Trip to Ibiza with the lads ffs

[Bolloctothat72]

Yes I know, let him go don't be controlling, nothing wrong with it trust him blah blah blah. My bf is 45 trying to arrange a lads holiday while the World Cup is on, clubbing drinking whatever. I didn't particularly like this when I was in my 20s but I shut up and put up for the sake of the relationship. I now I'm divorced met someone else only a year but there's always texts amongst these lads about various trips, pre stag dos here, actual stag dos there. Now flipin Ibiza I can't cope with it. I want a man , not a lad reliving his youth that won't commit. I'm fine with lads nights out weekends away even with the lads, well don't particularly like them but I'll put up with it if it makes him happy, but what about my feelings. Am I allowed to not like it none of my friends husbands/partners do this why bloody me

Serious question boloc. Is it because it is Ibiza that's the problem?

DH is going away to a classic car thing for a long weekend and having a week somewhere or another ( can't remember where) with F1. ( just know it's bloody expensive!) would that kind of thing be ok?

Does it matter? It's her relationship, not yours.

Funny Bertie , do u know I don't really know why I don't like it I just don't. I understand we all need time with our mates and a night out is normal and of course I don't mind that, I do that myself and I do actually trust him.trips abroad willy nilly I hate I can't put into words why but it upsets me, if it's a one off like a stag trip I would just grit my teeth and kiss him at the door but any excuse I can't and won't put up with it that's the bottom line I know whether it's wrong or right to feel like that it won't make me happy end of !

Aw. I know what you mean. Some things do my head in but this isn't one of them. Me and (very) long term DP go away as often as we can and with friends separately... we always prioritize booking and paying for our holidays as a couple though obvs.

When he goes away I love it! And that's not me trying to be a 'cool girlfiend' or him being a 'manchild' If they're acting like morons I'm just glad I'm not there to be embarrassed by them haha.

But if you've had a bad experience with your XH with trips away I can totally understand why this has hit a nerve. Have you explained this to your DP. Not saying he'll cancel all his plans but maybe he can be more sensitive to your feelings by not rubbing it in and maybe sitting out of the occasional trip if it all starts getting a bit expensive and eating in to your holiday budget/time as a couple.

OP, I think it sounds like you want him to be something he's not tbh.

I wouldn't like it either. The odd night would be ok but your are saying it is any excuse to go away with the lads. I think you would be better off with someone a bit more grown up.

It's not just the trip though is it ?

It's about being in a relationship with the kind of person that does "lad's trips to Ibiza in your 40's"

You think it is ok, or you don't. If you don't, I am not sure there is any compromise. Unless you compromise your own values, which is never to be recommended.

Yes, it's true I was stereotyping a bit. It's the Ibiza mention plus in the OP she says he organises the trips to go drinking, clubbing, whatever. So if the whole point of the trip is lads + drinking (as opposed to a car show or what have you) I do assume it gets a bit silly.

Nothing against partying, I was a complete party girl for ages, I just think the whole setup of lads going abroad to get shit-faced gets sad after a certain point.

From what the OP is saying I don't think her bf is the one for her. ( of course I don't know, but it just sounds like they are wanting different things)

He s enjoying himself partying with mates having trips away, nowt wrong with that. OP sounds like she wants to be settled and doing the two's company bit, again nothing wrong with that. But the OP and Bf together don't sound like a long berm recipe for success, no tater how much fun they have when together. You can have great times with lots of people, doesn't mean they are the right one for you long term.

I think you've nailed it flipchart

OP it's easy to get trapped in an internal debate of whether he's right or you are, whether you're normal or not to feel this way, but the bottom line is whether or not you're compatible, and it doesn't sound like it really.

Yep, agree with that.

All I can say is there's nowt wrong with a trip to Ibiza in your 40s, loads of older people go there and yes, party!

Obviously you are talking about your partner doing this a lot and you not liking it, you're entitled to not like it.

I wish I did understand why it's a problem, I wish I could flick a switch and it not bother me and be like the person that posted they always do it and works for them, oh I wish, but one thing I've learnt is if something bothers you it won't go away. I'm getting on now at 41 but I know I could find someone else, but what will be wrong with them, will it be different guy different shit or is that perfect someone out there for me. This guy does love me I'm sure of that and off his own back he has turned down stuff because he wanted to be with me, is that a good sign? I think I'm just worried he'll do one trip like this and then they'll be more and more . He's done plenty in this country usually football related but they got less and less but wondering if they'll get more and more in the future

You aren't 'getting on' at 41!

Have you been away with him? Or the kids / your mates recently?

Get something booked. It'll cheer you up regardless of what happens with him and his trip. Why don't you go away at the same time? Beats sitting at home p'd off about it x

Omg I just text him as got so worked up about it. I said can we talk on Wednesday I know your arranging a trip to Ibiza and I don't feel good about it.

His reply ' I won't be going to Ibiza I was just playing lip service to that so don't worry I'd rather be with you see you Wednesday ;-) '

Ohhh !

And another one ' let's book something for us, when we haven't got the kids' . I'm in shock

Hooray! Get that bucket and spade packed and pick up some holiday brochures.

Hang on... if he's not going, is there a space for me on the boys' trip?!

Lesson of the day, OP : talk to him and make it clear where your boundaries lie

Ok two things:

1. Is he actually going away a lot or are you just worried that he will start to? Your last post isn't too clear. You do need to distinguish between things he's actually doing, and things you are just worried about him doing.

1. That said, I don't think it's a matter of different guy, different shit, ie that every guy will have something major you don't like. Yes it can take a long time to find the right guy, I didn't find mine til 36, but when I did, I knew he was the right one because finally I was just really happy with him, and didn't need to convince myself to be okay with anything. As you said, being the cool girlfriend doesn't get you anywhere.

YAY!

OK, enough information - I'm just jealous now.

oops! massive x-post!

sounds good OP

I'll still talk to him about it though you never know he may lessen them then ! Still worried it could change so I will put my cards on the table, but I'm in shock pleasantly !

I would also ask him why he wasn't able to stand up at the time and say he wasn't going. Why play along ? Is he frightened to look different in front of his mates ? That's a bit spineless, isn't it.

Think you might need some sun as well AF

He's prob just totted up how much the trip will cost and has decided he'd rather go away with OP.
Thank god he came to this conclusion himself and wasn't brow-beaten in to it and accused of being a manchild. Phew!