The Dating game - welcome all daters to the DATING THREAD 70!!!

[girliefriend]

Thought it was my turn to start the thread!!

[OneDayWhenIGrowUp]

Hello ah no what an idiot.

[HelloBoys]

OneDay - honestly he's enough to put me off.

Do you know what? Our first date I was like.... hmmm nice guy but. 2nd date I actually wanted to leave, go home, was awkward but stayed got more comfy and next thing you know we're dating.

met online but now seriously put OFF men online! have met nicer men IRL. in fact last 2 disasters (inc this one) have been online...

[indecisiveme]

Hi all, just found the new thread, will have a catch up tonight. Took the plunge and joined match last night.... Not sure anything so far has made me think it's worth staying after the 3 free days :-(

[scornedwoman67]

hello I'm sorry to hear that. I do hate liars. Consider yourself well away this time. I've come to the conclusion that you don't trust any of them until they prove themselves. I do hope I don't end up like a nutty cat lady
lickety Just be careful. The 'abroad' thing & 'WIFI' problems are often trotted out as excuses when they are actually otherwise attached & only able to go online secretly. The 'being abroad' makes you think you can't phone in the evening. Do you have conversations on the phone at 'normal' times of the day? I've found that if most communication is via text/email & rather sporadic it's because they are up to no good!

[HelloBoys]

scorned - now it flags up all sorts of questions as why he didn't want me coming to his place (i live London him by Kent coast) - he DID invite me down and wanted me to meet his mates etc. and all that doesn't sit well with me re dishonesty/trust etc. how do they prove themselves though?

Thinking back we had a few things in common but maybe not loads (how many women like Dungeons and Dragons role play and American Football?!) but I kept on thinking we get on so well, like each other loads (both said we were perfect for each other, best sex ever) and now I'm like he didn't mean that.

ah well time I think.

[HelloBoys]

Lickety I hate to say it but as scorned did....

the ex (who just finished with me) was on a dating site the other day (not the one I met him on just googled) when I called him out on this he said "oh connection not logged out, iphone problems" - yeah fucking RIGHT.

does he think I was born yesterday? so don't be so keen to believe the WIFI etc rubbish not being nasty but just a warning.

[scornedwoman67]

I think they just have to prove themselves over time. THe first bloke I went out with was an ex-schoolmate from years ago ( incidentally also lived on the Kent coast but wasn't in to Dungeons & Dragons !!) , I met all his friends ( including his best friend who was married but had his OW with him when we met - should have been a Red Flag then I suppose)
Turned out they all knew that he was still with the mother of his young daughter, and that I was a bit of fun - they all knew it & went along with it. It was just accepted.

Not wanting you to visit their house, unexplained 'unavailability' and vagueness about life in general are definitely suspicious.

Sadly me & my group of friends have had many many experiences of dishonest men. I have become quite a good detective in my spare time and have managed to discover quite a few who have still been married/living with women. If ever I get made redundant I've been told I need to be a private detective!

[scornedwoman67]

Sorry lickety I hope I didn't offend - I've just seen it all & heard it all before. If I can stop one lovely lady being taken for a ride by a 'player' then the 'twonks' that I have come across will have served their purpose. for you.

[FolkGirl]

Hello I think the getting serious quickly is considered to be a red flag in itself. I met a man who told me after a couple of weeks that he'd "fallen in love" with me by the end of the night we met. I was a bit at the time and sure enough he'd disappeared after 4 weeks. I wasn't really bothered. I had liked him, but none of it was real. Or true. And the intensity had started to scare me a bit. Well, scare me off. I wasn't in fear of him or anything.

I wouldn't have come off the site for anyone. I said I wouldn't renew my subscription when it ran out, and I didn't. The man I'm seeing did the same.

[dippinmytoe]

Oh scorned I too should be a detective. . People are daft with the internet and Facebook etc most people can be found out. But it doesn't stop them ..

I am going to go on 2nd date with mr flash tomorrow night and see if I do like like him . There were no awkward silences so at least he is wasy to talk to. However I am not investing heavily .. chatting to a couple of others .

[HelloBoys]

scorned that's the thing he was almost always available or had very plausible and valid excuses for not being available (he had a son he saw every Wednesday and most weekends. I think he was on the whole honest. He wasn't even vague recently he was just going through a lot and it was too much for me/him etc. he was distant by text though.

Sorry about your man though what an idiot to do that to you and his friends in on it.

Folk - I will certainly run like the wind in the future - it wasn't after one date rather 6 weeks?? but anyway i thought these things can happen don't often happen but can so just go with it and I was flattered. Now I just feel such a fool with egg on my face. yeah I got hooked into the love thing and I suppose I wanted it too. he did this up until very recently then went cold.

I think wise words re subscription and I will stick to same.

[FolkGirl]

As far as the lying goes...

My starting point is that I treat everyone as though they are being honest until they show me otherwise, but that I know everyone could be lying until they prove that they are not the sort of person who does. Does that make sense? So I don't treat people with suspicion or question them/their intentions, and I accept what they tell me, but I don't necessarily believe them.

The man I'm seeing said that one of the things he liked about me was my honesty - both in terms of what I said I was looking for from OD and because when we met I was actually true to my profile! Which just baffled me. But I could have said the same about him. And so I hope he hasn't felt the need to lie to me about anything.

He appears to be honest and even things that he has said, such as his WIFI being down... turned out to be true (because it went down when I was there 2 days later).

[HelloBoys]

I believe people generally maybe too much. In fact I wasn't suspicious at all of not going back to his place, my mum and a close friend of mine flagged that up.

I don't think he's a totally lying person but the FB thing and the online dating - well he obviously didn't want to see me, is ignoring me - YET why did he ask to meet me for a chat? As soon as I mentioned last night before I got the text that I could and would get on a train to see him on Saturday then BAM got the dumped text. Maybe he IS hiding stuff. who knows? who cares?

[HelloBoys]

jarlin - have fun with your wedding.

blossom - my brother is a Libran LOL - wonder what that makes him, I think he can be quite head in the sky sometimes and he's always on the go, doing stuff. You can read too much into star signs sometimes. some of the strangest mixes end up together.

[FolkGirl]

To be fair, in the world of OD, I think 6 weeks is still early days. If I met someone IRL I'd expect it to be exclusive and to trust it was what it seemed early on. I'd certainly never multi-date in the real world.

But at the same time, 6 weeks isn't one date. And if someone said to me after 6 weeks of dating that they wanted us to come off the site, I can see how I could feel tempted.

Don't feel you've got egg on your face though. It's one of the rules remember? People disappearing and going wierd on you and shit isn't your fault.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to be loved. I don't know how much of the previous threads you've read, but I have a real issue with 'love'. I'm beginning to think I'm no more capable of loving someone else than I am of being loved by them. But it doesn't stop me from wanting it. It's part of being human.

Dust yourself off, get back onto the site, take a step back from it emotionally and just enjoy meeting new people and have some good nights out. If anything else comes of it, then that's a bonus. Let some people buy you dinner/drinks and tell you you're beautiful. Why not?

[scornedwoman67]

hello you're right - who cares? He's a liar and a waste of space. Onwards & upwards!

jarlin Have a fab time at the wedding

folk You sound lovely - I hope you have a really good one there x

[Blossomflowers]

hell I had to laugh @ the before 4.

[HelloBoys]

ha - scorned I love this thread and people like you. I need people to give me a reality check and a get out there shove.

so many friends sometimes are like "oh that's a PITY" if it goes wrong IRL you don't want to tell them or you do... kwim? and I can do without pity right now as cat was put to sleep the other day so I'm teary anyway.

Folk you have some great advice and a nice post reply back - thank you! Have to go in a sec so skim read it.

Have a nice weekend all of you!

[HelloBoys]

Blossom - it would be G&T or vodka for me - but a nice cool glass of rose would do excellently right now and I intend to have one soon!

[FolkGirl]

scorned me too...

Hello thank you.

I used to say to exH that I would never intentionally hurt anyone, and rarely said a bad word about anyone (unless I felt it was necessary for cathartic reasons!) because there weren't enough people in the world who thought well of me for me to give people reason to think badly.

And I still stick to that now, but unfortunately, it doesn't necessarily encourage the same in return

[FolkGirl]

Jarlin The more I think about it, the more I really like the idea of MadeMan's idea about whispering to him in the church.

Now that is hot. And very cool!

I hope it goes well and you have a great time.

[Blossomflowers]

Right now I now feel sick with nerves, far more than our first date. House is a tip, need to do my nails, not sure what tackle first, ans just kissed son goodbye with his first stay over @ his dads, feel like crying.

[FolkGirl]

Blossom, Blossom, Blossom.

Firstly, why not just say to him that you're not comfortable with the idea of him coming to yours and that you'd much rather meet him somewhere.

Secondly, do your nails.

Thirdly, put some loud music on and dance around singing and rejoice in the fact that your son staying over at his dad's gives you some freedom and a bit of yourself back to you.

I love my children, don't get me wrong, but I don't miss them when they're at their dads because that's my time to have my life and be me, and not 'just' their mum.

[Blossomflowers]

folkgirl oh it not that, I am really looking forward to seeing him, just keep thinking I will get a text to say he has changed his mind, well at least I would know what he is like, this is all in my mind.
Just watched DS away with his dad and what made me cry and this is going to sound crazy but finally I feel absolutely nothing for X other than contempt and this is like a beginning of a new era, scarey but exciting, I am just being a twat sorry, blub blub