husband recorded me when drunk

[JustLikeHeaven]

Husband recorded me on his phone when I was drunk and upset, crying etc. Just my voice, I didn't know he was doing it.

I don't get messy drunk anymore but I used to about ten years ago so it used to be an issue for us. I didn't eat enough and drank too much. . No excuse, I over did it. I behaved badly at a dinner party and embarrassed myself and him. Talking loudly and slurring and boring everyone. I feel stupid now. . They are not close friends. But I also feel betrayed by him. Do I deserve what I get for being a drunken idiot or was that really low. I don't know what he wants to do with the recording. . Just for me to hear how disgusting and scum baggy I am. . So he said. Haven't heard it. So now I am mortified by my own stupid carry on and sick to my stomach that he recorded me when I was upset. Tell me to get real

[WeAreDetective]

Probably not the best analogy given the thread...

[WowserBowser]

That was my point

[WowserBowser]

Oh bugger...now i look like a sock puppet!

[WeAreDetective]

[SwimmingClose]

Maybe, people should projecting their problems on the OP.. SO MANY really THICK know-it-all people here on MN Relationship

[AnyFuckerHQ]

Random

[Takingbackmonday]

Oh OP. I could write your posts :-(

[WeAreDetective]

Hello swimming. Hope you sort out your homing issues soon. There really was a good deal of helpful advise on your thread. Perhaps when you read it this morning having slept and recovered from the alcohol you'll see.

I really do wish you and your son well [ smile]

[JustLikeHeaven]

UPDATE

Hi there. I wanted to come back and give you an update as so many people took the time to reply to my initial post.

Things are back to 'normal' with DH, he actually didn't record me, just said he did. (or so he says now, there is no recording on his phone as he showed me).

I had my first session with a therapist this morning, it was tough going. I have been to this lady in the past so she knows some of my background already. I was completely honest with her for the first time though, (she's a no nonsense type of woman which is what I need).. I feel a little bruised now, to say the least but I'm glad I got it all out. I am going to learn a lot about myself and try to be nicer to myself too (I find that really hard... and its really sad that it should be so difficult). I have to find a way to be nice to myself that doesn't involve 'treating' myself to alcohol or drugs or too much food. That's the challenge.

Its early days but from what we discussed today, alcohol is not my issue... my childhood is my issue. Like most people with addiction issues!!! In the past I have had issues with drugs, in my 20s .....and in my 30s it was alcohol. To be honest food is now my current suppressor of my demons. I am not very over weight, but I'm not happy in my own skin, in every sense. I have an unhealthy relationship with food now as I did with alcohol. I use food now, the way I used to use alcohol or drugs.

So lots of work needed to build my self esteem and find out who I really am, and hopefully come to realise I'm not so bad. Drugs, alcohol and food haven't filled the void and never will.

Thank you for taking the time to reply to me when I was feeling very low... it spurred me on to face ... myself and sort myself out once and for all.

Take care

[thinking101]

Thats great news justlikeheaven

I had counselling for PND/stress and it is tough. I used to feel utterly drained afterward. I also found things would come to me and click in the days afterwards. I doesnt all happen in the session.

I think you are being brave and strong.

Have you thought about supplementing with some exercise/outdoorsey thing. In the past Ive foudn this to be a big help, it really does clear your mind, helps you focus. You also beging to see food as fuel and not the 'nice' thing you do at the end of the day after all the jobs are done and kids are in bed. HTH

Take care x

[JustLikeHeaven]

Thanks thinking. I am joining a running club tomorrow night. Should be interesting as my poor body has only had abuse and not exercise for years. My biggest problem will be trying to be patient. I want to be 'fixed' now. Years to get this way... it will take years to get where I want to be.

[thinking101]

Yes, think of it as a diet for your soul. Each time you go and work through an issue you are making your (emotional) bagage smaller, until evetually you end up with a slinky little clutch

Another great step youve take, im going to the gym for the second time in a fortnight, im getting their. I know once Im back in habit I will get all those feel good vibes back.

The weather is brighter too (well a little) - you one the right path

[WhateverTrevor83]

Thanks for update OP have been thinking of you. Good luck to you

[JustLikeHeaven]

Thank you whateverTrevor