Work wife?

[Strugglinghere]

I've just been out with my dh for dinner with one of his colleagues and her dh. She tells me she is his 'work wife'. Would this piss you off?

Although Playfellows has expressed it rather more bluntly than I would, I agree basically with their post.

I don't like this whole 'work wife' thing at all. Not because it means there is an affair going on because blatantly in a lot of cases there isn't, I just think it's uneccessary and twee. A 'good friend' surely would be sufficient? It isn't something I'd want to be called I must admit, I don't want to have a 'wife like' role with any colleague. I am slightly anti social though.

Anyway as for OP, I'd not automatically assume an affair but it wouldn't be wise to discount it completely. I think coupled with the cagey behaviour around the phone it does warrant further investigation.

Absolutely what JoinYourPlayfellows said. Cringeworthy.

I think women can be very competitive with each other but thats not often said aloud, is it? You know why you were uncomfortable with it OP, and how it was said to you. FWIW I wouldnt have been impressed at all but knowing me Id have come back with some kind of quip. It sounds like it was the 1st time you'd met her - and yet, she could come out with that kind of comment? I wouldnt want to hear that from a woman Id just met and its nothing to do with jealousy, its the taking the piss aspect. Silly, affected woman, silly phrase, no manners.

I hate the phrase 'work wife'! But that may be because I've only ever seen it used by men who are complete tossers who have weird ideas of gender relations ('Make us a cup of tea, love').

I think it was thoughtless, but not sure that you should be worried at any deeper level that this.

Both 'work wife' and 'work husband' are very common terms and usually neither pejorative nor over-familiar.

If you're uncomfortable about it, it's either because your husband's behaviour has given you cause to reflect, or you're uncomfortable about your own role at home. You said she thinks you're "mumsy" but how do you know what she thinks? Are you sure this isn't what you think about yourself?

Having said all that, it's not a term I personally like and in this office we use 'roomie'.

I've heard the term before but I'm not keen on it. I think the terms 'husband' and 'wife' imply a lot of intimacy, and given what you've said about the way your DH and this woman behave with one another it does sound as though she was trying to mark her territory, or demonstrate a greater degree of intimacy than you share with your DH. TBH, coupled with the hidden phone, I'd be bothered.

JoinYourPlayfellows is right.

& she thinks you're "mumsy?"

The woman's taking the piss. If your DH won't put her in her place then, you do it.

No no no - I would be furious. If she says it again laugh a polite brief laugh and then say more seriously 'never say that about my husband again'.

Just say "I'll send you the dirty underpants to was" or something that emphasises the overfamiliarity of the phrase.

Agree with playfellows

". I would probably sit the other woman down and compare notes as to what we find works the best, draw up new strategies and give her my mobile number in case she needs me to nag him at home about something."

Is your husband not a grown up professional who has presunably been allowed tk get a job? Do you not have your own job to focus on, and sbe hers? Sounds as though you both see the need to flap around the important one.

I really think it depends on the culture within your organisation. There are about a thousand people in our organisation and probably about a quarter are related. (as well as my husband, my dad worked there for many years and my bil briefly). promotion is mainly internal and as it is a great place to work there is a low turn over of staff. As a result the people you work with are ones that you have known for ages. The culture is informal so there is piss taking and nicknames. One of my old line managers is known to everyone in my office as auntie p as she is another colleague's aunt. In this context work husband/wife doesn't raise an eyebrow.

Our organisation works well because of the close working relationships. My work life and home life interact in numerous ways and that's the way I like it. I get to do a stressful job knowing that I have a network of colleagues, both male and female who I can rely on to support me (and nag me when I need it.)

Above all, my relationships with my colleagues is based on the fact that we are equal. I am not demeaned by being called a work wife, nor am I doing the sisterhood a disfavour. I have a very good job that is strategically critical and am being developed for a director role. As well as this I have been asked to mentor junior members of staff, particularly female ones due to my experience. I've been talking to dh about this thread and he thinks the idea that I am subservient or running round after a bloke is very funny. He also said that J wouldn't last 5 minutes married to me for real .

I've written this massive post not to justify the term (I tend not to use it irl, preferring to call him my partner in crime) but to hopefully reassure to OP that it isn't necessarily a sign of anything bad. Of course neither does it guarantee that everything is innocent, I'm not daft or naive enough to suggest that.

Idont mind the tetm so much as the comnents about little women organising him and wsdhing socks ( not yours)

Your comme ts I mean. No opinion on your socks :o

I jokily refer to one of DP's favoured female work chums in this sort of way (and he does the same to me - I have a couple of male chums at work) But - no way would I refer to myself as such to their wives! I've nothing to hide or be ashamed of, but I wouldn't want to make them feel remotely uncomfortable.

I've got a Work Mum ... she's great when I need advice or a shoulder to cry on. Never had a work wife/husband but it's a common term so I wouldn't think anything more of it.

Is it common? Dont think id ever heard it before this thread

My adult daughter says she has a work mother (who is about my age). We joke about it, whether she loves her more etc.. which of course she doesn't.