The Dating game - welcome all daters to the DATING THREAD 70!!!

[girliefriend]

Thought it was my turn to start the thread!!

Hi everyone just popping in to check you're all o.kay.

Folk has be text you yet? When are you seeing him next? The counselling sounds really positive.

Jarlin sorry to hear about SB mum, you sound like you are being sensible though, I am still not convinced this bloke is the right one for you but I think you are right to give him a chance.

Well Smallfeet came over last night, I hadn't seen him for nearly 2 weeks and was feeling a bit unsure about things, he seemed a bit quiet to start with but by the end of the evening well umm we had def made up So am hoping all is good, am still not convinced I am capable of proper grown up relationships but we will see!!

We haven't got to the 'I love you' bit yet but sometimes I find myself nearly saying it and then other times worrying that he will say it and I won't be able to say it back

QueenandKing He is super lovely it was fun to have him cook for me. He has some way to go to match my aspirational-masterchef-style kitchen habits but I'm not dating him for his culinary skills! As for carguy - I'm sorry for not keeping up have you been on a date with him? If not, then I would just stop replying if it's getting boring, they haven't asked me out and I don't want to ask them (cos they're boring). You don't know this person and owe them no explanation. If it's post-date, if I wanted to see them again I'd ask, if I didn't, I'd send a thanks-but-not-thanks message.

chairyhin (great name btw) it's all about the thick skin! Def ok for women to message men first, why wouldn't it be

I know, I need to just ignore him.. He's a widower of five years so I feel a bit bad! Also he's making no suggestions of meeting up and I've given my availability (smoothly!) so it's not going anywhere. He may just want a text friend!

I do so love it when they cook for you, it's so sweet and usually cooked badly lol bless them

Chair definitely message! Some real weirdos out there.

Girlie, your night sounds lovely, do you have to wait so long for the next one?

Queen am hoping to see him again on Sunday, am hoping things are going to settle a bit next week (has been a busy couple of weeks with work, writing an assignment and being ill!) so I will see him more often.

He mentioned coming over on a Wed as a regular thing so that would be good.

Chairyhin I am pretty sure I messaged Smallfeet first and I def asked him out, if I waited for him to ask me out would probably still be waiting!!

Thanks all for the reassurance,messages sent and had a reply from the fireman so feeling a bit better now even if it's only one message back.
blossom I've not been on any dates yet,the one I thought might have ended in a date turned completely gaga on me and said I was a Neanderthal for listening to smooth radio lol,needless to say he was deleted.
Oneday alas it's a name true to me,used to be one stray until I waxed.

Ok

Need ideas for 3rd date ? Very cheap tho and do you think going to his is ok ?

chairy I think you need to get out there and meet a few, even if for coffee, people often turn out to be a whole lot different when you meet them. I am looking at the profile of the mrScot Accent and he is load more got in RL
jesy 3rd date, how do you feel about him?

Chairy lol where do these men crawl out from?!

Had bit of a down moment, ex bf untagged pics of his kids I had on FB. I had deleted him but that was hard.

Car guy is still messaging vague general messages. I haven't out up my photo on POF yet as met ex on there.. I do need to do it

I'm sending messages from my kindle and don't think they are arriving at their destination here,queenpof and okc these crawlers were from.

Jarlin that is a good plan, do you think you will see anyone else in the meantime?

I know I need to just ignore, I'm smarting from the exbf, feeling a little alone

Jarlin I like the name Mr Blanket :) We've said we'll have a second date but not arranged details yet. Need to check my diary, free time is at a bit of a luxury at the moment! Glad you're feeling better about MrSlowburner, I've always been rooting for him! He seems very down to earth :)

OneDay Mr NiceGuy sounds sweet too by cooking for you. Out of interest, what did he make? :)

I'm another one who says it's definitely ok for the woman to message the man first. Expect some to not reply but don't take it personally :)

jarlin maybe sb is sb in all depts... maybe he hadn't dtd in a while , then the stress of his mum... made him selfish.. he seems more tactile now. If you are prepared to wait and see what happens, you may be surprised. I know it could all be for a wasted effort. BUT you never know , he could surprise you. Would love a happy ending :)

crow blanket sounds good :)

We've emailed a few times this week, just nice stuff the same as it always was. But his lovely words just sound a bit hollow now. I have no idea whether I can believe him or not.

I'm going over there next Friday as I would have done normally, with the understanding that he might have to go home as his mother is due an operation around that date and he obviously wants to be there. And also the understanding that we will be talking and I'm not drinking so that if I choose to leave the evening I get there, I can do.

The detaching thing is helping a little. Last night we exchanged a few emails and it was all nice but then they stopped abruptly and sort of mid conversation at 9.30. Now I know he's not been sleeping well the last few nights as he has a few things on his mind, and he said he was watching a film in bed. Now in the past I would just have assumed he'd fallen asleep watching it through tiredness (which is what I know he will tell me happened). But now I'm thinking that there's always the possiblity he went out and met someone.

I'm not even sure about going over because I know I'll feel just the same about him as I always do.

I don't know. I just feel a bit sad that it looks likely that he'll just be added to the wrong side of the People Who Love FolkGirl: 2 children/People Who Don't and Never Did: Everyone else I've tried to enter into any sort of relationship with ever.

I keep getting told how lovely I am. Just not lovely enough...

Sorry it's all me again. I just haven't really got the capacity for responding to other people at the moment.

folk Don't be too disheartened. You and I have these 2 weekly date issues, and I have just had mine. I stayed over at his house, we cooked, we had wine and it was lovely, but, it will be 2 weeks before I see him. You can always pull away from texting/messaging etc and see if he makes more of an effort, but if he just stops 'talking' suddenly, you are going think he has gone out etc.

Only you know if you think he is worth the agony of it all

Folk - I've been lurking here (not been up to much though messaged a guy on Match Affinity who was interested in my profile.

From my limited experience with your man (can't think of name) - you really need to have a talk sooner rather than later to get these issues sorted once and for all and let you know where you stand. It's not healthy or fair his behaviour. In my opinion and experience the browsing dating sites (after my experience) would be a big red flag and you are bound to be as you were last night wondering where he's gone/who he's chatting to online etc.

and as Lizzie says only you know if he's worth it.

I will also say - I totally believed Kent Lad when he said he wasn't online on other dating sites (didn't think to check up but did see he was on one just didn't check when he'd logged in) but now, I don't know what to think and I think I'd have a talk too about this with someone I'm dating.

also I'll say re him emailing you etc and cutting off - don't cut him any slack with this especially after you've aired your concerns - as my ex (Kent Lad) said and my brother etc have said 'If you're interested in someone you put time and effort into seeing/being in touch with them etc'. So he knows what he has to do.

jarlin have to say that mrSA is doing my head in, we were texting last night and things got a bit heated he started it, then suddenly announced he was looking after his kids and would text me later to finish out little chat, wtaf but did not text back. This morning he apologised said got back late and fell asleep. Have just asked him is he is still coming to see me tonight and he replied "I'm not sure how work will pan out and hopefully won't finish too late to come over ( he officially finishes @ 10.00 and an hour 45 min drive away) I have replied "no problem with being late but do you actually want to come" This is beginning to urke me am I being unreasonable? please tell if I am, getting paranoid

Long-time lurker here,and will now probably bore you all to death with a looong first post!

I’ve been doing OL dating about 18 months on and off, separated from a long, bad marriage 2.5 years ago.. Ended a 7 month relationship (met on Match) in January , as I felt his heart wasn’t in it and I was being fitted in . Felt that I was a convenient FWB and a bit of respectable arm-candy to take to couples type things (of which there were many- he was part of the rich country set..) Eventually I got a grip and told him, he denied it but certainly didn’t fight his corner. No great heart-ache on my part tbh, I suppose what I found hardest was getting used to being on my own on the nights I had been seeing him.
Hindsight being that fantastic thing, I now wonder why I let it go on that long (it didn’t do a great deal for my self-esteem, never feeling that he particularly WANTED to see me iykwim, but it was fun when we were together)
So I subscribed to GSM a few weeks back, there aren’t too many men on there in this area but at least they’re semi-intelligent !
Had a few meh encounters, (I’m now a firm believer in minimal emailing, quick meets). Then met someone I’ll call the Dunce, great connection, both keen to meet again. couldn’t keep hands off each other, dtd 2nd date last Monday. Fantastic, it certainly restored my faith in middle-aged men, after decidedly meh sex from the posh one. I am the sort who likes to maintain the momentum, so would like to meet again and see where it goes.
Since then, trying to meet up again, which is appearing to be more tricky. He seems to be keen to meet but is offering middle of next week. I can’t do those days (teenage DC requiring transport), have offered Sun or Fri, he is now suggesting the following week. I went into this bout of dating absolutely determined I am NOT going to be fitted in at their convenience. I don’t want to burn my boats, but 2 weeks after the last date?? And this is from a man who is semi-retired and claims to have a great work-life balance.
I absolutely acknowledge that I am guilty of over-thinking and over engagement (after only 2 dates you’re probably all thinking - eh WTF?!), and need some perspective...
So, please oh fellow wise ones, tell me your views. Having dtd, is he now shagging and running (in a “decent” way)? I want to say to him something along the lines of “it shouldn’t be this difficult so early should it”, and that I’m not I’m certainly not about to go and book the church but I want something with a bit more momentum/keenness. Would like a suitably worded text, not, as I say, burning the boats, but making it clear that I won’t be a convenience and that if he’s not actively wanting to make time for me, I’d rather know now….
Sorry to make this such a long and rambling essay….but have seen such great advice on here!

I have a dilemma. All seems to be going very very well with Bricky. I met his family last weekend, this evening we are going out with my daughter. We have been talking about holidays in the summer. He's said he's falling for me. We see eachother I very regularly about 4 times a week, all good

However he is still on POF. He has mentioned several times he ought to take his profile down, and tbh I haven't really said yes I'd like you to very clearly. We are both still on match and he did say he's not taking his profile down until I take mine down. So basically neither of us is forcing the issue. I don't really think he's seeing anyone else at all but do feel slightly uncomfortable that he may be doing the old thing of keeping an eye out in case someone better comes along. Although he's been talking quite long term with me, holidays, brothers wedding in the Summer. Still it's what they do isn't it, not what they say and he's still got his profile which says online today. I'm hoping this just means he's has a sneaky look at who views him like I do

damn - Kent Lad has just emailed me re my wanting to get in touch and said yes to that and so on. a nice email. damn damn damn. I still care for him.

Santa that is a really really tough one, he sounds insecure and may be worried that you are waiting for something else? I can't say I have much trust these days. You may just need to have a discussion..

Hello, I don't know the backstory of Kent, I take it he's behaved badly?

Carguy still not mentioned meeting up, very yawn really. I am talking to a guy that's very funny on okc that has potential, doubt he's looking for long term but I'm not either!

Blossom, do you think he's backing off? I think you did the right thing asking directly, he's being funny isn't he?

Queen - he didn't behave badly was more mixed up, in fact I behaved badly by texting nasty stuff. He was very measured in his email to me though.

DRAT

Honestly Johnny Depp any fanciable male could ask me on a date right now and as it's so raw with Kent Lad I'd turn them down for him. GAH why does this happen?!