Wwyd - dp looking at beautiful women

[boomoohoo]

By beautiful I mean that perfect, unattainable look. Soft porn style.

I am hurt and upset, and disappointed. He doesn't get it at all, and thinks him looking at them does not detract how he feels about me.

How would u feel?

I didn't think he was like this - I'm a feminist and thought he was too.

You said at first it was about your insecurity. I think you're saying now that it's his response because you know that sounds more acceptable. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh.

your relationship, your boundaries, your choice

Don't let anyone tell you different

We all find other people attractive that is healthy and normal. But googling other women in their knickers looking all lusty us bound to hit a nerve when the dw finds out.
It is a little disrespectful and I would feel put out and hurt. There is do much pressure on women to look good and it is v difficult to step back and think 'who cares'.

Our own insecurities are bound to be provoked if dh seem to adopt that stance it is all about appearance.

I'm so so angry.. How should I play it when he gets home and this evening? Ignore him? Try and talk again?

All I want to do is look at flats to get away from him. (He has said he won't leave as his name on tenancy)

I think you should look at flats with a view to moving out and getting on with your life.

He has told you that he doesn't want to separate but he has also told that he won't stop looking at these pictures. He therefore expects you to just put up with it.

If you go along with this, it will just reinforce in his own mind that he was right and you were making a big fuss over nothing.

It might be nothing to him. It might be nothing to others. But it is a really big deal for you OP. So I would say let your actions back up your words.

If he is prepared to lose you over this, then it is a big deal to him isn't it. His right to google women to drool over is so important that he would let you walk away from the relationship.

Take action and see how he reacts, that is the way to find out what you mean to him.

WTF!!!! Seriously.....What kind of control freakery is this. You get to tell your partner what photos they are allowed to look at. What???? So if he arbitrarily decided that something she liked looking at offended him she should comply.

RUN OPs boyfriend, run for freedom.

You know what? I couldn't do it. I couldn't stay. People rationalize this sht like "Oh men are visual creatures"... "All guys do this. It's normal". Ok, maybe, but it's disrespectful. He shouldn't flaunt it. If he does this, then at least least delete the history. I do think guys look at porn... soft, hardcore, whatever. But I think the average guy probably does this only occasionally and usually, a guy who is happy in a relationship, busy with work, and living an enjoyable life doesn't devote a whole lot of time- if any- to porn.
Oh and 'art' my a. Please. It's like saying to you, "You're no oil painting love. But these chicks right here, the ones I want to have a titty fck with are all the Monets in the National Gallery." And I love how guys try to put the guilt on us, like we're the ones with the problem. Seriously, go and buy a magazine full of massive pricks and six packs. Let's see how unwilling your man is to have a discussion then. Love is meant to make you feel good. I'd plan on cutting this one loose. Sorry to say.

rainbow OP feels differently to you about this, if that's ok with you.

Her feelings are valid. However she feels is valid.

She is not insisting that he change, she is stating what her boundary is and then he needs to make his own decision if he wants to keep looking at porn, or risk losing her.

It's his choice just as much as hers.

What Fairenuff said.

Anyone is entitled to end a relationship, for any reason they want. If the OP is not happy about this, to the point of wanting to get out, then it's her choice to leave.

... It's not porn though.

He's being made out to be a pervert! He isn't.

Who doesn't like looking at attractive people? Doesn't mean we love our partners any less!

I support anyone's right to google whatever they want (within reason - legal etc!) but if you and your DP can't talk about things (anythings) without him telling you to drop it that's the issue, not the porn (that I doubt is actually 'porn').

Hmm. Another MN hot potato!

Yep if OP wants to leave, she should. Of course.

Deelite, well said, that's it exactly, posters insisting this shouldn't bother the OP is just stupid, it's as bad as him insisting she puts up.

As Deelite has said, get the pics of the naked men out, I guarantee you he'd notice and not be too happy to see and yes of course it would bother him, there is no fucken difference.

What he does in his own private time is indeed his business, he can wank all he wants over his perfect women, perving over them in front of you is the no, no. I defy anyone, male or female to not feel uncomfortable about this when it's blatantly done in your face.

It's him saying it's like art and telling OP to shut up/drop it that's the issue though, no?...

Maybe she should look at some naked men! Might be more of a laugh than worrying about what he is looking at...

Yuk. If my insecure controlling partner insisted on discussing this id refuse. What kind of relationships do you people have???

So you're insecure and controlling because you object to your partner sitting next to you ogling semi clad women....

Us people...., erm, one that involves mutual respect I'd like to think.

Rainbowsmiles I have a relationship where my husband would rather stick red hot pokers in his eyes than make me feel let down/unheard/disrespected or inadequate.

If that sounds shit to you love then I feel sorry for you.

Yuk. If my insecure controlling partner insisted on discussing this id refuse.

That's absolutely fine rainbow, it's your choice and you can refuse to discuss it. But you run the risk that your partner won't want to be with you any more.

If you find their behaviour controlling, you probably wouldn't want to be with them either, so the best option all round would be to separate.

Which is why that is an option right now for the OP.

Scenario:

Partner 1: I need to bring something up, it's something you do that bothers me and I'd like us to discuss it.

Partner 2: No, I'm not discussing anything that bothers you about me, end of, there is the door.

Yeah, that sounds really healthy, in fact the Partner refusing sounds the one who is insecure and controlling....

Mass hysteria.

Looking at pictures of naked ladies not a big deal, surely?

Wanting to leave over this? You say he needs to do a better job at reassuring you.

You give him the responsibility for cranking up your low self esteem.

That is never going to work.

But OMG the uproar on this thread!

Hey Fiscal

(whispers)......not everyone stays with men they are not compatible with because they are scared of being alone.

Some people, you know; want more?

Mass hysteria and uproar is the new words for women who disagree with men ogling naked women in front of them, god, I never knew.

Wanting to leave does sound extreme, I'd bet there's more to this.

Turn the tables OP, I dare you, he'll hate it.

Where is the mass hysteria and uproar?

I haven't seen that on this thread, maybe you could point it out Fiscal

Unless you've just led such a sheltered life that you consider a discussion with different opinions to be 'uproar' and several posters agreeing with each other to be 'mass hysteria'?

Ogling really ogling. Looking just looking at pictures.

I wonder if he gets a semi during his picture watching.

Apparently he didn't have a wank..so he says. I'm inclined to believe him as he is generally honest. It is actually neither here nor there if he did, that's not the point for me.

He won't bring it up to talk about (is currently in his shed) should I? Or should we have a couple days not talking?

I don't get the problem I look at Victoria secrets models fhm etc those women look great that's what their paid to do it is just a picture. I think it's more about insecurity about how op feels about their own looks and body we all look at good looking people don't we ?