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Original poster

Work wife?

193 replies

Strugglinghere · 02/03/2014 00:29

I've just been out with my dh for dinner with one of his colleagues and her dh. She tells me she is his 'work wife'. Would this piss you off?

OP posts:
Hedgehead · 02/03/2014 14:33

I have a friend who refers to herself as her business partner's "work wife" to all their mutual friends AND his wife. Everyone who works at the business (including me) tolerates/humours her in this delusion. It is seen as a little pathetic, but not at all threatening.

She is the same with me. She refers to herself as my "work mother." She needs these attachments to people in order to define herself.

FabBakerGirl · 02/03/2014 14:33

If it is the first time you have met her it does seem a bit out of order. Or maybe they are shagging and she is trying to force the issue. Id be getting a look at his phone.

spookyskeleton · 02/03/2014 14:51

A newish colleague who wasn't aware of our 'relationship' witnessed us one day and commented on how I talked to him like he was my husband. I did also buy him a cake on his birthday this year (only because I was going to his workplace for a meeting with him). We sign emails to each other with 'xx' as long as they are just between ourselves (not because I am trying to hide anything - it is just not professional!)

I know it sounds 'dodgy' but it really isn't. We have worked together (he is a department manager and I am in a support function that directly supports him) for 12 years now but never socialise out of work. Early on, yes there was a frisson between us and I remember one occasion where we were maybe heading for 'something' until we got interrupted but that was 10 years ago and we really are just platonic work colleagues now who get on well.

TheBeautifulVisit · 02/03/2014 14:55

Send her his dirty pants.

TheBeautifulVisit · 02/03/2014 15:02

I'd have had to ask her to define her terms: what IS a work wife? does it involve sex or domestic shit? I suspect it's someone who does domestic stuff for him in the office, which is wrong on many levels it of course. But sad not creepy.

TheBeautifulVisit · 02/03/2014 15:09

This thread is so depressing. No wonder women lag men in the workplace. Women are apparently too busy tending to he needs of their male colleagues "I'll pop out to Boots and get you some Vicks, Balcolm" instead of tending o their own needs.

Bubblegoose · 02/03/2014 15:25

How weird, have never heard this term before. It sounds like what happens when you're in prison for a long time.

TwittyMcTwitterson · 02/03/2014 15:33

Trust your guy

But...

I've never seen it be used when the people are actually having sex etc.

I think I have three work husbands. I've told my DP. He wasn't too impressed. I wouldn't be impressed if a woman told me she was DPs work wife unless she was fatter and uglier than me though. The fact she said it means it's probably all very innocent Grin

spiffysquiffyspiggy · 02/03/2014 15:35

I can quite comfortably say that I do not do any running round after my "work husband". Technically I am senior to him (although neither of us see it that way) and his organisational skills are way better than mine so if anyone were doing the running round it would be him.

Someone previously said that to them it meant working as a team and having someone to moan at which is exactly what I feel. The terms husband and wife do not to me denote that one person is subservient, they denote team work and feeling that someone has your back.

aylesburyduck · 02/03/2014 15:48

I was a work wife for a previous boss. Our relationship was (and remains) platonic but we both considered each other to be friends as well as colleagues.

FWIW my current boss refers to herself as work mum!

HMG83 · 02/03/2014 16:47

TheBeautifulVisit Hmm I'm actually more senior and certainly not lagging behind other men. It's OK to be nice at work and not come across as a poor meek female.

HMG83 · 02/03/2014 16:49

lagging behind the* men, not "other".

herecomesthsun · 02/03/2014 16:55

I am a WOHM. If a colleague told my DH they were my "work husband" I fear that DH might lamp him.

TheBeautifulVisit · 02/03/2014 16:58

HMG83 - But why not just call your colleagues your work friends then?

serin · 02/03/2014 17:00

I have never heard this term before.

Don't like it.

Thank goodness I don't work in an office!

livingzuid · 02/03/2014 17:00

No, quite a common expression here. An old colleague used to refer to herself as her boss' work wife - she was his PA. It's a term representing a close working relationship not anything sinister.

TheBeautifulVisit · 02/03/2014 17:01

HMG83 -You said you nagged and mothered your colleague. In my book that isn't necessarily nice. I would find it inappropriate and hectoring, especially if you're his boss.

mashpot · 02/03/2014 17:02

I have a work husband. Again it came from someone commenting that we were like an old married couple bickering in the office. Is entirely innocent I can assure you. In my case.

NewtRipley · 02/03/2014 17:05

I'd be pissed off. It's a territory-marking term, and if she was trying to get chummy with you by joking, I'd say she misjudged.

NewtRipley · 02/03/2014 17:06

Mashpot.

Would you say it to his partner, if you hardly knew her?

Shallishanti · 02/03/2014 17:08

I am gobsmacked reading this thread! Does this really go on? I have never ever heard of such a thing, even second hand. I kind of get it with paramedics, as they spend a lot of time isolated together and need to rely on each other etc .... but in an office?

trixymalixy · 02/03/2014 17:09

Quite common terminology, a colleague referred to her boss as her work husband where I worked about 6 years ago. They were good friends outside of work and socialised a lot with their respective partners. All completely innocent.

I have someone I have referred to as my work husband. She is my best mate at work, but has a nickname more commonly a man's name. DH can't get to grips with the fact that she is female when I talk about her despite having met her.

NewtRipley · 02/03/2014 17:10

Mashpot

Sorry, that came out more confrontational than I intended -interested to know if you would, though.

HMG83 · 02/03/2014 17:12

Because with this one particular colleague, we're more than just work friends. We've known each other for years and worked in the same companies over the years and yes, we socialise outside of work.

It's a friendship that crosses more boundaries than usual work friendships. If that makes sense? But not those boundaries boak!

When I said I nag I didn't mean it in a nasty, irritating way but in a way that only a good friend could get away with. It's a very balanced relationship and it works very well in our extremely pressured environment.

I'd never be the same with other colleagues because there just isn't the same history there.

RedFocus · 02/03/2014 17:40

Hehe I would ask if she's going to wash his work clothes and provide him with a packed lunch?
My dh has a work husband because he doesn't work with any women. I constantly tease him about it. Wink