Masturbation etiquette - AIBU?

[WeaselLulu]

I don't know whether IABU or whether to broach any of this with DP.

What I want to say is:
Dear DH,

I know that masturbation is normal, natural & necessary and that it is messier for men than it is for women however I feel that there are some rules/etiquette that needs to be followed.

1. I find it very annoying when I wake up to the bed shuddering and you huffing and puffing. I never know whether to let you know I am awake or just lie there cringing with embarrassment. To be fair, the shuddering has improved since we switched to a memory foam mattress.
2. Could you please not use your pants or your socks to wipe yourself and then leave them down the side of the bed?
3. Please lock the bathroom door.
4. Don't do it in our home office (where there is no lock).
5. I find it disturbing to hear you in the bathroom moaning with vigorous rubbing sounds at 6.30 in the morning when I am trying to enjoy my first coffee of the day. The door is NOT sound proof.

(and breathe).

I do sound a bit ranty but I needed to get it off my chest. I am very discrete about my own masturbation. I don't like being confronted with evidence of DH's, especially as I don't feel we have frequent enough sex.

I am talking to someone about the continued use of 'sexual assault' as a classification for this behaviour.

Which it absolutely is not.

Considering you said I was no better than a dog humping soneones leg strident, I think we all know where you stand on being a prude.

You just keep saying assumed consent has been abolished like that matters within a stable, healthy relationship. I don't ask for consent each time I have sex with my DH and neither does he. People work under the assumption of ongoing consent whether it's 'legal' or not. He does things to me, I do things to him, we do things to each other. In light of that ongoing relationship, with implicit consent in all sorts of fun things, I would not assume that DH would object to me rubbing one off in bed whilst he's snoring away just because I hadn't asked for specific consent for that one act.

proper understanding of consent is important so that you respect your partner's autonomy and boundaries. If you don't that at best undermines the relationship and at worst hurts them and can be abusive and/or illegal.

Well one example where this is the case would be good offred.

But there isn't one, giving someone a hug can be assault if they don't want a hug but as I pointed out in my last post to you, someone has to say 'I don't want this hug' and have it continue before it becomes assault.

I think you are struggling to understand the law, I think perhaps phone 101 tomorrow and have a p

• police officer who can explain to you the difference between having a wank and sexually assaulting someone.

I'm not saying the OP has been sexually assaulted necessarily althoughthat could be a valid feeling, or that you are sexually assaulting your husbands.

I'm defending agaisnt the argument that wanking in bed is never sexual assault.

police officers don't have a comprehensive understanding of the complexities of the law! They are enforcement officers not lawyers. Maybe you could speak to a specialist lawyer working in sexual offences and they could explain it to you

I am laughing my tits off at some of the over reactions on here, I wonder if the OP is happy to stir up such a can of worms over something that could have been sorted out wit a quick word or her ( as she said she'd like more sex) giving a hand so to speak and seeing where it leads, maybe between them they could kill two birds with one stone. A little communication between a couple was all that was needed rather than waking up outraged of surbiton on here.

As to all the hyperbole on here, why don't you just release some of that pent up frustration and maybe nip off and have a quick wan.... err hold on, maybe not.

people don't have to reject a hug before it becomes a sexual assault actually. If it is considered sexual behaviour the hugger has to gain consent from the person they are hugging.

Sexual offences all require the person doing the sexual behaviour to gain consent.

I find it unbelievable that people in this day and age 11 years after the law was passed don't understand this.

I cant find any thing in section 3 that says touching myself around my sleeping partner is sexual assult

Op if you don't like it tell him.

Im going to bed now, not to have a wank though

content.met.police.uk/Article/Definitions/1400008450549/1400008450549

content.met.police.uk/Article/Definitions/1400008450549/1400008450549

Woof.

We are talking about husband and wife. Not strangers. They are different things for most of us

ah yes, sorry it is s4 not s3. That's my mistake but the consent principle doesnt actually change whatever the provision used is.

They are only different because you are more likely to know you have consent but it's no different when you don't. Doesn't matter what sexual offence. Have to have consent.

Oh good grief offred no-one has said that wanking in bed can never be a sexual assault - go back and read my post of 23:25 where I actually gave an example of where it could be. You're the one who has been deliberately provocative in implying that it always is.

I'm going to bed in a minute too. I might have a wank as I have bastard period pains today and it helps on occasion.

Nothing in that website you linked to says that having a wank in bed is sexual assault.

Ah, so now it just could be a sexual assault rather than it always being. A bit of back peddling.

So, given that the husband in this situation has absolutely no idea that he has woken up his partner of many years nor that she is so uncomfortable with it, can it be classified as disrespectful? I don't think so. Not nearly as disrespectful as starting a thread about him on the Internet anyway.

Yeah section 4 is all about forcing someone to engage e in sexual activity

And victorians link is about touchin someone sexually without consent

s4 (the correct one) reads "(1)A person (A) commits an offence if—

(a)he intentionally causes another person (B) to engage in an activity,

(b)the activity is sexual,

(c)B does not consent to engaging in the activity, and

(d)A does not reasonably believe that B consents."

The sentencing guidelines clarify "All non-consensual offences involve the violation of the victim's sexual autonomy and will result in harm. The seriousness of the violation may depend on a number of factors, but the nature of the sexual behaviour will be the primary indicator of the degree of harm caused in the first instance."

maybe the OP should show her husband this thread if she hasn't got the balls to talk to him, i'm sure he'd be over the moon to see his wife's feelings shared with thousands of strangers rather than talking to him about it .

I've never said it always was because it turns on consent. If you partner does in fact consent it isn't an offence. If the don't it can be an offence. Which is what I've said all along.

the point was never about it being offence. It was about why consent is important.