Hi OP, hope you are still reading.
Been reading your thread, but got lost somewhere in the mud slinging, so hope I don't give you too much advise of what you already got. I assume you are looking for more damage control than anything at this stage. More like, "what would you do if you were in the same situation?"
- I would not tell my children. Don't know why so many people involve kids in this. This is an adult issue to be dealt with by adults. Your children have never seen you as a Sexual being and that should remain so for a long time. You are the mom who provides and cares, end of. Since you kept your affair under wraps for so long, it's unlikely they will hear it from someone else because it's not general knowledge. Why shatter that dream for them.
- I would not tell H either. Will talk about him later, but if he really has no knowledge of the issue, why shatter his view of you as the perfect wife? What he does not know won't hurt him. This will just pass as a phase in your life that may as well enhance your marriage if you let it.
- I would break it off with OM. Because he is a distraction to what bothers you about your marriage. You cannot see clearly what is going on with this third party involved. As Chapter3 said, what is it that he provided? Try to pinpoint it.
You are in love, so it will be hard to break it off, why don't you say you are breaking off for a long time, to come back together later instead of permanently breaking up , say 6 years (like the affair), and see what happens? That means that, in a few years you use the energy you used to hide your shenanigans to now concentrate on your marriage.
Could you make DH your illicit encounter? A dead giveaway, but how about you meet DH for a lunchtime shag when kids are at school? A meetup at the local, a lunchtime hotel meet up sometimes. You may decide to just hug and spoons instead of going the whole way at fist. I have a feeling he will not care about your giveaway at this point. Spontaneous dates etc. Most likely your affair will seem like a distant past that you wonder how it was.
Then I have a slight problem with everyone viewing you DH as the little, helpless victim in all this. It's been 6 years. Love is careless, there will have been some near misses there, like the feeling of communicating with your lover - stolen, awarkwark emails and txts, the need to see each other etc. In six years they should have happened, if you are so in love. Your DH and his W would have felt somekind of 'instinct', but may never have pursued it because for her, it would have been scary to divorce with young kids etc.
But your husband is the provider, from what I hear you are the housewife. For him, I see a lot of reasons which are :
a) He does not mind being cuckolded, but never told you and likes the situation of hidden.
b) He does not want to rock the boat of the family life as it all looks fine.
c) He actually has his own affair(s) to hide and this situation suits him just fine, only you did not see cause you were so pre-occupied with hiding your own things.
d) He really absolutely has no idea what is happening.
Everyone seems to assume D. Not that sure myself.
If 6 years down the line you are still pining after each other and if you then meet and things seem like you just left them where they were and continue like nothing ever happened? You are both toast.