The ex wife

[Justthegirlfriend]

Long time lurker first time poster.

My bf ex wife is starting to become a bit of a nightmare and its really hard for me to bite my tounge so I'm going to have a wee rant. Please don't flame me but I need to get this out. I did try netmums but there was too much huni and xx for my liking. Plus you lovely vipers will give it to me straight

1. She is demanding to meet me not to just be aware of me but to see how simple I am - wft I am an educated 30 year old woman who does not need to be judged by a random woman who seems to want to hate me from the get go. I was all for her meeting me before I meet the boys but now not so much.

1. She has told him that he is not allowed to live with my at all or ever because this is a bad environment for the children and it will confuse them. This woman through him a short time before the new bf moved in even the 5 year old knows that's what happened. No idea how it would be a bad environment we both work and are respectable people.

1. Everything we do she has to do better. We have a night out in a so called "posh" part for town and had a few bottle of champagne we had a fab night. It's no big dealing going to this part of town I have always went there but she has to boast about going to the same part of town and drinking champagne because we have.

Pleases give me some coping stratages and please tell me this nonsense will stop. I have tried the this too shall pass but I don't think it will.

Oh god I'm a bitch aren't I?

Alarm bells.
He was cheated on by his wife and he's considering miving in with someone else less than 12 months later. He consistently tells you what his Ex is saying about you even though none of it is pleasant? What does he hope to achieve by that ? Do you get upset and jealoys ? I rather suspect that the batteing his self esteem took is boosted by your upset.

The stuff about FB and champagne in a posh part of town makes you sound about 15.

I also would consider posting on relationships rather than strp parents. There are so many red flags in your relationship that it's positively scarlet.

It's always difficult when a relationship breaks down and the children are going to sound time with another woman. She us understandably anxious about this. Block her on Facebook so you can't stalk each other!
I would meet her tbh as I think this would smooth the way forward.
Whether you like it or not she will always have a role in your partners life so I reckon you would benefit from making a friend out of her rather than an enemy but that doesn't mean you should be walked over either.

If he is telling you all this, it seems like he wants you to be annoyed with her.

I would also walk away but I wouldn't get back in touch when he is divorced. If it is as you describe and you genuinely have done nothing to upset her then it's unlikely to improve and your only option is accepting that she will always have an opinion and an element of control through the DCs. Only you know if it's worth it.

Phew. Thought was lone wolf for a while there.

OP- seriously, it might all end up wonderfully for you, and you are clearly very besotted with this man.

But you need to open your eyes a bit, and see that at very least, he is telling you all this to boost his own self esteem. At worst, he's over egging the madpsychobitch thing to the extent I'd even be questioning who ended the relationship and why. Remember you are hearing one side of a story here.

You know why I asked about where he was living don't you? Because while people do fall in love in a nanosecond, and move in together and live happily ever after, the more common reality is this is a man who has been chucked out of a marriage that presumably less than a year ago, he was totally happy with.....and now he wants to move in with you? Because a) he doesn't want to be on his own b) because your place is not a mingy bachelor pad.

You can ask for this thread to be moved to relationships if you think it would be helpful.

I don't get upset or jealous of it.. She was the one boasting about drinking in that part of town and rubbing is nose in it when to us/ me itisn't really a big deal.

He doesn't constantly tell me things that she has said. All this came up during a conversation at lunch which was being constantly interrupted by her boasting text messages. Then the whole thing came out about meeting her and her comments about him moving in and he asked my opinion.

I personally see no issue with the timing of moving in with someone. People get married in the same time scale, engaged or pregnate.

The fb thing was two pics one of a bottle of champagne and a pic of him and the comment was something like 'fab date night this is going down a treat.' My bf isn't on facebook as he is a very private person. I am unaware if she is, I haven't asked or checked as I am not 15.

How do I ask for this to be moved?

Who can tolerate this sort of nonsense? Why doesn't he turn his phone off? He is probably loving every minute of it. She dumped him but is still yanking his chain. And he feels a bit connected, but he has a nice new girlfriend and that makes him feel better.

She's not a random woman. She has children who are going to be around you and Mr Speedy in Love.

I'm not saying she is not a pain, but he would have to be the most amazing man in the world for me to tolerate this even for a nano second.

Constantly interrupted by text messages ? Doesn't his phone have an 'off' switch ?

First of all you both need to sort the settings out on your fb. This sounds like a classic case of fb he said/she said tit-for-tat nonsense, and it's SOOO tedious and childish on all sides. If he is reasonably recently separated and has mutual friends of hers on his fb then the best thing you could both do is KEEP YOUR RELATIONSHIP OFF IT.

If she doesn't hear about what you are doing then she won't have anything to need to 'keep up' with you over. I'm quite sure she will be reading/hearing about all this stuff and being convinced that you do it just to rub her nose in it.

Nfk- I think he is and it's not like its a constant stream if she said

Monetbyhimself - yes it does

Michello he isn't on Facebook and I don't think we have mutual friends.

I think you ALL sound very immature.

I think it's early days and you are a rebound and this will end in tears (yours). Clearly he and his ex have not reached closure yet.

Why on earth are people recommending the Step Parenting Board? (or perhaps it's secretly know as how to deal with nuisance ex wives by those that post there?). OP is NOT a step parent, she's a NEW girlfriend.

OK, I know you've said you don't play your life out on fb but she is getting this stuff from somewhere - how does she know what bars you've been to and what you drank? And if you know she had been doing the same then how?

Also even by June/July I honestly think it is FAR too soon to be thinking about moving in with a guy who started seeing you a matter of weeks after laving his wife. I hate to say thins but you are probably his transitional relationship. Enjoy it, take it slowly, and if it works out in the long term then great, but don't try to rush it. It will be a disaster.

He's not yet divorce and very newly separated in the big scheme of things. He also wasn't the person who wanted the separation if it was the wife doing the cheating - that's massive and you don't get over it in a matter of weeks (which is what you're suggesting has happened if he separated in September and you have been seeing him 7/8 months).

7/8 months isn't generally considered too soon to be meeting the children. However, he's not yet divorced and has been with you since he separated. No head space. No physical space. No opportunity for anyone - let alone the children - to come to terms with what happened. It's too early.

She will never like you. At best you will be tolerated. Meeting her is up to you. You can live together and she can't stop that although she can of course play games with child contact. However, the courts would put a stop to that if it came to it.

You have no idea of what is going on in her head so stop assuming she is jealous/angry/keeping up with the ex and his girlfriend. Ideally, your partner should block her on Facebook and refuse to discuss anything other than the children. The thing is, with the short timescale of it all happening, neither of them have had the opportunity to separate themselves from each other.

Thanks for the advice

Are you going to take any of it ? The advice that is. ....

This is my first realtionship with a guy with children and an ex wife. I will take everything that has been said on board.

I needed to see how this pans out over the next few weeks and see if its something I need to run from

The ex wife[not technically if they arent yet divorced] aside, it all seems to be moving a bit fast. talking about moving in with someone you have only been seeing for 4 months is a bit of a red flag.

It does sound a bit like he is using what goes on between you and him to 'get at' his ex.

Personally, Id run for the hills if I were you.

Lots of projection on this thread.

From where Boney?

What makes you think that boneyback?

I think it's being inferred we are ex wives Just.

I'm not btw. I'm not a wife at all, present or past.

I was getting the feeling that there might be some about. Oh course people may project it's only natural