small problem in new relationship

[brittanyspierce]

I met a lovely man who I've been seeing for a couple of months now, he's kind, funny and smart and I enjoy spending time with him but... we dtd for the first time last week and he has a tiny penis!!
I'm just not sure I can stay with someone if the sex is disappointing?
Obviously this is not something that is going to change or improve but wonder is this something I can become accustomed to? Is it just not what I'm used to or is it a deal breaker?

[brittanyspierce]

DrinkFeckArseGirls I don't mean to give the impression that I am judging or laughing at him. He's a great guy but I have never encountered this issue previously. I only asked the question in the hope that some of you lovely mumsnetters may have been in similar situations and be able to offer advice as to whether this is something I can overcome.

[saggytummy]

Could it not have been a combination of that awkward first time you've had sex feeling and his width? I've had good sex with pencil penises but we are all different and some women come through penetrative, some through clitoral stimulation. I'd road test him again, then make your decision. Quite often guys with tiny dicks make up for it in other ways.

[Thetallesttower]

You might also want to bear in mind how you would feel if he was posting on Dadsnet- what shall I do, my new girlfriend is 'ahem' rather baggier down there than I'd like. We all age, especially if we've had children and can't be bothered with our pelvic floor exercises

If you think that's horrendous and shallow, then perhaps think again yourself.

[RedRoom]

'I'd rather it touched the sides than tickled the top (not easy since natural birth of rather large ds requiring a substantial repair job!) Overall the sex wasn't horrific but was drunk first time sex and I literally felt nothing!' So... it's all his fault that his penis couldn't touch the sides of your vagina? How do you know he isn't thinking of ending it with you for the same reason?!!!

[brittanyspierce]

Erm, I don't recall ever saying it was his fault!
As for posting on dadsnet the reasoning behind any thread would determine whether I was upset or not. I haven't posted this so as to laugh at or judge him. I wanted a balanced view point of other peoples experiences.
I have had very satisfying sex since ds was born with my ex who was fairly average sized so although it was different post birth I do know what is normal for me and this wasn't.

[DomesticDisgrace]

Ah that's really unfair redroom!
I can't believe people are having a go at the OP, seems so old fashioned like you'll take what you're given and speak no more about it.

[MadBusLady]

There's plenty of women out there who aren't particularly fussed about penetrative sex (or so we're told), he might be the ideal partner for one of them. I don't think this is really about certain men being inadequate for all purposes!

[DrinkFeckArseGirls]

Bot having a go at the op, but we jeep on telling ourselves = women, look we are great whatever shape or size we are, stretch marks are great because they show what other bodies have gone through, etc, etc and fir a guy it's basically: oh, small cock, I won't bother.

It's just ironic that OP complained about him not touching the sides when she admitted things have changed down there since she had given birth!

If they are not compatible sexually, no one suggests she ' just gets what she's given' but I feel sorry for the guy.

[DrinkFeckArseGirls]

Gah, again - sorry for the typos, fat fingers.

Keep on

[DrinkFeckArseGirls]

Tbh when I first got together with an ex of mine, I was disappointed with his size but soon it didn't matter. And as weeks went, he relaxed and it got a bit bigger too! Also due to medical issues we were expecting that in the future full sex might not be on cards and I was happy to accept that. Him not so much. It wasn't because I was so self sacrificing but by then I loved him, blah blah blah. It didn't work out anyway but that's my bit to put in.

[JohnFarleysRuskin]

You haven't read the threads by mothers worried about their sons size, have you? They'll be gutted to read this :(

If he's nice I'd give him another go, see if he works harder next time. The chemistry and effort are more important to me sex wise.

[GarlicMarchHare]

Oh, good grief, we've had threads on here about men that are too well-hung. When the OP's said she tried this & that, and still isn't comfy, the general view is you can have too much of a good thing and goodbye. Same problem (genital incompatibility,) less hand-wringing.

As others have said, there's a ton of reasons why a couple might not work well sexually. How much that matters is an individual characteristic, not a moral value.

There is NO reason why a woman should compromise her own long-term happiness for a man's ego.

As an aside, this discussion really shows why men don't understand about everyday sexism. Not a single poster has been mean about men with small willies, yet several have been hurt all the same - some stooping to attack the OP. Ridiculous.

[JohnFarleysRuskin]

I think it has been mocking- not the op- and I don't like people being mocked because of physical stuff over which they have no control.

[GarlicMarchHare]

It hasn't been mocking!

Do you know what everyday sexism is, John?

Nice tits.
You should have worn a bra.
Smile, nobody's died.
You're quite sexy for a fat bird.
Lose some weight.
Put some weight on.
What a dog.
Who'd fancy that?
Etc.

Women go about their daily business being sexually insulted, day in, day out.

Saying you aren't happy with your partner is not a sexual insult.

[JohnFarleysRuskin]

I do know what everyday sexism is, cheers. I don't get the relevance.

[GarlicMarchHare]

OK.

[ShinyTurd]

Ick, thin willy, not good . I don't particularly like them either but it wouldn't put me off a man as a potential bf if I really like him. You have to size up (get it!!) whether you think he is bf material or whether this will bother you too much.

[GertTheFlirt]

This is bullshit. I don't care if he looks like Idris Elba and has a tongue equipped with an outboard motor. If his penis is tiny (length and girth) then it is a dealbreaker for me.

A large element of sexual fulfillment is the 'fill' part. A wotsit sized appendage is simply not going to work.

dear god, there's always one with a bucket

[piratecat]

i once met someone with a very very small one, and it was a real shock.

He was a big guy physically, and i had never encountered such a difference. We had alot of passion, but it was very difficult to feel really turned on during intercourse.

[EyelinerQueen]

Yes yes of course Gert because any woman who can't attain sexual pleasure from a tiny penis (note that I said tiny and not smaller than average as per my original post) must have a bucket fanny .

Fwiw I don't (thank you kegels) but do keep on wittering if it makes you happy. These threads always go a certain way.

OP - you haven't said anything untoward at all. You've been honest which some people don't like. I think it's a good idea to have another go in a booze free scenario. Hopefully things will improve . If not then don't feel bad for not pursuing the relationship. Everyone has their own needs and they deserve to have said needs met.

[Innogen]

To people playing the 'what if a man said this?' card - if a man was struggling to enjoy sex with his partner, because their genitals were mismatched, I'd tell him too keep looking too.

This isn't about anyone having a micropenis or a bucket fanny, this is about finding someone whose body matches yours. Regardless of gender.

[buttonortwo]

Well said innogen. I understand what op is saying. I had no problem with ex husband but exp was smaller and I knew what sex could be like but wasn't with him. This was due to his size, chemistry was there. It's just compatibility - both ways.

[AmyMorris4974260]

Believe me when I say,that there is nothing worse if you really like a guy and then find out he only has a small dick!Reminds me of a really nice exboyfriend who I had to dump because of it. Cocktail sausage comes to mind ladies,haha.

When we two people love each other making love is the best way to express it and having a small dick is going to make the sex very disappointing.There are other ways to get pleasure but nothing can compare to good quality penetration sex,and to get that good quality penetration your man needs to have a decent size willy.

Sex is way too important in a relationship to compromise and feel unsatisfied.Don't forget the feeling of being unsatisfied will come each and every time you have sex.We only live once and it would be awful for you never to have good sex again if you stayed with him.So definitely dump the guy especially if you haven't been going out long,sad but true I'm afraid.As if you did stay with him you will probably end up cheating,which is bad.

[HairyGrotter]

I had an ex with an extremely small penis, I tried and tried to make it work (the relationship) but his issues with his manhood impacted all areas of the relationship. I never ever mentioned it, would be supportive, encouraging etc but he preferred to use porn and turned out to have a bigger dick on his forehead.

He may be a nice guy, at least try with him as it's not all about penetration but be aware that his issues around it may well impact you in other ways!

[TalisaMaegyr]

AmyMorris4974260 sorry, but that is utter shit. 'End up cheating' because the guy has a small penis? Nonsense.

OP, I can see why you're disappointed, but really, sex can be good whatever the size. If he's shit in bed, he's shit in bed, nothing to do with size.

I'm really shocked at the tone of some of these posts. My stbexh is small, but we had a great sex life.