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Original poster

The ex wife

178 replies

Justthegirlfriend · 23/03/2014 15:38

Long time lurker first time poster.

My bf ex wife is starting to become a bit of a nightmare and its really hard for me to bite my tounge so I'm going to have a wee rant. Please don't flame me but I need to get this out. I did try netmums but there was too much huni and xx for my liking. Plus you lovely vipers will give it to me straight

  1. She is demanding to meet me not to just be aware of me but to see how simple I am - wft I am an educated 30 year old woman who does not need to be judged by a random woman who seems to want to hate me from the get go. I was all for her meeting me before I meet the boys but now not so much.
  1. She has told him that he is not allowed to live with my at all or ever because this is a bad environment for the children and it will confuse them. This woman through him a short time before the new bf moved in even the 5 year old knows that's what happened. No idea how it would be a bad environment we both work and are respectable people.
  1. Everything we do she has to do better. We have a night out in a so called "posh" part for town and had a few bottle of champagne we had a fab night. It's no big dealing going to this part of town I have always went there but she has to boast about going to the same part of town and drinking champagne because we have.

Pleases give me some coping stratages and please tell me this nonsense will stop. I have tried the this too shall pass but I don't think it will.

Oh god I'm a bitch aren't I?

OP posts:
Monetbyhimself · 23/03/2014 17:30

I think that's wise OP.
I don't think it's unreasonable to ask him not to relay any of her criticisms of you, or to keep his phone switched off if you're having lunch. Tell him she's HIS problem and you don't want to be involved in any way. If he's happy to protect you from whatever she may be saying that's a positive.
If he or you don't react, she's less likely to continue. Keep everything off FB and slow things down a little. Those kids must be absolutely reeling from everything that's happened. If he IS the one, he'll still be the one in 12 months time.

BoneyBackJefferson · 23/03/2014 17:38

"It's one of those dreadful Facebook things, isn't it?"

Before any mention of FB had been on the thread.

"he is using what goes on between you and him to 'get at' his ex."
Not sure where it says this on the thread.

"He also wasn't the person who wanted the separation if it was the wife doing the cheating - that's massive and you don't get over it in a matter of weeks"

We don't know what state the relationship was is or his state of mind

"I think it's early days and you are a rebound and this will end in tears"

We don't know what state the relationship was is or his state of mind

"If he is reasonably recently separated and has mutual friends of hers on his fb then the best thing you could both do is KEEP YOUR RELATIONSHIP OFF IT."

He isn't on FB according to the OP

"She has children who are going to be around you and Mr Speedy in Love."

Mr Speedy is my bold, he has already been judged

"because your place is not a mingy bachelor pad."

We don't know what his "pad" is like

"3. How do you know all this? He tells you? That would leave me with a very bit Hmm face I'm afraid. But about him, not her. "

He shouldn't talk to his gf about what has gone on in his life?

Then there is the use of the term "red flag"

Drank the term "ex wives club" is again your perception of this.

maggiemight · 23/03/2014 17:38

She probably thought her ex-to-be was a prat as she went off with someone else.
The fact that another woman is interested in him has maybe left her Shock and she is struggling to accept this, also her DCs will spend time with this new woman so maybe not liking that.

I would cool it for a while. Tell him to play down your relationship and postpone moving in for a bit (it's a bit soon because if it doesn't work out it is v sad for the DCs).

And see how you both feel in a few months' time. Then take it slowly, meeting the DCs etc.

DrankSangriaInThePark · 23/03/2014 17:43

And then it turned out the ex probably had seen the stuff on Facebook......

And seriously, what kind of man makes his current partner feel as shit as our OP clearly does by telling her what his ex wife thinks of her? That warrants more than a humphy face in my book tbh.

KhloeKardashian · 23/03/2014 17:48

There are plenty of Men out there who are not still married to a wife living with another Man, and have no children, I would find one of them if I were you OP.

Original poster
Justthegirlfriend · 23/03/2014 17:48

He doesn't make me feel like shit. I have just never been a person to cast judgment on someone else before meeting them. I might be blonde and girly but I'm not bloody simple. Angry

OP posts:
Original poster
Justthegirlfriend · 23/03/2014 17:48

Although I am very good at playing dumb hehe

OP posts:
BoneyBackJefferson · 23/03/2014 17:50

DrankSangriaInThePark

"And then it turned out the ex probably had seen the stuff on Facebook......"

Keyword "probably"

"what kind of man makes his current partner feel as shit as our OP clearly does by telling her what his ex wife thinks of her?"

You are implying that he said it deliberately to hurt the OP. It may have said in venting or as in my ex is being stupid.

OwlCapone · 23/03/2014 17:55

It's not projection, it's simply going on the information provided. Which is all you can do on a talk board.

MichelloBarner · 23/03/2014 17:57

Where did you get the idea that she wants to meet you to see how simple you are? did your boyfriend tell you that?

AmberLeaf · 23/03/2014 17:57

"he is using what goes on between you and him to 'get at' his ex."
Not sure where it says this on the thread

It doesn't.
What I actually said was;

It does sound a bit like he is using what goes on between you and him to 'get at' his ex

If you are going to quote me, quote all of what I wrote to give context. I was giving my opinion based on what the OP has posted.

I am not projecting. I am saying how it appears to me, as an outsider who is not emotionally connected.

Original poster
Justthegirlfriend · 23/03/2014 17:58

I seen the text saying she wants to meet me to see "how simple she must be to be with you"

OP posts:
AmberLeaf · 23/03/2014 18:00

What's your opinion of all this then Boneyback?

BoneyBackJefferson · 23/03/2014 18:01

Owl

If you can find information on the state of his pad from what the OP has written you are doing well.

There is nothing to imply that he rushed in to the relationship, we don't know how it started.

And the point about moving in was brought up in relation to the bf's (she is happy with the timescale, although may be rethinking now). Should the bf not tell the mother of his children that he is moving in with someone?

AmberLeaf · 23/03/2014 18:02

The full quote from her text does put the comment in a different context.

I think that the key point in all of this, is that it really isn't about you it is about their unfinished relationship.

BoneyBackJefferson · 23/03/2014 18:04

amber

I agree with this
"see how you both feel in a few months' time. Then take it slowly, meeting the DCs etc."
posted by Maggiemight

and would add 6 months to the moving in together date.

Original poster
Justthegirlfriend · 23/03/2014 18:04

His pad is very nice. 2bed lower villa very neat and tidy. Although the pool table and BMW pics aren't to my taste

OP posts:
KhloeKardashian · 23/03/2014 18:05

She must think he is a very cleaver Man who conns Women then.

AmberLeaf · 23/03/2014 18:06

There is nothing to imply that he rushed in to the relationship, we don't know how it started

2 months post seperation from his wife and already stating to the OP that he is moving in with her and its none of his wifes business

Not to be 'down' on the relationship you are having with him OP, but there does seem to be an element of doing certain things to piss off the ex to it. I wouldn't like to be used in this way.

BoneyBackJefferson · 23/03/2014 18:12

"2 months post seperation from his wife and already stating to the OP that he is moving in with her and its none of his wifes business"

Lets not forget that that was said in reply to the ex saying that they were never to move in together. So the Ex is trying very hard to control the OP's bf.

DrankSangriaInThePark · 23/03/2014 18:14

It's an odd one for sure.

Given that the wife ended it because she had another man. You'd think she wouldn't give a toss what her husband was doing and with whom.

MissFenella · 23/03/2014 18:17

Dh's ex was far too bothered with our lives. We managed by keeping away from her and her family and just getting on with our life together.

You need a thick skin and to ignore all the nonsense.

Pippilangstrompe · 23/03/2014 18:17

Hearing the "simple" comment in its full context actually makes me wonder more than if she had just said you were simple. The latter would just be a silly insult, but the comment in its context suggest to me that she thinks he is hiding the real person he is. As she was the one who apparently ended it I think that is an odd comment to make unless she really means it. She knows him better than you, so I would take heed if I were you. You don't need to dump him, but meet her and listen to what she has to say and take it seriously. Make sure you aren't caught up in the romance of moving in with a man who you don't really know.

TheAwfulDaughter · 23/03/2014 18:24

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Dahlen · 23/03/2014 18:28

Does it matter whether the STBXW is a woman who won't let go or if the OP's BF is a master manipulator playing off two women against the other? The point is, OP, that these two have to have a relationship because they have children. At the moment, it is not a relationship that is going to give yours any chance of succeeding. He is not ready to be in a committed relationship because there is no line drawn under his marriage.