husband recorded me when drunk

[JustLikeHeaven]

Husband recorded me on his phone when I was drunk and upset, crying etc. Just my voice, I didn't know he was doing it.

I don't get messy drunk anymore but I used to about ten years ago so it used to be an issue for us. I didn't eat enough and drank too much. . No excuse, I over did it. I behaved badly at a dinner party and embarrassed myself and him. Talking loudly and slurring and boring everyone. I feel stupid now. . They are not close friends. But I also feel betrayed by him. Do I deserve what I get for being a drunken idiot or was that really low. I don't know what he wants to do with the recording. . Just for me to hear how disgusting and scum baggy I am. . So he said. Haven't heard it. So now I am mortified by my own stupid carry on and sick to my stomach that he recorded me when I was upset. Tell me to get real

[JustLikeHeaven]

We talked

He is more annoyed with me because i didnt apologise first thing the next morning than for my actual behaviour at the dinner. Which of course he said he didn't like either but "we all #uck up". He said I was very confrontational and just bored everyone at the end. Cringing. I knew that but hearing it from him is awful.

He said he recorded me so I would hear how awful I sound when I am that drunk. I still don't like that he did that but understand why he did it. I haven't listened to it. It didn't come up and I didn't ask to listen to it. Cowardly I know.

Things are still frosty and of course I never want to see another drink again. Though know it's a Monday night and that feeling won't last. Seeing a professional will help. Good night.

Still embarrassed but I hope I will learn from this.

[HopeClearwater]

I took photographs of my alcoholic husband lying on the floor passed out. I wanted to show him what he was doing to himself with the drink. I also thought they might provide some evidence if I wanted to divorce him for unreasonable behaviour, and to prove to his disbelieving parents what a state he was in. See where I'm coming from, OP?

You should listen to that recording. You are in denial about your alcohol problem.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

You need to re-set, OP. At the moment, he's cross because you didn't apologise this morning - but you didn't feel you needed to, so didn't. You're now seeing things in a different way and feel differently. He needs to understand that you 'get it', you really do.

You said you would listen to the recording; do it. You know it's bad but you also know it's the last time that anybody will be able to witness this behaviour.

He's scared and concerned; look at it that did this from a position of caring and nothing else.

When will you book in with a professional do you think?

[aurynne]

"I don't think there are many of us who haven't made a tit out ourselves when drunk on occasion."

Wrong. Many, many people NEVER get so drunk that they make an arse of themselves and completely forget what happened afterwards. Please don't normalise losing control over alcohol. And if you are so embarrassed by listening to yourself... it is probably because you WERE embarrassing when it happened. A drunk person looks and acts disgusting.

The solution to not being recorded and "embarrassed" is not to get so drunk that you behave like a disgusting pig.

In this day and age where every person has a mobile phone with ability to record video and a Facebook account... would you rather it had been anyone else in the pub recording you and posting it online?

[AnyFucker]

OP, I think you are attempting to sweep things under the carpet

You have acknowledged some stuff, but not all of it

You sound a really nice person who has a drink problem. You may not wish to label it "alcoholism" but if your drinking is affecting your personal relationships, then you have a drinking problem.

I suspect that your resolve will weaken (again) because you haven't fully faced up to this, and shying away from the cringing you would inevitably do if you listen to yourself in the throes of stupid drunkenness is part of that < meant kindly >

[WhateverTrevor83]

Good luck with your appointment OP. Sorry I got so wound up but I have a massive problem with people on MN who are untrained dishing out advice on huge issues like alcohol and DV etc to people who feel like they don't have anywhere else to turn. That's not an attack on anyway else personally as all advice even though we can disagree at times - and all advice is well intentioned. But I really felt like you were being with hunted and written off as some kind of loony for what I understood to be a very rare occurrence.

Good that you discussed and while I still think recording is a violation of your privacy him expecting an apology is probably reasonable. Hope you can move forward and that your future evenings out with DH are places you a) want to go to and b) with people who don't make you feel uncomfortable.

Take it easy x

[AnyFucker]

"disgusting pig" is a tad overstated

[JustLikeHeaven]

Well I did not behave like a disgusting pig thanks very much

Seeing a counsellor on Thursday afternoon.
And I will listen to the recording.

[AnyFucker]

Good. Be brave x

[WhateverTrevor83]

Bloody phone - lol. I mean 'witch' hunted x

[aurynne]

Ok, I will replace "disgusting pig" with "a not very nice sight". However, before telling us how you did or did not behave, perhaps you should listen to yourself in the recording.

[JustLikeHeaven]

Any fucker. . I do have issues with alcohol. you are right. I thought I had things under control. . But it is an ongoing thing. My self esteem is not great. . And I just battered it even more with this behaviour.

WhateverTrevor. . . Thanks. I needed to hear some tough things but I agree that it's impossible to diagnose someone on a parenting forum. . For any issue. There were some very harsh things said but I can't post here and expect to just hear nice things that I want to hear. X

[AnyFucker]

Good luck x

Have you seen the "Brave Babes" thread ? I think those gals could be a fantastic support to you.

[WhateverTrevor83]

Absolutely - I think the outrage and holier than thou attitude started to annoy me but it wasn't my place to leap to your defence. Apologies.
I blame Katie Hopkins. Just watched two hours of her ranting on TV and she got me feeling all opinionated.

Night night chicas zzzzzz x

[AnyFucker]

Watching Katie Hopkins does no one any good

[sykadelic15]

JustLikeHeaven - I think you're upset, as I would be, for a couple of main reasons... you feel:

1. He recorded you to embarrass you; and
   
2. He said some really mean stuff about you.
   

The recording served its purpose... you are embarrassed. Rather than express to you how it made him feel while still showing that he loves you, he insulted you and degraded you. You behaved poorly, you admit that, but you still hope your loved one loves you anyway and accepts your apology (which I assumed was forthcoming).

You acknowledge you have a problem and that's great, but he isn't helping you want to get over that problem. He's making you more upset than he needed to.

Personally I think you need to see him delete the video (or send it to you THEN delete it) as a sign that he loves and respects you (rather than you feeling like he's holding it against you). I also think you BOTH need to acknowledge how disrespected the situation made/makes you feel. He felt bad and embarrassed by your behaviour. You feel bad/embarrassed not only by your behaviour, but by his holding the video against you and saying horrible things about you.

You need to get help (as you know) and so does he. Counselling to deal with his feelings on the matter and to learn better ways to deal with it that DON'T include degrading and insulting you.

[WhateverTrevor83]

LOL think KH is a pussy cat compared to some of the posters on Dragons Net (joke) xxx ;-)

[PositivelyOneDirection]

I have a simple question for op:

Have you listened to the recording?

If so, do you sound like a scum-bag?

Also, what was the gobby cow who was arguing with you, actually saying? And did your husband agree with your stance or hers?

[PositivelyOneDirection]

..and one last query: what other of your errant behaviours has your husband successfully controlled?

[AnyFucker]

Don't be silly, Trev, we are all lovely here

[PositivelyOneDirection]

It's illegal to record someone without their knowledge. You might not remember, but ask him: did he tell you that he was recording you?

[WhateverTrevor83]

AF do you work for Mumsnet - out of interest, not being off? X

[AnyFucker]

is that a serious question, Trev ?

[WhateverTrevor83]

Lol yeah! Wasn't sure if you're a monitor (making sure we're not all threatening each other etc haha) or similar.

[JustLikeHeaven]

Positivelyonedirection . . I am drained and going to bed now. I will reply tomorrow. . But I think most of your questions have already been addressed. Sure it's boring reading thorough 5 pages though. . But I don't understand why people comment when they haven't read the replies. I don't mean that in a bitchy way, I just don't understand it