Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Support for Spook

480 replies

Janstar · 15/03/2004 09:34

Continuing from the 'help' thread....

How are you today, Spook?

OP posts:
dottee · 19/04/2004 23:02

After we split, I joined this self help group called 'Dignity' (don't think it exists now) which was a support group for people who had been left behind by partners/spouses.

The founder persuaded me to do some publicity work so I ended up putting 'my story' in 'Womans Own' (got £50 for it) and 'Now' (skinny sods didn't give me anything).

He went balistic!!!!

spook · 20/04/2004 07:13

What a fantastic thing to do Dottee.Think I would pay them.I suppose you had to change names for legal reasons-sure I could drop some heavy enough hints.He doesn't work with that many second rate 24 year old bad skinned catalogue models who suffer from depresion and still live with their mummy.

Janstar · 20/04/2004 08:32

Hi Spook. I think you really must go back to your solicitor. If h is selling off £7000 shares without consulting you, what else is he up to? Will you only be told when you have to be, cos a signature is needed? God knows what he is doing where you don't need to be told.

Please go back to your solicitor.

OP posts:
spook · 20/04/2004 13:06

We have had a long conversation this morning and decided to call it a day.No surprise to you all I suppose.If he was ever going to come back he would have come back by now.We were going nowwhere fast and it's time to draw a line under it.He was crying but that means nothing does it.
He can't make a go of things and I have to finally accept this instead of clutching at tiny straws and living in limbo.
At least a line has now been drawn and I can move on but my heart is broken into so many pieces.I cannot comprehend how he wouldn't even give it a try-we did love each other so much and we have two beautiful children together.I don't understand how it all crumbled and I never never will.I also don't understand how I can love someone so much who has done this to me.I pray for the day when I don't.

dottee · 20/04/2004 13:31

It was his mum that discovered my story in 'Now'. It was in the first edition and they'd put it at a trial price so quite a lot of people would have had the same idea at buying it at a lower price out of curiousity.

To this day he has no idea I was in 'Woman's Own' too. They used my real name and I had two photo shoots. The W.O. article was on how I was bouncing back and they asked me to wear something bright. The photographer did the shoot in the back garden.

Same for 'Now' but that photographer must have done over 100 takes (in the house, garden, surrounding area).

Now the dust has settled, I sometimes wonder whether it was a good idea to do it but it was great for my morale at the time. I still have both copies.

A strange thing happened on Sunday. My ex and I were sorting bags out on the changeover and we accidently touched hands. I immediately pulled mine away. It made me realise the truth about mourning a loss of what we both had rather than loosing the person himself. I sometimes wonder what might have been if we'd had stayed together although going off what happened on Sunday, I'm no longer attracted to the man himself.

They're coming up to their eighth wedding anniversary and I don't think things are as good as what they have been. He told me the week before last about them all going on a steam train journey that day and they'd been playing 'I spy'. Ex said 'something being with c' and my ds said 'cycle path'. She replied, 'that begins with p' to which everyone exclaimed 'what?' She'd obviously misheard and thought of 'Psychopath'. Ex then turned to ds and said, 'that's how my wife's mind works!'

dottee · 20/04/2004 13:38

p.s. Spook - I'm glad and sad that today has happened. It is a sad day when a decision like this is reached (you think of what could have been) but I'm glad you've got it over with.

Please look after yourself, your boys and your security. Remember, the gospel according to Janstar - she's absolutely bang on again.

Blu · 20/04/2004 13:43

Oh Spook, so sorry - but anythng is better than the cruelty and confusion he has dished out so far. I honestly think that the quicker you sort things out legally and financially, the better: grab your entitlement of assets before he sinks them all into potential debt. And have a whole rainbow of Agas!

Clayhead · 20/04/2004 14:17

spook, so sorry that you're upset, I can't imagine how desolate you must feel. Hopefully you can start to rebuild now.

Janstar is so right.

xxx

merrygoround · 20/04/2004 23:04

Have sat here trying to think of something helpful, but I just don't know what to say except I hope you are OK. How sad, and how painful for you. Take good care of your self and be proud of how you have survived so far. A big hug.

Blu · 22/04/2004 11:55

Are you around Spook?

Sonnet · 22/04/2004 12:08

Hi spook,
How are you feeling today
How are the boys?
Thinking of you
Sonnet x

Janstar · 22/04/2004 21:53

Hi Spook. I know you are feeling really down at the moment and may not feel like posting. Just wanted to mention that I am thinking of you lots. xxxx

OP posts:
Beccarollover · 22/04/2004 22:03

Ditto
B xxx

spook · 23/04/2004 07:09

Hi everyone.I am here.Just haven't really got much to say I suppose.Just trying to get through the day as best I can.Thanks for thinking about me. XXXX

sykes · 23/04/2004 09:06

Hi,Spook, hope today is okay. Thinking of you.

Bugsy2 · 23/04/2004 10:28

Dearest Spook, just read that it is all over. I'm sorry you weren't able to work it out with him as I know that is what you were hoping you may be able to do. However, this man is treating you so badly and you deserve better.
If it is any consolation to you, look at me and Sykes. We went through all the crap you are going through last year and we are still here and even having a good time.
I know that at the moment you can't believe that life will ever be good again, but I promise you it will.
Huge hugs to you.

Janstar · 23/04/2004 18:26

still here spook. lots of love xxx

OP posts:
spook · 24/04/2004 13:02

Hi everyone.Don't really feel alive at the moment.Just walking around like a zombie trying to take care of the boys.

numb · 24/04/2004 13:06

hi spook i am exactly the same today xxxx

spook · 24/04/2004 13:14

Weekends are hard numb.I also have to contend with the fact that he is sat on a plane with her right now after a night in London. They were "working" so weren't alone-but they managed to find a way before so why not now when everybody knows anyway.Hotel rooms are their thing aren't they. He hasn't been in touch for 2 days.Why would he be remotely interested in the welfare of his children when he's got her to cuddle up to.

numb · 25/04/2004 12:23

spook, i prayed for us both this morning, for them to realise what they have done and be so sorry or for us to get over this as quick as possible so that our pain can stop. i really don't think i can cry many more tears. i just want it all to stop.

spook · 25/04/2004 12:52

Oh Numb.Sweetheart.It WILL get easier I promise you. We are grieving and there is nothing but time which helps the grieving process. Look at me in January and look at me now.
PLEASE hang on in there.Look at what Sykes and Bugsy2 have been through and look at them now.Sumer is coming-wake up each morning and feel the sun on your face.
I am thinking of you. XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Beccarollover · 25/04/2004 13:48

Hugs to both of you - your doing so well

Becca
xxx

Earlybird · 25/04/2004 14:09

Spook - haven't been posting, but have checked this thread most every day for updates. You're doing SO well. Continue to take it a day at a time, and it WILL gradually get better. I remember realising one day that FINALLY it didn't hurt so much. It was a huge relief to know that I was no longer thinking of him most every moment. Was surprised when I thought "I had a nice morning, and didn't feel bad for 3 whole hours!" It will happen for you too, and those peaceful times will happen more often and will last longer - maybe it's already starting. You're doing well, and you'll soon realise you're having a life of your own without him - and that it can be a good life.

motherinferior · 25/04/2004 19:19

xxxxxxxxxx