The ex wife

[Justthegirlfriend]

Long time lurker first time poster.

My bf ex wife is starting to become a bit of a nightmare and its really hard for me to bite my tounge so I'm going to have a wee rant. Please don't flame me but I need to get this out. I did try netmums but there was too much huni and xx for my liking. Plus you lovely vipers will give it to me straight

1. She is demanding to meet me not to just be aware of me but to see how simple I am - wft I am an educated 30 year old woman who does not need to be judged by a random woman who seems to want to hate me from the get go. I was all for her meeting me before I meet the boys but now not so much.

1. She has told him that he is not allowed to live with my at all or ever because this is a bad environment for the children and it will confuse them. This woman through him a short time before the new bf moved in even the 5 year old knows that's what happened. No idea how it would be a bad environment we both work and are respectable people.

1. Everything we do she has to do better. We have a night out in a so called "posh" part for town and had a few bottle of champagne we had a fab night. It's no big dealing going to this part of town I have always went there but she has to boast about going to the same part of town and drinking champagne because we have.

Pleases give me some coping stratages and please tell me this nonsense will stop. I have tried the this too shall pass but I don't think it will.

Oh god I'm a bitch aren't I?

"I would never encroach on that time."

I thought you were moving in together soon? Are you going to be banished from your own home? What about overnights?

"At no point did I say I wanted to be a step parent." Well then don't get involved with married men who have children?

Did I see he only has 1 day access? Well he (and you) should definitely protect that short contact time as time for dad and DC alone right now. My DP had his DC 1 night a week and every w/end (Friday night and to Sunday morning). I think that time was so important for all of them.

I first met them when we had been together about 14 months. We moved after nearly three years together. I think taking it slowly is a big factor in the fact we're still together.

I asked for coping strats and opinions on if her behaviour was normal. I didn't ask anything about my bf behaviour you decided to jump all over that

You can't really cherry pick what you want to hear, you are seeing this situation from a one sided view point, most people who are not involved will look at it from all aspects, that includes where your boyfriend fits in all this.

We have talked about moving in around June/July time. I have offered not to be around on a sunday if he feels that will help the boys

You thougth she was the problem, but other people see things differently.

OP. Your posts will get disected and criticised.

Never, ever be a partner criticising an ex wife.

I'm surprised you haven't started being called the other woman yet.

Live your life.

I'm asking for this thread to be deleted

Thanks does I think it's heading there

I know you are not a step-parent "technically". But you will assume a parental role when you are with them, it is unavoidable.

You asked for a coping strategy and it is take a step back. Meant with your interests at heart from somebody who has been in a similar situation.

I thought you might (want the thread deleted)

Do you really think most posters on this thread really have the wife's interests at heart?

I don't think anyone has defended her actions if what your boyfriend is telling you about her is true.

And there's the rub. That little word. If.

I am frequently to be found supporting women whose partners have yet to leave their wives

What a nonsensical (and deeply unpleasant) sentence Sangria.

If a 'partner' lives with his wife, then he's not anyone else's partner

But Justthegirlfriend I was in your situation. I was the new girlfriend of a man who was separated but not yet divorced. My advice was based on experience and concern for all parties. Take it a bit slower...not that controversial?

Having just read this whole thread, all I can say is. ...
Those poor kids

Never, ever be a partner criticising an ex wife

I don't even see it as the OP criticising the ex wife TBH.

My advice is to someone who I think is 1. rushing in blindly 2. quite possibly having her relationship with this man used by him in a game which is between the ex wife and the OPs boyfriend. A man that would do that wouldn't have the OPs best interests at heart and being involved with someone still in the throes of a relationship ending is never wise.

OP you can't have a thread deleted just because you don't like what you are being told.

I don't have an issue with your advice Georgia you have been through it. I have issue with the women so seem to be projecting

Projecting what exactly?

Project and being unhelpful with comments like this

I am frequently to be found supporting women whose partners have yet to leave their wives

How was that unhelpful in the context it was written in?

Again, project what?

Frankly I feel that some of the posters are bitter ex wives who aren't happy that their ex has moved on.

I thank those for the useful advice. Please let this thread die now

Oh dear

I think you are as wrong about posters on this thread as you are about your boyfriend, but there you go.

I am not a bitter ex wife but. Can give you some really simple advice that if you follow it could solve your problem.

1. Tell your DP to stop telling you anything that hs ex wife tells him about her nights out.

1. If he starts telling you, just say 'please stop I really am. Or interested'

1. Find her on Facebook and block her.

1. Only post photos so friends can see them, don't tag your DP. Any of them.

This will solve the problems.

You want it straight ( as per your OP) - take a step back, stop asking him or letting him tell you about stuff she has apparently said.

• Look at it from both sides (you're and adult)

• Wait a few more months before you consider living together

• Remember that ExW and the children go together - it's a package not a pick mix

• Think long and hard about what you really want

I don't see what you are seeing re:bitter ex-wife types on this Thread all. I think all the advice has been pretty similar.

If you are unwilling to put things on the back burner until DP is divorced I suggest that you establish stronger boundaries between your relationship with DP and his relationship with his wife. Make wife (and related issues) a no go area. And definitely have no contact with their DC until dust has settled on divorce.