husband recorded me when drunk

[JustLikeHeaven]

Husband recorded me on his phone when I was drunk and upset, crying etc. Just my voice, I didn't know he was doing it.

I don't get messy drunk anymore but I used to about ten years ago so it used to be an issue for us. I didn't eat enough and drank too much. . No excuse, I over did it. I behaved badly at a dinner party and embarrassed myself and him. Talking loudly and slurring and boring everyone. I feel stupid now. . They are not close friends. But I also feel betrayed by him. Do I deserve what I get for being a drunken idiot or was that really low. I don't know what he wants to do with the recording. . Just for me to hear how disgusting and scum baggy I am. . So he said. Haven't heard it. So now I am mortified by my own stupid carry on and sick to my stomach that he recorded me when I was upset. Tell me to get real

[WhateverTrevor83]

You've never heard people say 'stop playing the martyr'? Hmm - thought it was a common turn of phrase. Nevermind.

Not interested in grovelling to you tbh - I've apologised twice and attempted to explain and you. Like it or lump it :-)

People were attacking the OP and making huge sweeping statements about her behavour and drawing comparisons to other people in different situations. Not just you. Let's just leave each other. Sure we'll agree on other stuff on other threads. Peace.

[WhateverTrevor83]

explain *to you, not with you

[WhateverTrevor83]

Haha I'll have a look, ta. Glitter trumps bitter.

[teaandthorazine]

drawing comparisons to other people in different situations

That's called 'experience'. It happens quite a lot on talk boards. Kinda the point of them, in fact.

[WhateverTrevor83]

OK OK OK. JC.

OP are you still there? Did you listen to recording? Hope you're alright.

[ithaka]

WhateverTrevor I made comparisons to my family's experience as I wanted the OP to understand why her DH may still have been upset, even though she hasn't got irresponsibly drunk for 12 years.

People will draw from their own experiences in responding to posters and I had a very recent experience of a formerly long term sober family member falling off the wagon big style at new year. And it was as if the previously years' of sobriety had never happened. It was something for OP to think about.

I sense you are feeling a bit under siege and I really don't mean to add to it, but I do want to say that because my experience does not chime with your experience it does not mean I should not share it.

[WhateverTrevor83]

No of course not... and I'm really sorry you've had that experience.
Totally understand people will advise based on their experience of being in DH's position... or witnessing behavour like she displayed on Sat night.

I just felt like there was a lot of outrage being flung around by a lot of people all at once. That was all.

Hope the situation with your family member improved :-)

[JustLikeHeaven]

WhateverTrevor. . . You don't need to explain yourself. You have apologised. . . Though I didn't see the need and still Cote . . . .you can't seem to let it go

Can we keep on topic

Me being a #uck up.

I haven't listened to it as he went to bed before me and left very early this morning. I will listen to it tonight.

Feeling very down today. . .to be expected. Going to keep busy with the kids and will check in later

Peace and love glittery kisses to you all. ;)

[WhateverTrevor83]

Yep - let's keep in on topic.

Have you had much to do with any one else who was at the do on Saturday? You said they weren't close friends. Not sure if you'll get the chance to clear the air with them etc but I suspect you'd feel better if you had the chance?

You're not a *uck up. Hopefully the appointment on Thursday will be a huge help.

[CoteDAzur]

I let go when I feel like letting go. Is that a problem, OP?

Going back to you - Have you listened to the recording yet? I think it would help you with your DH to listen to it and understand exactly what he is talking about. He probably needs you to see it from his eyes, which is why he made the recording.

Good luck with your appointment on Thursday.

[JustLikeHeaven]

No contact with other dinner guests since I texted those who have needed to, to apologise. They brushed it off. ..But then they would

Do what you want Cote. . You come across as a bit aggressive to be honest. Apologies if I am picking you up wrong as I am overly sensitive now. Thanks for the good luck though. As I said, I haven't listened to recording, will do so tonight

[WhateverTrevor83]

I agree with Cote

Now that the recording is there... may as well make use of it?
If you've heard it, you'll be able to talk at your appointment about what you heard - rather than your DH's feelings about what he heard if that makes sense. It might make you understand a bit more?

Did you say that you were crying a lot when you were drunk? I think people find it quite scary when someone gets really upset and they don't know why or what to say.

[WhateverTrevor83]

Oh sorry just seen you're going to listen tonight. Hope it goes OK. You might feel relief once it's over and done with.

[teaandthorazine]

Good luck OP

(It's fine to say fuck on here, btw!)

[JustLikeHeaven]

Fuck fuck fucking fuck

[JustLikeHeaven]

Yes crying when we got home as he was angry with me in the taxi on the way home and in my drunken state I honestly didn't understand why he was upset and i started crying and asking him what had i done that was so wrong. Etc
Apologies have to go now. Will check in tonight

[thinking101]

You are. It a fuck up. You have got yourself a good husband there (I think) for a start. You both worked through it before, and I think he is trying to help you.

Maybe a shock tactic but it is forcing you to reflect.

Don't be so hard on yourself. Start to think about, visualise it, how your would drink/converse/behave if you went to another dinner party.

Move it al forward in your thinking first, then in actions.

[thinking101]

not

[WeAreDetective]

Just caught up from the last time I saw this thread and delurking to say good luck to you op. sounds like you are facing some uncomfortable home truths, so it's no wonder you feel so fragile.

[stickpin]

I'm so like you op. I don't drink as much as i used to but certain circumstances make me feel uneasy and i drink to compensate. Never ends well!

I always am full of self loathing the next day. It is becoming more rare, but always there. I wish i had a healthy relationship with drink.

Don't know if icould bring myself to listen to a recording .

Anyway, just wanted to let you know you're not alone.

[AnyFucker]

OP is definitely not alone. lots of people use alcohol (or some other unhealthy crutch) to cope with something in their life.

My own relationship with ole Mr Pinot has not always been to my advantage, which is why I can sympathise but am also able to understand that pussyfooting around the problem is the wrong way to go too.

[WhateverTrevor83]

OP said that she hadn't anything to eat as well... I'm not making excuses for her - but that does help explain how she got so tiddly a bit. ie: it wasn't her intention to get sh*tfaced.

I definitely tend to find alcohol affects me quicker if I'm not relaxed etc. So I see what you mean Stickpin.

[WhateverTrevor83]

Ole Mr Pinot... haha. Are you seeing him to? The cheating bastard.

Don't think there's any pussyfooting going on, which is good. She's going to listen to the recording tonight and there's the appointment thursday - so it's all sounding positive.

[AnyFucker]

he is a cruel, cruel master, that is for sure

[WeAreDetective]

Faaarrrr more common than people will admit. I have to work hard to think about how much I drink in a week as I have a tendency to see it as a reward or a way of winding down.

op, you are being very brave to confront it and try to see it for what it really is. for you