husband recorded me when drunk

[JustLikeHeaven]

Husband recorded me on his phone when I was drunk and upset, crying etc. Just my voice, I didn't know he was doing it.

I don't get messy drunk anymore but I used to about ten years ago so it used to be an issue for us. I didn't eat enough and drank too much. . No excuse, I over did it. I behaved badly at a dinner party and embarrassed myself and him. Talking loudly and slurring and boring everyone. I feel stupid now. . They are not close friends. But I also feel betrayed by him. Do I deserve what I get for being a drunken idiot or was that really low. I don't know what he wants to do with the recording. . Just for me to hear how disgusting and scum baggy I am. . So he said. Haven't heard it. So now I am mortified by my own stupid carry on and sick to my stomach that he recorded me when I was upset. Tell me to get real

[RedFocus]

Sorry but if my husband behaved like that at a dinner then I would have recorded him too and shown him what a drunken prat he had been.

[Quinteszilla]

I am with Annie here...

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

I'm sorry that you're upset OP but, when he was embarrassed by your behaviour before, did you deny it or diminish it in any way? Is there some kind of problem with your drinking and control of it? Have you talked about your drinking with him and he with you, before now? Do you have children together? How often do you get drunk?

I don't like being around drunks; they scare me. We all have our own reference points for these things and whilst to you it may seem a laugh or that you're just a bit lairy, to your husband it may mean something else.

Assuming that he's not posting this recording on FB or publicising it to anybody else then I think that you should sit with him and talk because it's a serious thing that he's done (as you would agree) and he loves you so he wouldn't do something like that unless it was a serious issue.

Talk to him.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

I'm on my phone, just seen that you've posted again and there are other messages too. I don't believe that somebody with drinking, drug, food control problems are ever fully free of them, they have to make a conscious decision to control them for the rest of their lives.

Sorry OP, you do have my sympathy although I don't know what it's like to have a drinking problem, I used to smoke though so I can understand addiction.

[nulgirl]

As someone whose partner has a previous drink problem as you put it, I would be absolutely terrified and sick to my stomach if he got drunk and out of control at a dinner party.

It is not like a "normal" person going a bit over the top and it would have brought crashing back the horror that your dh probably lived through last time. He is probably scared (and rightly so) that this is the start of more problems. I honestly wouldn't wish that fear on my worst enemy. I don't think you've got any right to be cross with him when he's probably trying to do anything he can to stop it reoccurring.

[EverythingCounts]

If you haven't drunk (or only moderately) for 12 years, what do you think prompted you getting hammered this time? What else was going on in the background?

[SerenaBracken]

It makes no difference whether stoned, drunk or robbing a bank, for Gods sake, her husband should not be filming her.
No one should be filming anyone without their knowledge.
What a disgusting voyaging society we have become.

[Lweji]

I'm with him on this, sorry.
You sound like you're excusing yourself, despite the apologies, and being angry at him, not yourself.
I can see how he got worried that you might revert to previous behaviour as you're still minimising it.

I'd be taking a long hard look at my own behaviour.

It's not like he posted it on FB, it was private and for you to realise how you are when drunk. I hope you keep it in mind next time you're out, instead of taking it out on him now.

Or find someone who is ok with you being pissed and argumentative whenever you like.

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

I don't think OP said he'd filmed her, he recorded her voice.

[CoteDAzur]

I'm with your husband on this.

You can't get drunk and embarrass yourself and him. Not once in 12 years. Not ever.

Your "I am not perfect and never will be. Boo hoo me" makes me want to slap you, and I'm not even the one who has to live with you.

[teaandthorazine]

One loud mouth drunken night. I am not perfect and never will be. Boo hoo me.

Sorry, OP, but you sound exactly like my alcoholic exh.

Living with a partner who has a problem with drink is exhausting and scary. It honestly doesn't matter if you've not been pissed or embarrassing for 12 years; believe me that your husband will remember just what it was like when you were, and will be terrified of it happening again.

If you've had a problem with alcohol before, then you still have a problem with alcohol. It never goes away.

[JustLikeHeaven]

Hi and thanks again for all your views

He recorded me when we were at home not at the dinner. . Just to be clear

Right. I see now I don't have a right to be angry with him. I was when one who messed up

I haven't gotten messy like this since I used to do it regularly about 12 years ago. Apart from not eating enough I was intimidated by one of the people there and had promised myself before going that I wasn't going to back down if she started to have a go at me. . Which she does every time I see her, she is not a friend. A friend of a friend. It's no excuse but I drank too excess because I was nervous and then wouldn't back down on something as I wrongly thought I was being 'strong'.
Now she is probably correctly laughing at me

I don't believe I am an alcoholic. But then if drinking causes issues maybe I am wrong about that too. I don't drink at home unless we have friends over. . No issues at all in recent years. I drink at weddings etc and always drink lots of water. The times when it was an issue years ago were always when I was out with him and I felt insecure about him flirting with other women. He doesn't do that anymore either. But I know my drinking then and getting stroppy about it wasn't right either. I stopped tilt behaviour because it was causing some many arguments and I didn't want to lose the relationship

I am early 40s, have kids and work for myself. People at the dinner are more his friends through a hobby.

I messed up. I need to look at my drinking again. It has scared and upset me too

I will talk to him tonight and listen to the recording.

Thanks again

[ithaka]

A close family member fell off the wagon at new year - it was horrific. The fact they had been dry for over 16 years did not help - the same behaviour returns as if it were yesterday when they were drinking regularly. No husband or wife should have to endure that.

Credit to them, they have turned it around and have apologised to everyone they upset when drunk. I do have sympathy, I know it is not easy for them, but if they fall off the wagon again I think their partner will leave them and we will all support them in that action.

OP, it may be hard and humiliating, but I think you have to accept how your behaviour when drunk affects your husband and resolve to learn from this and move on.

[AnyFucker]

you are doing the right thing, take care x

[JustLikeHeaven]

The boo hoo comment was sarcasm at myself.

[ithaka]

Sorry OP, I cross posted with your last message. Well done on being strong enough to reflect and learn and good luck.

[Lweji]

It may be a good idea to address your anxiety and find other coping strategies. Take a look at cognitive behavioural therapy if you think it is an issue. There are online resources that may help you, even if you don't go to counselling.
Using drink when you are feeling anxious can be a path to destructive behaviour.

[JustLikeHeaven]

Thank you. Seems my demons are not under control yet

[JeanSeberg]

You've done a really brave thing by facing up to this OP.

Good luck.

[ImperialBlether]

Having said all that, OP, there's nothing that gets people drinking more than feeling insecure with a man and going out with people who are hostile.

[WhateverTrevor83]

Hey OP. Get professional advice about it - don't let people who want to advise (with good intentions) label you as an alcoholic.
Good luck with everything :-)

Think people obviously has different attitudes towards alcohol and that's just down to personal preference and social life etc. I still think that getting a bit pissed on an empty stomach by accident and acting like a fool isn't as bad as a lot of you are making out. Each to their own I guess.

X

[WhateverTrevor83]

Annie love the playground/classroom analogy - I'll remember that. Yes, there is a difference between a d'party and the pub etc. I guess being a bit loud is better than chucking up or fighting etc. Could have been worse. Sounds like it's an early warning sign and DH was concerned. Still not sure the recording is ok though.

See you all at the queens garden party - I promise to behave haha x

[Stridence]

Trevor, with all due respect you, sound as though you have no concept of alcoholism or its destructive patterns of behaviour. The OP's husband has seen her through some alcohol issues twelve years ago and was so frightened by what he saw at the dinner party that he recorded her when they got home. This does not, to me, sound like the actions of a malicious twat. The OP is, herself, so concerned that she has posted here. Please don't minimise what is quite obviously a turning point in her twelve-year recovery (however you wish to view her alcohol issues).

[ImperialBlether]

True, Stridence, but his flirting with other women makes him sound like a twat.

[WhateverTrevor83]

Don't recall saying he was malicious (or a twat?) and it's great that OP has acknowledged that she's going to address her drinking/not drinking after what's happened.

Just because I'm not bandying around the word 'alcoholic' or judging her for getting drunk once in twelve years doesn't mean I'm not supportive! Ta.