tickled the top (not easy since natural birth of rather large ds requiring a substantial repair job!) Blush
Overall the sex wasn't horrific but was drunk first time sex and I literally felt nothing! Blush Blush

OP posts:
EyelinerQueen · 26/03/2014 11:10

"It's not the wand, it's the wizard."

This is bullshit. I don't care if he looks like Idris Elba and has a tongue equipped with an outboard motor. If his penis is tiny (length and girth) then it is a dealbreaker for me.

A large element of sexual fulfillment is the 'fill' part. A wotsit sized appendage is simply not going to work.

I know it sounds harsh and there's nothing men can do about it but it's also unfair to expect women to compromise their sexual satisfaction.

If sex isn't that important to you then fine. It is far too important to me.

laregina · 26/03/2014 11:12

Then IMO it's a problem. I suppose you have to decide how much you like him and if his good points outweigh his 'bad'?

Did he make any reference to it? Am I'm also wondering if there's a chance he was drunk too and therefore hadn't reached his full 'potential'?

(Clutching at straws here)

(Oops - another pun - sorry)

laregina · 26/03/2014 11:13

Hmm - Idris Elba with a tongue equipped with an outboard motor...

Let me ponder that one for a while.....

catinbootz · 26/03/2014 11:18

What EyelinerQueen said ^^

Everyone is different and that's great. But to me good penetrative sex/orgasm is not something I could sacrifice in a relationship.

So yeah, to me size ^does^ matter

Original poster
brittanyspierce · 26/03/2014 11:23

He made no reference to it what so ever and was almost over confident (again not something I'm used to).
He was also fairly drunk so I will take on board that maybe that contributed to the issue.

OP posts:
laregina · 26/03/2014 11:26

So maybe there's a chance it was the alcohol? I would 'investigate' further when he's definitely sober....

mammadiggingdeep · 26/03/2014 11:26

I am about to be shallow. I apologise.

I've always been lucky enough to be with well endowed boyfriends. Inbetween my exes I had a one night stand with a very, very, very small willied man. Talking girth and length here. Very disappointed.

Since then I've always disagreed with the 'size doesn't matter' thing.

Told you it was going to be a shallow post

newbieman1978 · 26/03/2014 11:32

I'd refer you to the recent thread from the woman who despite never having good sex with her partner who then became her husband and to whome she bore a child felt that divorce was getting to be the only option because the sex was so bad and had never improved.

I'd also refer you to a thread I started about sexual compatibility.

To he honest you have answered your own question....Sex to you is important and though this guy is lovely in other ways you need to have a decent sex life. Like others have said decent sex doesn't always follow if a penis is large. Odviouly this guy is a selfish lover is you didn't feel anything (not literally!)

I'd say that if you weren't moved in any way by your sexual encounter with this man and after all it's very early days which generally speaking is the time of most hightened passion then will you ever fine that cemistry?

I don't think you have anything to apologise for or feel guilty for, at the end of the you have met someone, found that something about them is a deal breaker so you just need to end it and move on.

Remember one persons little gripe is anothers deal breaker.

Original poster
brittanyspierce · 26/03/2014 11:32

Thanks for all the responses it's good to get a variety of reactions. I think laregina makes a good point and perhaps sober exploration may be the way forwards...

OP posts:
GarlicMarchHare · 26/03/2014 11:42

I'd give it a go sober, yes. I have to say I've dumped an otherwise brilliant boyfriend for the same reason (I didn't tell him why!) It seems to matter more to some women than others; it matters to me, therefore we were sexually incompatible. It happens. I concluded he'd be better off with either one of those who're satisfied by other means, or a woman of very small build - I'm neither, and I learned something about myself I'm not mentioning wizard's sleeves.