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Original poster

Work wife?

193 replies

Strugglinghere · 02/03/2014 00:29

I've just been out with my dh for dinner with one of his colleagues and her dh. She tells me she is his 'work wife'. Would this piss you off?

OP posts:
Original poster
Strugglinghere · 02/03/2014 09:18

Thanks for all your responses, I've woken up with a fuzzy head but still a bit annoyed...the context is that they've worked together for around 7 years, she's his 2nd in dept. They've always had a close relationship, going out drinking (with others though) and texting a lot. Dh and I have been together since our late teens and have two dc. Happy 99% of the time as any other couple I guess. Though he does guard his phone closely. Dh is charming and a slight flirt but I don't think it would ever lead anywhere.
We don't often socialise with her and her dh but had dinner last night, we'd had a few drinks and when she said it, it did feel like she was marking her territory! No-one reacted, we just kind of carried on talking...but afterwards I thought it was odd and I can't imagine saying that to someone. I think she sees me as a boring mumsy wife.
I spoke to dh about it when we got home and he agreed it was a stupid thing to say but reckoned she was just drunk, which is probably the case.

OP posts:
headlesslambrini · 02/03/2014 09:19

nope wouldn't bother me at all, I would take this as a female colleague which nags DH as much as me. I would probably sit the other woman down and compare notes as to what we find works the best, draw up new strategies and give her my mobile number in case she needs me to nag him at home about something.

Don't ruin a night out or a potential new friendship by reading more into it than what there probably is.

MuttonCadet · 02/03/2014 09:20

It's used regularly in the companies I have worked for, and really doesn't mean anything sexual.
I expect that she was trying to bond with you (in a very rubbish manner).
Enjoy you Sunday! Smile

spiffysquiffyspiggy · 02/03/2014 09:34

Fairly common term in my office. I work away a lot and have been called someone's London work wife (he has another in his home office plus his actual proper wife). he can't be my work husband though as I already work with my actual husband so he is my London husband.Grin

We are good friends, spend a lot of time together and work well as a team, often supporting each others work and doing jobs that the other one dislikes as a favour. and going out and getting drunk together

I lived with dh for 3 months before anyone knew we were am item so if I was having a torrid affair I wouldn't be using terms like work husband about them Grin

IfNotNowThenWhen · 02/03/2014 09:34

I have a work wife. She's a woman (as am I!)
Off the point a bit, but why does your husband "guard his phone?"
From whom? And in what way? Do you mean he takes it in the shower with him, or that he won't let the kids play games on it?

LordPalmerston · 02/03/2014 09:35

ooh they are teachers!

Original poster
Strugglinghere · 02/03/2014 09:43

What difference does that make LordP?

OP posts:
LordPalmerston · 02/03/2014 10:39

I don't know. I'll think

spookyskeleton · 02/03/2014 11:16

NCIS in my experience of your environment, it can often be sexual Wink I am sure the number of broken marriages/affairs in the ambulance service is way above average co-workers!

Cringechilli · 02/03/2014 11:19

My husband had a "work wife".

Unfortunately he was indeed shagging her. Sad

hamptoncourt · 02/03/2014 11:22

I have heard the term three times.

Case 1. The man was gay so innocent.
Case 2. Both straight but completely innocent.
Case 3. They were shagging and the man left his wife for the "workwife."

I would say trust your gut.

EBearhug · 02/03/2014 11:53

Having read the rest of the thread - it's not a term I'd heard before, so maybe it depends on the sort of work you do.

Given how some of my male colleagues talk about their wives, I would be deeply unimpressed if any of them started calling me a workwife, but I guess it's unlikely, as I don't really work closely with any single person - depends on the work that's currently going on, and we change partnerships for different projects and so on.

Clouddancer · 02/03/2014 13:06

I think it is an awful term, for everything it says about being a wife as much as anyone else.

My separated husband has a female colleague he worked closely with, spoke a lot on the phone to etc., they both travelled to meetings, she brought him a cake on his birthday. The funny thing is, she was my friend/colleague about 15 years ago; whereas over time she clearly became entwined with him, they moved on professionally together and I was at home with dc.

I became uncomfortable with it, not because I suspect anything improper, but because it was a triangulation which undermined me professionally and personally, but there was nothing I could say without sounding unreasonable. It was not helped by the fact that she told me another male colleague we all know had said they ought to get together. Why would you say that?

ItIsAnIdeasGame · 02/03/2014 13:37

12 years ago i was a work wife. Reader, we were in love with each other, so I left after what was a short emotional affair.

My spidey sense would be ringing.

Clouddancer · 02/03/2014 13:56

Ideas, yes, this is basically what I wondered in the situation I described.

JohnFarleysRuskin · 02/03/2014 14:04

I wouldn't like it. Do they call the people they manage work children? Or their bosses work mum or work dad?

Nomama · 02/03/2014 14:05

I have a work husband - referred to as Husband Number 2. In the scheme of things I think I am his Wife Number 3 or 4.

He is the person I go to when I need a moan about something work related. I am the person he comes to when he has a moan about his department.

We go to concerts together, once a year or so (both OHs can't stand our guilty pleasure music - and only the 2 of us have ever met, no OH contact at all - though his 16 year old son said both he and his mum were grateful not to have to go to yet another gig). But that is the extent of our relationship - moaning and music Smile

JohnFarleysRuskin · 02/03/2014 14:08

Isn't he just 'acolleague', ''a friend' or 'someone you get on with?'

HMG83 · 02/03/2014 14:20

One of my colleagues wife calls me her husbands "work wife". We're like brother and sister, nothing sinister there at all.

I remind him and nag him in the absence of his lovely wife :) and mother him if he's ill and being a martyr about it.

I've heard other colleagues use the same and there's never been any doubt about anything else going on.

It's the hidden, secret friendships that you should be very wary of.

Logg1e · 02/03/2014 14:24

I think it's twee. "Colleague" just about covers it.

scottishmummy · 02/03/2014 14:25

Wouldn't piss me off,I think it was a bit wet boak though

stella69x · 02/03/2014 14:30

Is it not meant in the same way slebs say tv wife?

JohnFarleysRuskin · 02/03/2014 14:30

I guess it's just a term people would use to add a little frisson to an otherwise mundane job.

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone · 02/03/2014 14:31
  1. Trust your gut
  2. Why is he guarding his phone??
  3. Trust your gut
Chewbecca · 02/03/2014 14:33

I've worked for my manager for 7 years now and we know each other very well work-wise, I can finish his sentences for him, that kind of thing. Someone in the office this week said we were bickering like an old married couple.

There is absolutely nothing whatsoever for his wife to be jealous of. I hardly know him from a non-work perspective and I don't think either of us wish to, we just have worked closely (and well) together for a long period.