Masturbation etiquette - AIBU?

[WeaselLulu]

I don't know whether IABU or whether to broach any of this with DP.

What I want to say is:
Dear DH,

I know that masturbation is normal, natural & necessary and that it is messier for men than it is for women however I feel that there are some rules/etiquette that needs to be followed.

1. I find it very annoying when I wake up to the bed shuddering and you huffing and puffing. I never know whether to let you know I am awake or just lie there cringing with embarrassment. To be fair, the shuddering has improved since we switched to a memory foam mattress.
2. Could you please not use your pants or your socks to wipe yourself and then leave them down the side of the bed?
3. Please lock the bathroom door.
4. Don't do it in our home office (where there is no lock).
5. I find it disturbing to hear you in the bathroom moaning with vigorous rubbing sounds at 6.30 in the morning when I am trying to enjoy my first coffee of the day. The door is NOT sound proof.

(and breathe).

I do sound a bit ranty but I needed to get it off my chest. I am very discrete about my own masturbation. I don't like being confronted with evidence of DH's, especially as I don't feel we have frequent enough sex.

Exactly moomin, until she's told him then he cannot be being abusive.

That's pushing it a bit. I don't think anybody needs to be told that walking in bed next to a sleeping partner is not the done thing. Maybe once for a guilty thrill but regularly is just wrong albeit not yer actual sexual assault.

Well I think plenty of people wont think of it as wrong, I dont but if it did id just tell him.

The op says its happened infrequently over 10 years! She needs to tell him

Lol would prefer someone wanking than walking in bed :-)

Do you not walk in bed then neither?

A boyfriend once woke me from a dream, because I was apparently trying to run in bed (while I was still lying down.) I think he mostly objected to me having kicked him awake.

I wish I could catch my OH wanking, I know he does it without me sometimes but I'm yet to catch him!

Boltonlass72, I am quite disturbed that you are/were a relationship counsellor and hold the view that sexual fantasy is harmful.

I thought those attitudes went out in the 70s. Have you ever read Nancy Friday?

Ideally, I guess, you can share your fantasies with your partner. Nevertheless, people are autonomous human beings, and are entitled to their own private thoughts and feelings.

Oh, and men can train themselves to not ejaculate when they orgasm, no mess at all!

Really? The things you learn on this site.

BOFtastic

'that way I'm involved and obviously the object of his desire rather than a solo activity where his mind could fantasize about other things....otherwise he may look to porn or fantasies outside the marriage..'.. Fantasies are not helpful in a healthy marriage if any other woman is involved'

is actually what I said. I don't think fantasy is wrong: it can add excitement..it just matters to me what the fantasy is based on. In my experience, where other women are involved it is damaging to the marriage. I'm not a relationship counsellor..I have had some experience of counselling marriages in a pastoral setting. As a Christian I believe marriage is for one man and one woman' The people I have helped have also got that view. It's my personal belief.

^Yes but the op hasnt bothered to tell the dh that she knows hes doing it.

If she tells him and he carries on then yes it would be disrespectful and it would make him an arse, but at least tell the man and give him the chance to stop!^

Moomins that's it exactly, and only occasionally over 10 years.

What's the problem with using a dirty pair of kegs to wipe yourself down afterwards? It saves on tissues and they are going in the washing machine anyway. But he must put them in the wash basket - leaving them stuffed by the side of the bed is v teenage!

I think I read he was leaving them by the bed, which is rank (could have made that up though)

My relationship is fucked then, I was fantasising (SP?) about Vin Deisel last night.

It was dps fault theough for putying on crappy fast and furious

'Oh, and men can train themselves to not ejaculate when they orgasm, no mess at all!'

It's a Jedi mind trick.

Given the history, I think Christians are the last to bleat on about monogamy.

I fantasize about all sorts of things, including other women, despite being completely straight. I've been with DH 20 years and I promise you it has never done any harm to our relationship - quite the opposite. Fantasy is great for our sex life. I don't care what or who he fantasizes about, he only ever touches me.

I can't get my head round the notion of having a wank in bed being seen as assault. I honestly think you would be a laughing stock if you took that one to the police. At worst, it could possibly be inconsiderate, but only if she has actually bothered to tell him she doesn't like it. Otherwise, it could be said that he is co comfortable in front of her that he has no inhibitions about masturbating next to her.

Our men are having their say on the matter
www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&f=210&t=1381844&mid=63473&nmt=Good+old+mumsnet

Perhaps have a bit more sex? Don't feel embarrassed or ashamed, join in?

Male sex drive is like water, it will find a level whether you put it in something or not.

chrissy Blimey they think we are all a completely different species!
I do like the fact they point out womens 'ravaged' bits and also referred to them as 'crocodile' handbag. Then there is the conclusion married women with children don't give head or give sex to the husband's

Well I must be in the minority as I like to give my dh one on a daily basis aswell as the other sexual things they mention. And I can still give my dh a good seeing to even after 5dc

I can't get my head round the notion of having a wank in bed being seen as assault.

Oh dear - I'm ALWAYS doing it whilst DH is asleep next to me

From reading the comments on Pistinheads it Looks as if it is OPs fault for not fufiller her man's needs hence he has to masturbate every 5mins.

However their talk on non-messy wanking is very interesting

At least we all know what they do behind their desks on the office now.

Yes

If my dh ends up with an exploding cock I will now know why but im guessing he is of the dirtier kind lol!

I'm surprised many of them have energy to have sex at all with all the masturbating they do! probably pulling their pencils right now over their Porches and Farraris that they don't really own