In a long affair....please don't read if this will cause you upset/anger.

[alltoomuchnow]

Namechanged. I'm married with 2 children and I've been having an affair for over 6 years now. Something has literally "gone" in my mind and I can't take it any longer. I love OM very much but I know that we'll never be together. As time continues to go by I know that my feelings for him will get stronger. I need to end it all or accept that this is how it will be. I'm not asking for sympathy - I know I've done something very wrong and that I'll be hated on here. But I am human, I have feelings and I don't know how to cope any more. Has anyone been here and has felt this desperate....

You are all bonkers and I bet good women in real life. You wouldn't be here giving your time to help otherwise.

Hear hear Serena...

and for us all...

That is true. We will all be eating together by the end of the day. I have seen enough threads like this to predict it.

Is this STILL going on?

Look, I've a nice giant chocolate and numerous bottles of DH's finest to hand, let's stop with the handbags at dawn now and just accept that the OP has said she will end it.

How is none of our business really is it? Nor when.... or even if she really will go through with it?

Those of us who have been shat on from a great height by a man or men, are bruised and battered and HATE these threads so will almost certainly give the OW a verbal pasting.

Some will try to help, and some just want a bun fight.

MNHQ talk guidelines, as someone wisely said up thread, are pointless on threads like this. They will be ignored and eventually the thread (or posts galore) will be deleted.

I hope that the DH of the OP NEVER finds out, nor the wife of the MM.

So much damage, so much pain, rejection and hurt, all for a relationship that yes, did once start out as an affair, sex, a secret meeting of the sexual kind or two, but after 6 years it is now far from that.

Not all infidelities end with the children being hurt, but most do, as I have said before, there is a ripple effect that stems from the centre of the initial dropping of the stone into the pond.

If the OP came back and said it was over, she'd left MM, would anyone even believe her?

If she came back and said she was going to tell her MM after thinking long and hard would anyone believe that?

She said that she would NEVER tell him, her DH.

Thing is, if she carries on with the MM, the decision may well be taken out of her hands, which is her biggest fear IMO. She still loves the MM and her DH from what I can gather......

She has to decide, she came on here and asked what she did for a reason - she's no longer sure of her relationship with the MM. But why?

< sets off the fire extinguisher >

Yes, and you pop up all over the site with a sideswipe at regulars for no reason at all. Reported (again).

Mistressceedee... OP has repeatedly now stated that this is her first thread. You continue to accuse her of lying about that. This is a poster who has said she feels suicidal, presumably you don't know any diferent to that. Just what kind of human being are you?

If the OP is truly feeling suicidal about all of this, she has been given the resources to seek help and comfort up thread. I would not want anyone to take their life over a humungous fuck up as this.

The thing is that she got herself into this and now wants out, apparently.

How she achieves that is her business, not ours.

I hope that she DOES END THIS and soon.

But it's not an affair. It's a second life, a lie, to her children, her husband, her family and her husband's family. Her friends don't know, his friends may suspect as the details are sketchy at best as to what kind of social life they lead.

FOR YEARS! This isn't a skirt up over a car bonnet in the car park shag.............. this is PLANNED, CALCULATED, MEASURED, EVERY DETAIL IS HIDDEN BEHIND ANOTHER WALL................

His name will be female in her phone - no cause for concern, likewise with him.....

They go where they are known as a 'couple' but only to the two of them. Not local.

They miss events if they absolutely have to, school nativity, school summer fayre, Christmas raffle etc, all as it should be, it wouldn't surprise me if their children go or went to the same schools.............

It's all very close to home but far enough away to obscure the truth.

OP - if you're reading this, you have been unfaithful to a man you swore you would never betray, in your vows... your MM has done the same.

Now is the time to stop this or not, and release the people trapped in amongst the lies and leave. Get the hell out of dodge.

You asked for advice, you got shit loads, some you hated, some was abusive which you expected, and most of it makes sense.............

So, think long and hard about where you want the rest of your life to go and take the step. Grow the balls to do it and get the feck on with it.

If MM loved you as much as you wanted him to and vice versa, there would be no "We'd never leave our marriages for one another" would there?

So, get rid. And soon.

I am the OP (I had to name change again as I deregistere). And I haven't been posting here because I realise from what has been said that nothing I can will ever be accepted as even near satisfactory. Earlier on I replied to the very specific question of whether or not I was gong to end it with OM and my answer was and still remains a yes. I am not obliged to pour out every detail of how that is going to be done. And I have also made it implicitly clear that I am going to stay with my husband and family. I hope that is clear.

MistressDeeCee - this is NOT my second thread. Please can you just simply accept that? I am a first time poster on this relationships board and I resent the fact that you seem determined to be absolutely 100% certain that this is not the case. For what it's worth I have contacted mnhq and asked them to clarify that on my behalf - on this thread - but as of yet I have heard nothing back. I think you said a while back that I worked with OM - you are wrong, I don't work. I am fortunate in that I don't have to. No doubt I'll criticised for that. And if you want to know, OM lives a fair distance from me. If I saw him on a daily basis I doubt very much that our affair would still be undiscovered. Not probably what you want to hear but that's the way it is.

There's probably no point in me even bothering to try and get it through to you that I am a new poster. I was grateful, and I have said this on several occasions, for the good advice that has been given, even though I didn't ask for that. Of course I understand that some of it is harsh, I wouldn't expect otherwise. But this goading, sarcasm and incessant know it all attitude about me is too much. You don't know me, you can't say with any authority that I am the same poster as a previous poster. I don't know what issues you may have had with previous posters/threads but that has nothing to do with me.

I have been lucky enough to receive some extremely good advice and fir that I am thankful. What I did ask when I originally posted was whether anyone else had been here and had felt as desperate as I do. Is that not allowed? Yes, I have nobody to blame but myself for my choices and mistakes. But does that mean that I am not allowed to feel as I do.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe - I read the 1st thread. & the 2nd. Which is why I know its the same person. When you've done the same, then you can talk. You've not read the 1st thread so your talk is irrelevant. Mind you..you've got a nerve reporting anybody when you were yabbering on about people sniffing glue earlier and now asking what kind of human being people are? None of it has anything to do with OPs situation, you're just a feeble troublemaker. You don't really want to know who/how I am? Good, because you're of no interest to me whatsoever - you addressed me, which is why Im replying. I didn't address you and wouldn't even have coughed in your direction if you hadn't now tried to target me. Says it all really.

You've probably made 50 various reports to MNHQ. Good... for...you.

I'll live.

You assume too much mouseface....our lives are totally separate on many levels. I do not miss events, our children are not at the same school, never have been and never will be...you could not be more wrong in your confident assumptions of me. And just to add, his name is not saved under a female name. Please stop assuming you know me.

MistressDeCee, I haven't read the 1st or 2nd thread - in fact I don't even know what they are about. They were not made by me, would you please just accept that.

Yes, there must be someone else other than me having an affair and posting on mn.

Hello again, OP.

Why don't you just stop deregistering and then having to set up a new email address. It must be a complete PITA to do that.

OP And I have also made it implicitly clear that I am going to stay with my husband and family. I hope that is clear.

I hope that you do and that all the innocent parties will NEVER find out. NEVER. You are responsible for your action, as is he.

Do you think that he will let you go?

Because that is your next battle...

Have you told him?

But you have nothing to say about it, OP. All you do is post to tell people they are wrong. You have told us nothing, nor have you responded much to people's suggestions.

So just to clarify..... You aren't going to tell your husband???

Mouseface... I think there are some odd assumptions and a bit of dramatic licence in your post because we only know what OP's posted. OP will do what she wants to do and, as you rightly say, it's her business.

I believe sincerely that OP needs somebody to speak to in RL, somebody who will let her come to the conclusions she needs to arrive at, in non-rushed safety. Sadly, I don't think she has that. I absolutely agree with you that, in view of the timescale involved (6 years), it's much more than just a 'shag' and it is possibly isn't as easy to get over as a one-off or casual thing would be.

What's working in OP's favour (and neither thing is a compliment to the pair) that 1) they obviously both cover their tracks well and 2) they're both restrained enough not to let their partners find out. This gives them the time needed to really think about their exit from what is, essentially, a long term relationship.

It's very easy to say that OP should leave MM, I too think that she should, but unless that's a decision that she comes to herself, it's not going to happen. I think it will take counselling and I really, truly hope that OP goes down that route, whether it's with a professional or just somebody she feels comfortable with in RL.

She's in a horrid position - of her own making but NOT of her choosing. Nobody chooses the pain that this path inevitably leads to. It can be horribly addictive and to my mind is akin to the thrill of first-time drug-taking. If that weren't 'fun' to start with, people just wouldn't do it.

Why are you so sarcastic AF?

No need to set up a new email, just a new name.

I really don't know what else you (not specifically you AF) want me to say or do.

No rainbowsmiles, I am not. If you had read the thread you would see that I have already stated that.

I am not being sarcastic, OP.

It's called making a suggestion. You clearly want to talk (even though it's like extracting blood from a stone...) so why not stay in the same persona and, ya know, talk on an anonymous website ?

Nobody is out to get you

Mistress... You don't know. You're barely able to comprehend posts written on this thread. If you are so sure of your facts, why not report the whole thread to MNHQ.

For somebody who is so quick to label others as 'troublemakers', you seem very keen to keep posting on a thread where you dislike the premise of the OP and anybody who posts without giving her the 'slap' you seems to think she deserves. Which of us is the 'troublemaker'.

I've barely posted to you on this thread, or any other, but take caution in accusations of 'targeting' because if you accuse me of it, I'll take it up for you. I'm not putting up with your nonsense or anybody else's.

And if my tone still appears a little chippy it's because yours is positively dripping in defensiveness and paranoia (way out of proportion to the bashing you perceive yourself to have endured here)

You have tried from the beginning to direct the responses on this thread, and if you are the relationships board regular (at least in lurkdomery) you profess to be, you know that never works

Just talk ...isn't that you wanted in the first place ?

that what you wanted