Talk me down. DH away with colleagues. I have his iPad. FB messages.

[RolyPolyLittleBatFacedGirl]

Dh away on conference with colleagues. He's left his ipad here and FB messages show in the locked screen. Loads of messages from female colleague. I looked. Messages earlier like we're all drinking wine in so and so's room, come and join us.... fine.

But the latest exchange was of her taking the piss about something. Him saying 'love you', then 'not tired yet' and 'can I come down. Talk', she says 'Yeah for 15 min

That was nearly an hour ago. Green eyed me sent him a message to ask wtf was going on 45 mins ago and he's not seen it.

Wow that's a really sensitive post.

Maybe the ones you flirt with. There are always going to be idiots who will poke the office bike oceans. I guess thats what they tell you!

Ignore Ocean. He's just posting for his own amusement

I too work in a male dominated industry.

That said, the OP hasn't been back which may mean its not been good news for her.

Hahahaha - Ocean. Grow up!
Enjoy your 'shagging' with your slimy mates (ahem... porn in the hotel room!).

Hi everybody. Sorry for taking time to get back to you -couldn't face rehashing everything straight away and needed some time to process.

In a nutshell, we're ok (ish).I'm confident that DH didn't cheat and didn't want anything to happen. He readily admits to being pissed up and flirty but that the 'end' wasn't a Shag, but a puff on the ecig, which she was delighting in withholding from him and teasing him with. He is very very sorry indeed and will do whatever it takes to win back my trust.

However, he knows loud and fucking clear that I am livid and gutted that he valued our marriage so lowly as to risk it in anyway. To do anything that would make me even think that anything went on.

We talked, I didn't fill in the silences and I grilled him on everything. Every word. On my request he's taken the rest of this week off work, and had slept on the sofa since. He knows he done wrong, I'm just glad it wasn't as wrong add it could have been. Needless to say, next time there's any sort of overnight stay, he'll be making excuses. Same with work socials for the time being. I know that's controlling but that's what I need.
I want to thank you all for your time, thoughts and advice. I never thought I'd be needing to use this board but I'm very glad it's here.

Glad things are okay -ish for you.

It's your life not a tv soap so it feels wrong to urge you to post again. Thanks for coming back to update OP.

Thank you for the update, OP. Have been thinking about you for the past couple of days and hoping things were OK. Okay-ish is a start!
Good luck to you.

:)

OP - you sound very strong. I truly hope everything works out okay and you can feel trust and respect from your husband again.

I think you may be needing this board a lot more in the future.

There seem to be lots of people who post on MN who are too keen to think the worst of husbands and be too eager to get posters to ditch their husbands. People make mistakes husbands included and a little patience would solve many problems.

Brabra - Thanks for the vote of confidence.
Despite what you might think I'm not a mug. After a great deal of talking, questioning and processing I'm 100% confident that DH did not cheat and I'm not about to throw away 15 years together and the happiness and security of my children over this. Am I going to make him realise that what he did was wrong? You bloody bet I am. He's agreed to every demand I've made and not minimised or questioned my feelings or reaction in any way.
Sorry that my life wasn't soap-opera exciting enough for you.

If it was as innocent as you say, why would he be willing to take time off work or alter his working away patterns or social life to please you. He knows he came very close to being found out and is scared. If he was innocent would he really be doing this? Sounds like a very guilty conscience to me. Sorry OP.

Been watching this thread, and just wanted to say well done, and hope you are okay. Sometimes some of the posts on here can make you feel worse, and that you are in the wrong for not LTB the minute something goes wrong. I am sure you are not a mug, and that if you even get a wiff of something again, he will be read the final riot act.

Sounds like you handled it all really well under the circumstances, and I hope your DH has had the fright of his life and works his socks off to regain your trust. Good luck.

Think it's unfair to suggest people want a soap opera thread because they don't agree with the course of action the op has taken.

I think the right thing has been done but I also think there's prob a bit more to it...ie. I don't think he really went to the room for a cig. I don't think this would be worth losing the marriage over though.

Good luck with everything op- I'm so glad he's at least responding to your expression of anger and upset and I hope he puts it right

X

I'm glad he's talking to you about this OP. You have your antennae up now and if the talking hasn't quite got to the bottom of it, it's achieved that.

I'm picking up a point that mammadiggingdeep has made - about cigs - e-cigs/cigarettes, all the same really in that a smoker (ie. a nicotine addict) would be very unlikely to allow themselves to run out of 'cigarettes' or whatever the 'thingie' is that e-cigs use. I used to smoke, smoked for 20 years and was super-organised about that - because I was addicted to nicotine. When I stopped smoking, I was amazed at how much freer I was without needing that level of consideration for my habit...

You would know this best OP... does your husband routinely run out of 'materials' when he's at home?

Re the cigs - DH gave up smoking last October (lapsed again a month later). The director of his organisation set a challenge that if he could give up smoking until xmas he would give dh a tenner. Consequently, DH had been a non smoker at work since. He wasn't organised enough to take any NRT with him and pissed up he got desperate. Didn't want to look bad in front of the big boss.

When my DP smoked he ALWAYS used to run out of cigarettes. Really pissed me off because he'd be snappy and mardy until he bought some more! He doesn't really prepare/organise for anything though.

Sometimes it's easier to believe a story. Doesn't really matter if true or not. If you believe it then really that's all that matters. I think you have shit him up with your response anyway do doubt he will be making that mistake again in a hurry.

Roly... Fair enough, if he's disorganised then it could have happened as he said. For somebody organised (ie. me), I could not have got away with this as an excuse as I was organised. It's what your husband is like that is important.

Sorry to be harsh but he so clearly planned on +/- did shag her.
However, he's obviously realised he doesn't want to lose you and he is doing everything he can to prevent you from finding out the truth and kicking him out.
ALL men are capable of cheating despite all those on MN who insist their hd never would.
And I am not saying this as someone who has been cheated on but I totally realise it could happen to any of us.

It seems odd about the 1 hour gap ?