Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Wwyd - dp looking at beautiful women

266 replies

boomoohoo · 05/03/2014 16:32

By beautiful I mean that perfect, unattainable look. Soft porn style.

I am hurt and upset, and disappointed. He doesn't get it at all, and thinks him looking at them does not detract how he feels about me.

How would u feel?

I didn't think he was like this - I'm a feminist and thought he was too.

OP posts:
EverythingCounts · 06/03/2014 20:21

rainbow, don't see why you are so determined to keep telling the OP this is 'a very small unimportant issue'. Is she not allowed her own feelings? She has stated them.

OP, is this a joint tenancy? I ask because he is stonewalling all your attempts to talk this out or to step away from the relationship, which really is not fair of him. He is basically saying, 'I won't talk about it, nor will I go somewhere else to give you some space, because then basically you will just have to give in and put up with it'. I think that merits you pointing out that he is not offering you any compromises here. Which of you lived in the place first, or did you move in together?

beachside · 06/03/2014 20:22

OP - your stance is getting more confrontational.

Just because he calls it art, it infuriates you.... you are being extremely controlling, looking at flats to move out, admitting your insecurity is an issue.

Face it, the problem lies with you.

And because he isn't bending to your demands, you are threatening to leave. You might well be doing him favour.

AnyFucker · 06/03/2014 20:23

I never said he should have his marching orders

I haven't told OP to do anything

I have repeatedly said "your relationship, your choice"

rainbow, you are the one giving OP "orders"

rainbowsmiles · 06/03/2014 20:24

For the same reason you seem determined to encourage her to blow it up out of all proportion.

Fairenuff · 06/03/2014 20:26

For the record, there are also lots of lovely men who don't do this OP.

AnyFucker · 06/03/2014 20:26

"your relationship, your choice"

what about that statement do you not understand ?

rainbowsmiles · 06/03/2014 20:31

Anyfucker you don't intimidate me. I find you quite a funny character actually.

Lweji · 06/03/2014 20:32

How useful do you think this exchange is to the OP? Hmm

rainbowsmiles · 06/03/2014 20:32

Funny peculiar that would be.

AnyFucker · 06/03/2014 20:34

I don't care what you think, rainbow. I am supporting the OP. Could you say the same ?

Fairenuff · 06/03/2014 20:38

I think it's extremely helpful to the OP to know that she does not have to shut up and put up with behaviour that makes her feel unhappy.

Being ridiculed for how she feels is the last thing OP needs right now. She needs to be able to talk about this, explain how she feels and what she thinks she might want to do about it.

OP so far your dp has left you no options. It's either put up with it or leave. Sorry that you are facing this right now but he may change his reasoning once he understands how much it matters to you.

I don't think ignoring him will do it though, you are going to have to get him to talk with you about it.

rainbowsmiles · 06/03/2014 20:40

Oh af do you ever hear yourself?? Really....Just give it a rest....

RosaParksIsBack · 06/03/2014 20:50

rainbow - This seems very important to you, to belittle the op and tell her how she feels is 'silly'. I take it your partner also looks at 'soft' or otherwise porn and you don't like it either, but as he won't stop you need to show how 'down with the lads you are' and 'ok with it, boys will be boys after all'.

I don't think you realise quite how much you are giving away in your responses Sad

AnyFucker · 06/03/2014 20:59

To be so invested in trying to shame another woman into blurring her own boundaries is very telling, that is for sure

rainbowsmiles · 06/03/2014 21:03

Oh brother....Really??? Yeah I just wanna be one of those girls all the boys like so I just pretend... Yeah that's me...

I am really really sorry you guys but lots of good nice men like looking at nice attractive nekid ladies. And some not so attractive ladies. You can be mad or sad about that all you like it just is.

My husband probably likes a bit of porn here and there. I am not his keeper. If he were sitting in the front room with his hands down his pants I might be upset but he doesn't and I don't know or feel it's my business what his mind and imagination gets up to.

You don't like nakedness in soft lighting...cool...I do. I like the naked form both men and women. It looks beautiful. I think its a great thing the naked body. So does the OPs boyfriend. So what????

WhateverTrevor83 · 06/03/2014 21:04

I support OP in that this bloke is refusing to communicate.

I still don't think this is porn though. It's not art though either.

C'mon now Rainbow and AF - have a Cake and play nice!

AnyFucker · 06/03/2014 21:05

She started it, miss Trev !

WhateverTrevor83 · 06/03/2014 21:09
Grin
Fairenuff · 06/03/2014 21:10

I am really really sorry you guys but lots of good nice men like looking at nice attractive nekid ladies

Why are you sorry, I thought you were ok with this? Confused

Luckily there are plenty of good nice women who are happy to be with men who like looking at porn.

And also luckily, there are plenty of good nice men who don't do this so they can be with the women who prefer their partners not to look at porn.

Everyone's a winner Smile

Unless you're mismatched like OP, in which case it's pretty miserable.

Blanche65 · 06/03/2014 21:13

I have been reading about your plight which has prompted me to ask if im being a fool as my husband only makes love to me after watching such material

AnyFucker · 06/03/2014 21:16

I would say your husband is the fool, Blanche Sad

and also an inadequate lover

WhateverTrevor83 · 06/03/2014 21:23

Oh Jesus Blanche, you better have a cake too Cake

forumdonkey · 06/03/2014 21:24

Blanche do you mind your DH watching porn?

Blanche65 · 06/03/2014 21:26

Thank you for your support but in his defence when he has been looking at that kind of material he makes me feel special in bed and in a way I do love that feeling

WhateverTrevor83 · 06/03/2014 21:27

OP can I ask what the site was and what the photo was?

If it was a naked woman - porn
If it was a woman in a bikini or a revealing outfit - not porn

I'm confused. If it was just a woman in a sexy pose etc he wouldn't - none of us wouldn't - be able to turn the telly on or open a magazine without seeing porn.

It's the fact he wouldn't discuss it with you which has really upset you I think which I understand. But if he had have talked and said he liked looking at these pictures and wasn't prepared to stop - what then?