The Dating Thread 71

[TheCrow]

Welcome to all daters :)

Just had the nicest text,
Hope your ok sexy my dad just asked why the gf not with us today told him coz I'm stupid and didn't ask her ie you blondie

Aw that's sweet, jesy!

I'm really happy at the mo - so many lovely potentials. Mr local has been superseded slightly by Mr tallandfit (who, after a chat about broken hearts last night, I'll rename Mr jaded). He's lovely so far. Still like mrlocal though. Waiting for date offer, but I'm not rowing the boat - the men will come to me!

I am very fussy with men and normally struggle to find one I like. I have about 5 really gorgeous, clever, tall men I am chatting to and like!
Hot Policeman is now my Facebook friend and mr jaded messaged me last thing last night and first thing this morning. He really is so beautiful looking I don't care about the odd spelling mistake!

Think I am seriously falling for him but keep holding myself back. I worry because I don't have much relationship experience and he has an ex wife and child that he sees a lot. It isn't something I have dealt with before and I worry that I will make a mess of it all. Never felt this strongly about anyone.

I agree on match, louby. Never got dates from there.

I'm sure it'll be ok, oldfashioned - he sounds lovely. Sensible to hold back a little though - I felt like that about geeky and it didn't work. But most men are not like him (I hope!)

Dontcall may have got herself a date with the v gorgeous Mr Jaded!

don't ooo tell us more! Off to drop my son off at his dads then driving over to postie#1 house to pick him up. We're going out for lunch. My friends has insisted I give her his address and name and I have strict instructions to text when I arrive and leave.

I don't think he's dodgy though, seems pretty genuine so we shall see.

Eeek bit nervous today!

don't He really does seem lovely. Not perfect enough to seem like an act but just lovely. He isn't holding back though.

Ooooooh date with a gorgeous man!

I met an ex bf from Match Affinity (but he was a bit strange and single at 39/40) so am I one of match's success stories?!

dontcall well done you!

Mrjaded etc sound really nice and its nice to get attention from decent good looking men isn't it?! . I think on Match affinity they're awful the ones on POF at least look normal and not bad looking. From my brief look.

What do forehead kisses mean?

Sorry, not been around much this week. Good to see you're all moving on though!

Jesy That txt is lovely. Sorry if I missed it but where are they? Seems that wherever it is, he wishes you were there .

Dont Oooh, a date, how exciting! Hope he's not too jaded?

OFG Just take it slowly, see how it goes. Fwiw he sounds very genuine.

I've been messaging a few men on POF but there's only one that I'm even vaguely interested in. He works in sales so I'll call him Mr Sales (original, huh?!). He sent a message today asking if I want to meet for a coffee sometime. I'd like to meet him but I've suddenly gone all nervous again, plus I'm still comparing all other men to MCS, usually unfavourably . Time to move on though, isn't it?

Forehead kisses: trying not to appear sleazy maybe?

softkitty It is natural to be nervous before a date I think!

Sola We were sat watching tv and he had his arm around me and just kissed my forehead and pulled me closer. Never had anyone do that before so am probably thinking too deeply about it.

I think forehead kisses mean that he cherishes you and wants you to know he feels deeply about you. It's a way of being intimate without it having to lead to sex. Pretty special if you ask me.

They were at a footie match!
I love the forehead kiss me n Mr IT have been cuddling in bed or on sofa and he'll suddenly kiss my head it's nice to me seems a simple way of more contact.

I hope it does mean that to him. He kept looking at me as if he wanted to say something but didn't. I asked him and he said it would keep and he didn't want to scare me off. Made me wonder what was going on in his head!

Ooh - OFG I think he's got those three little words starting to form in his head. He sounds lovely. Don't get scared - I could be wrong but I hope I'm not. If you're not there yet (and that doesn't mean the two of you aren't meant to be) don't wreck it unless you know for sure you want out. I am the queen of wrecking it so I know what I'm talking about.

before How do I not wreck it?! I really like him but have never felt like this before and it is all a bit new.

Don't bolt like a scared horse (total rejection for him). Don't tell him you don't feel the same UNLESS you know you'll never feel the same (he'll forever have the sense of not being good enough otherwise). Don't lie and tell him you love him if you don't - if you have strong feelings then tell him that and tell him you're catching up but you tend to take things slowly. If you don't want to be with him forever you will know and then you should dump him. Doubts are OK - you're thinking, questioning but not rejecting. You will so know when you're rejecting.

I really am falling for him but maybe he is still that bit ahead of me. I was trying to follow the rules and to not fall too fast as we only met mid February! He has been open and serious right from the start and made it clear that he wasn't looking for someone casual.

Hmm - I'm a bit hard-nosed about 'the rules'. If you're as soft as shite then the rules are good to give you equilibrium. if you've been hurt like fuck then the rules are good to help you sort the wheat from the chaff and if you fall faster than Newton's apple then they give you a breather. At some point though it's about you and him and not you, the rules and him.

If you feel he's genuine and he's what you want you fall for him and you might just be slower than he is (or vice versa) for no sinister reason. From what you've posted he's not 'just' after casual. If you feel he's about to tell you he loves you, you can always put your finger to his lips and go 'sshhh, not yet'. Channel your inner Julia Roberts (I've no idea if she ever did that in a film)... Just don't channel your inner Gwyneth - a politically correct statement about conscious coupling would go down like a lead balloon...

I find that a lot of the men from POF in my area are also on Match.

Hi all

Well some of you may remember that a few weeks ago I saw that the man I am seeing was on POF. We had a chat about it afterwards and he apologised and explained (it was a plausible explanationand I accepted it, but pinned it on my mental noticeboard, you know, just in case...), he said he would close the account; he did, and said he didn't have any other profiles on any other sites and wouldn't do so.

So this weekend we were watching films on the laptop and I saw the name of a site I didn't recognise on his recently closed sites. I got home and just checked it. It was a French dating site. He's going to be in France at the end of next month for a few days. I did a search and couldn't find him, but that doesn't mean anything really... At the very least he was looking, looking for a site to join, considering, window shopping...

So that's it. Last time I was really upset but this time I just feel a quiet sense of relief. I don't have to worry any more about whether he likes me or not, because he doesn't. I don't have to worry about whether he means it when he says he cares about me, because he doesn't. I don't have to smile and say 'thank you' when he says I'm beautiful, because it means nothing.

I'm a bit disappointed to be missing out on the holiday - he's from a really beautiful place, and I met some of hs friends a couple of weeks ago. Apparently, they really liked me and have suggested we all go out again. It's a shame I won't get to see them again.

I'm sure if I let him, he could explain. I'm sure he could reassure me and convince me it was idle curiosity... Last time, there was an explanation, but he also promised it wouldn't happen again. So whatever it is, however far it's gone, whatever his intentions are, he's lied to me and done something he knows is a dealbreaker for me. But I'm worth more than this. And even if I'm not, I want to be worth more than this and so, for that reason, I'm out.

I hope others are having more luck than me!!

The only thing I'm not sure about now is how to handle it. We've been seeing each other since the beginning of November - so nearly 5 months.

My options are:

1. To just block him from everything so that he can't contact me, but that would make me look a bit of a bitch, and could make me look a bit unhinged, especially as he won't have a clue why I've done it. And I want him to know. And I want to retain the moral high ground on this one.

2. I'm not angry, so I wouldn't say anything I'd regret. So I might just tell him what I've seen, say that we clearly want different things and so I'm ending it.

3. Let him know that he's hurt me/behaved inappropriately, but in an unemotional way. And with it clear that there is no way back. Because there wouldn't be now. I don't trust easily anyway. There's no way I'd ever trust him again after this.

I don't think he's a 'bastard'. As you will all know, there weren't any other red flags. He treats me really well when we're together. I think he's just compartmentalising this and because we only see each other fortnightly, I think he's just 'filling in the time inbetween' (he was taking me overseas to meet his mum and stay with her for the week, I've met some of his oldest and closest friends with plans to meet more when we were on holiday - he'd have to be pretty fucking good to be doing all that with lots of women!).

Anyway, I've got a new job that's starting in a few weeks time. I'm going to concentrate on my children, my home, my friends and my job. I think it might be time for me to leave the dating thread for good and find that thread that someone started a couple of weeks ago for all the people who've decided against relationships in the future!