Talk me down. DH away with colleagues. I have his iPad. FB messages.

[RolyPolyLittleBatFacedGirl]

Dh away on conference with colleagues. He's left his ipad here and FB messages show in the locked screen. Loads of messages from female colleague. I looked. Messages earlier like we're all drinking wine in so and so's room, come and join us.... fine.

But the latest exchange was of her taking the piss about something. Him saying 'love you', then 'not tired yet' and 'can I come down. Talk', she says 'Yeah for 15 min

That was nearly an hour ago. Green eyed me sent him a message to ask wtf was going on 45 mins ago and he's not seen it.

Intent was probably there. As for least likely to cheat award.....anyone is capable especially if drunk.

I've worked as a consultant with near-100% travel so I've seen what an inappropriate work environment looks like. My husband works in an office with his father and always wants me to join him on business trips, so he would be appalled if he knew what my 20's work-life was like in a married context - bear in mind, I was not married.

I think it's possible, but not likely, that the OP's husband has not had sex with the woman in question.

Hey! I said I was at risk of getting flamed, so it was likely to irritate someone probably.

I was just saying what I'd seen (and experienced) And trust me I've seen a lot worse on these type of nights away sadly (as in proper cheating) - was all very 'When in Vegas' type behaviour...

I didn't for one minute say my behaviour was excusable or correct. It was, however, 10 years ago, and I'm a very different person now. I was just saying what I'd experienced.

I have only ever been the 'other woman' those two times, and no time did it result in sex or anything even close. One offs, drunken, ridiculous, bad behaviour, yes. But jesus, I was never the 'other woman'!!! I think any woman can be irresistible after a lot of drink (10 pints anyone!) so I wasn't bigging myself up either. When you're single yourself (which I was, newly single), and drunk yourself, no offence but you're not really thinking that clearly.

But, in this situation nothing happened. The Op intercepted some messages.

Seriously? There's women out there who would read the riot act, walk out on their husbands, break up a happy family, destroy two children's lives.. on the basis of this???? Complete overreaction imo.

You mention feeling green eyed. I'd feel fucking fuming. Less green eyed, more red mist.

Yep! I agree with person that said this. If he was asking her to go down to her room etc, you need to be mad with him.
Sounds well dodge I'm afraid OP. Hope you get answers from him x

Does he have to go on these trips? I would not want him going again if that was my husband, so much temptation.

OP I think you need to scare him, let him know if he was to stray what would happen to your family.

I wasn't referring to you as the other woman purple I was talking generally about 'people who cheat.'

This is what gets my goat though:

Seriously? There's women out there who would read the riot act, walk out on their husbands, break up a happy family, destroy two children's lives.. on the basis of this???? Complete overreaction imo.

I don't think anyone has said LTB, just don't be two quick to write it off as a bit of drunken fun. If he has slept with someone and OP leaves, is it her who has broken up the family and chosen to 'destroy two children's lives' or him?!

Personally I would be majorly pissed off that my DH was sending messages like that to a colleague as it is unprofessional and inappropriate. If I could prove that was all there was to it, would I leave him? No. Would I trust him for the foreseeable future? No! Would it diminish his standing in my eyes? Hell yeah!

*too quick

purplebaubles... You aren't being flamed, this isn't about you and you have no idea what happened unless-you-were-there.

Purple- nobody has said to leave. Nobody has said the op should split her family on the basis of this. Stop putting words out there that haven't been posted.

Also, please, stop minimising. Intercepting messages is not all that happened. The ops h went to a female's room at midnight on a trip away.

The op herself has said she's mad about that, you're minimising it, she isn't.

Exactly what lying said. That is my sentiment I just took far more words to say it less articulately.

What funky said, exactly that - does he think you are an idiot?

"not likely to try that again?"
No - now he will make much more of an effort to be sure to sign out of FB, email accounts, start to delete browsing history etc ......

He should be able to go away with work without acting like he on a school trip - if he was on the scrounge for fags/e-cigs why wasn't he messaging other people (inc. male colleagues?).

More to the point...if he wanted fags, why didnt he just say, 'can I come and scrounge a fag please??'. Why the messaging before and after a trip, why the 'love you', why the 'can we talk?'

• trip to the room...

Oh aye, that as well Mamma

It all sounds really unprofessional to me. At the very least op, make it clear that he never goes to another colleague's hotel room at night again - serious boundary issue. I don't care what his excuse is, he ought to be worried about his own sleazy behaviour and very sorry. Maybe it's time to think about resuming your career/make some career plans? Just because he sounds flakey to me, hard choose though.

Don't let him get away with it easily OP. I could not imagine saying 'love you' to a collegue or even a friend male or female. I would also never try and get into a female collegues bedroom in the very early hours of the morning! He's overstepped the mark big time here. Make sure he knows it.

Whether he had sex is irrelevant.

He behaved with utter disrespect to you. He may or may not have been after a shag (or a fag). Doesn't matter. He was doing something that he clearly knew you wouldn't like as he deleted his stuff. Pathetic, self-centred, childish behaviour. He has put you in the humiliating and unenviable position of having to be his keeper, it's not an appealing role. Twat!

Tell him that. Tell him that he needs to grow up and remember he is an adult with responsibilities and you are not his mum

I know if I need a chewy or someone makes me a brew at work I might say 'love you' in a stupid way but NOT in the middle of the night and NOT on FB (maybe take a teeny bit of comfort in the fact they weren't texting? and assuming he doesn't have her number?) and NOT to a man.

I've been on work trips like Purple where it all gets a bit boozy and flirty. Banter etc and a bit of childish innuendo. But nothing that people wouldn't be happy for their partners to see.

I think the fact this was when they were presumably in bed and alone makes it a bit more intimate as well. It make me feel a bit dicky so can't imagine how you feel OP.

So he spent an hour in a hotel room with a female colleague at 12 or 1 in the morning then message her before checking your message to him? My husband wouldnt be happy for me to do that and I wouldnt be happy if he did.

They had sex or they talked, I wonder if he will tell you the truth?

"But, in this situation nothing happened. The Op intercepted some messages."

How do you know nothing happened purplebaubles? Or have I missed something? The OP's DH is saying 'nothing' happened but I can't see any particular reason to automatically assume he's telling the truth given the circumstances.

Mind you I also disagree with the assessment that "drink is to blame". Er, no. Drink lowers inhibitions but it doesn't make anyone do anything they don't want to do. And if someone is the kind of person who loses control completely when they drink, you'd hope they'd bear that in mind.

OP, it seems you are intent on convincing yourself that nothing sexual happened in that hotel room. Your H hasn't even had to try very hard, you have done it all for him in the face of evidence to the contrary.

I don't think you believe him at all, you seem resigned to having to keep the family together due to kids and finances. That is of course your decision, but you do yourself no favours by letting him off the hook and protecting him from the consequences of his own behaviour in this way.

If you challenge him further upon his return, what do you think will happen ?

I don't think OP is trying to convince herself of anything tbh.

Seems like she's in shock, has asked DH about it, he's given her an answer and now she's trying to suss out how she feels about it/whether she believes him (based on her knowing him but not necessarily what's gone on here...) - and will know more tonight.

In my experience, his face might say it all.

His face will say nothing that he doesn't want it to say, unfortunately. That's in my experience :(