The Dating game - welcome all daters to the DATING THREAD 70!!!

[girliefriend]

Thought it was my turn to start the thread!!

scorned I'm not looking for a challenge anymore, I'm totally ' challenged out" and tired of that. I want content, happy, fun, laughter, kindness. He seems all these so far. I do fancy certain bits of him I like his hands, arms, tattoos, chest. It's just and it sounds awful he just doesn't have the kind of face I would EVER go for. He is growing on me for certain, it definately different from other relationships I've had

Mr weirdo French Maid was on Plenty of Fish, a paid site, I find it quite good, I have had most success with POF and of course that his free. Stupidly signed up to E-Harmony and just don't get it, too long winded and full of old christian fuddy duddies seem to be the main type of guys on there. OKCupid not much going on there. But this is only my experience. I have messaged/spoken a handful of people and only met 2, have been extremely picky. Hoping my dating radar in in tune, hence giving mrscottishaccent a chance. ( I was not going to speak with him because of the accent, don't laugh)

Well santa I can say for certainty that MrVanMan was nothing like my usual sort but I got to know him & just gradually realsied what a thoroughly lovel, kind man he is. And I found that really attractive. I would say hang in there. I think you will probably know a few months down the line.
It's a funny one isn't it - we all want the 'fireworks' but invariably it comes hand-in-hand with the massive let-downs as well. I'm beginning to wonder if I'd be better looking for a Mr Steady. But I don't want to give up on the 'butterflies' either.

blossom that's funny - you didn't want to speak to him because of his accent?!
Now I'm confused - I thought 'Plenty of Fish' and POF were the same one - and both free. I've heard E-Harmony is expensive & not up to much.
My friend was on POF for a few years and had quite an interesting collection of 'ahem' gentlemens appendages she had been sent. It sort of put me off a bit !!!!! Then she met one who had omitted to tell her that he had no teeth, and a third one whose vocabulary stopped with two-letter words.

Plenty of fish and POF are diiferent, look there are weridos's everywhere you just got to get good at filtering them out.
To be clear about mrscottishaccent, we were messaging loads and arranged to chat on the phone ( something I always do but some people don't) and he told me have had a accent, stupidly I thought it would turn me off, ( I think someone voice is important) it was the opposite and I find it a real turn on. Well that showed me not to prejudge.

Santa The man I'm seeing is a bit like that. I fancy certain bits of him - he has a very nice bottom!, gorgeous skin, nice arms, good legs and he is physically more 'masculine' than anyone else I've ever had anything to do with. But he doesn't have the kind of face I'd ever go for either.

When we met on our first date I did just think "God, no". Not because there was anything wrong with him, just because I didn't think I'd fancy him. But he was just so lovely, I couldn't not see him again. There was definitely an attraction there, but I'm not really sure I could tell you what it was

As a slight aside. I'm not sure if I should lose some weight. I'm quite curvy and happy to be so. There are times when I don't think I look too bad. I'm around a size 12. Sometimes a 10, sometimes a 14, depending on where I shop! I'm exactly 2 stone heavier than I was 15 years ago and would realistically like to be a 10-14lb lighter than I am now. I'm 5'4. I wouldn't suit being 'skinny' - it didn't really suit me 2 stone ago. I can't help but think that I would be more attractive if I lost that stone... I don't think I carry the weight well either. I don't look soft and round and marshmallowly (which I think I'd quite like). Part of the problem is that I'm very pale and so I look like I've been fashioned out of softened lumpy lard. Which is a bit grim.

omg folkgirl Your size sounds fine. I don't know what age you are but I am in my mid 40's, 5. .5 and wear size 12 jeans comfortably, sometimes I think I should loose a few pounds because in clothes I think I look ok but when I look in the mirror with nothing on I think yuk who would fancy that. Trouble is if a loose too much then wrinkles begin to show more and makes me look older. I have been with the same man for 2o years and thought of new man looking @ me feels me with dread.

Just to clarify, the man I'm seeing is not unattractive! Just that he's not what I'd ever normally go for - everything is different - height, colouring, physique, looks, everything!

isn't it funny how we have a type, I go for tall. dark men, medium.heavy build, Also was talking about star signs with MrScottishaccent the other day and I realised that all my ltr have been with Librians, so moral of that story avoid Librians at all costs. MRSA is Cancerian so that is a good start. lol

Blossom The thing is, about a stone ago I thought I looked a lot better than I did 15 years ago. I seemed to put the weight on in the right places and went from looking a bit pear shaped to reasonably hourglass shaped. I now feel like I've started to fill in the hourglass a little to much...

I'm 39.

I don't really suit jeans - but I did wear them a stone ago. I suppose that's what I'm thinking really.

I'm actually more confident being naked now than I ever was. I think that's got a lot to do with the fact that I know that now I'm nearly 40 and I've had 2 kids so no one's going to expect me to look good .

One man I saw for a bit said he found my 'confidence' really attractive (because I'd wander around nekkid). I wasn't confident, just resigned and I've decided I'm never going to complain to a man about being "too fat" ever again. Because that is unattractive!

I usually go for tall, skinny, pale, blue eyes, dark hair, think Sheldon Cooper!

This man the opposite in pretty much every way!

That is the problem for me folkgirl I am a few years older than you, have 2 kids, big boobs that look great in a bra but not wearing one, I am hugely conscience of them. My X did very little for my self esteem, until last sunday he was the only person I had kissed in 20 years. Truely terrified anyone will just look at me in the nude and think yuk, I do not have that lovely body anymore.

My chap is nothing like what I thought my type was!! I always liked tall, dark and handsome - think Colin Firth!!

Smallfeet is, well, shortish, he does have dark hair but he more or less shaves it all off, I think he looks almost oriental I told him that once and he nearly killed himself laughing!!

However I do find him more and more attractive, I really like his arms, he has fantastic teeth but a lot of it is down to his personality - the old cliche is true, it does matter more than looks

Blossom I sometimes think that I look like an ancient fertility idol!

I didn't ever have a 'lovely' body, but it was younger and thinner than it is now.

I know the 'yuk' fear though. I suppose I just hate the thought that someone is looking at me thinking that this is what they've been reduced to and thinking back to the good old days when they attracted slim and beautiful women.

Or rather, this is what I worry that the man I'm seeing is thinking...

oh folkgirl I am sure that is not true. oh hell, I think I am over thinking this. X has done a number on me, I don't know how I have managed to get so far and brave enough to meet anyone

I had to go to work yesterday and I know the conversation has really moved on by now (loved reading this thread by the way -informative and amusing!)

But I just wanted to come back and say, disappearing abroad man has emailed this morning. It was a really really long message and included an apology for not writing back sooner but his wifi has been really sketchy. He said its better now though because he has moved hotels.

I did see him online though.

Should I leave it a day or so before messaging back? I hate game playing though. If it was just me being me, I'd email back later tonight when I'm settled on sofa with glass of wine.

Should I make it shorter? I don't want to get in trap of writing massive chapter and verse to each other and it not even ending in a date

I also thought plenty of fish and POF were the same!

Ha, I'm the opposite to everyone there, I really don't have a type, at least not physically! If you lined up all the people I've ever been attracted to there isn't a common thread when it comes to build/hair colour etc...apart from not really short, but then I'm quite tiny so everyone is taller than me anyway. I think there are some common threads personality wise....usually a little bit geeky, usually a lot shyer/more introverted than me.

no POF is free then you have plenty of fieh, plenty of silver fish and the naughty pond ( sex pond).
Re abroad man I reply with short message later with you glass of wine. As I have said before I really think these site show people online when they are not, then you were on there too so why not anyway. I was on POF this morning checking messages, even though well into mrscottishaccent, got to keep options open until commited.

Lickety I would email back when it suits you and you feel it's right to do so. I don't go in for the 'game playing' either. Just write what feels right. Read it back before you send it and see what you think then.

Blossom Yes, I think we're both probably overthinking. A little. It wasn't even my ex who did the number on me. The message I got from my mother growing up was that being thin and beautiful were the only things that made a woman worthwhile. And that I wasn't either. I didn't need a man to destroy my self confidence/self esteem. I didn't have any to begin with!

Great thanks, I will.

one day I'm like you, my exes are all a complete tapestry of the male sort in general, a right geeky looking lineup probably. I've always wanted someone taller than me but at 5ft 10 have always ended up with someone that makes me feel the need to wear flats.

Personality always wins out

Abroad man is 6ft 4

Bloody nightmare all round. Boyfriend finally dumped me (after me going mad at him) by text last night.

Then the clincher this morning - we were supposed to meet up last night for a chat - he'd said his high speed train from coast to London was cancelled only he'd got another one later that day, was out at leaving drinks (found out through FB which I'm not on as his friend but spied) - what a fucking liar. To say I'm mad beyond the mad is quite true. I agree with what he said why he wants to end (long and complex not to do with me) but lying about something when HE said he wanted to meet is a pain.

blossom I am going to adopt your attitude to it

Options, options, options...this one is fit though! Oh stop it!

Yep, agree with keeping your options open. Don't mentally commit to anyone hoping for the best. That way tears and too much wine lies.

Folkgirl - what happens though when like my ex boyfriend they get serious quite quickly want you to come off dating sites etc and THEN blow cold on you?

I don't get that side of things.