Masturbation etiquette - AIBU?

[WeaselLulu]

I don't know whether IABU or whether to broach any of this with DP.

What I want to say is:
Dear DH,

I know that masturbation is normal, natural & necessary and that it is messier for men than it is for women however I feel that there are some rules/etiquette that needs to be followed.

1. I find it very annoying when I wake up to the bed shuddering and you huffing and puffing. I never know whether to let you know I am awake or just lie there cringing with embarrassment. To be fair, the shuddering has improved since we switched to a memory foam mattress.
2. Could you please not use your pants or your socks to wipe yourself and then leave them down the side of the bed?
3. Please lock the bathroom door.
4. Don't do it in our home office (where there is no lock).
5. I find it disturbing to hear you in the bathroom moaning with vigorous rubbing sounds at 6.30 in the morning when I am trying to enjoy my first coffee of the day. The door is NOT sound proof.

(and breathe).

I do sound a bit ranty but I needed to get it off my chest. I am very discrete about my own masturbation. I don't like being confronted with evidence of DH's, especially as I don't feel we have frequent enough sex.

Funny the difference between men and women.....

This is very true !!! My last DP, whom I hadn't been seeing that long - woke me up in the middle of the night with his heavy breathing and the fact that the bed was moving. I actually found it really offensive and had I not been zonked out, I would've just gone into the guest room to sleep, it really p*d me off. Personally, I'd prefer to be woken up so we could do stuff together, rather than being rudely awakened by a bloke's panting. When I do it, it's always in private, think its more respectful that way, unless it's part of the whole show in foreplay or whatever. Maybe I'm just old fashioned !?

Funny the difference between men and women.....For a man (or at least the ones I know) waking or discovering their wife or partner masterbating is a massive turn on! I wish I could catch my wife doing it! She swears she doesn't do it as we have enough sex but I'm not sure ;-)

I feel the same about catching my husband - it's a real turn on.

I think one of the main problems with masterbation is you rarely find two people with the same thoughts about it. And as it's such a taboo subject even in relationships it's hard to talk about it and find common ground.

Lend each other a hand.

"1. I find it very annoying when I wake up to the bed shuddering and you huffing and puffing. I never know whether to let you know I am awake or just lie there cringing with embarrassment. To be fair, the shuddering has improved since we switched to a memory foam mattress.

1. Could you please not use your pants or your socks to wipe yourself and then leave them down the side of the bed?"

Kick his manky arse out on to the cold pavement

Erm, I'm embarrassed to say this but I masturbate in with my partner when she is not able to have sex - I caress, hold, cuddle, kiss, suck hmmm etc and it works for us... I think we all have needs, just have to be respectful about sharing those needs...?

should read "masturbate with my partner" not in...