In a long affair....please don't read if this will cause you upset/anger.

[alltoomuchnow]

Namechanged. I'm married with 2 children and I've been having an affair for over 6 years now. Something has literally "gone" in my mind and I can't take it any longer. I love OM very much but I know that we'll never be together. As time continues to go by I know that my feelings for him will get stronger. I need to end it all or accept that this is how it will be. I'm not asking for sympathy - I know I've done something very wrong and that I'll be hated on here. But I am human, I have feelings and I don't know how to cope any more. Has anyone been here and has felt this desperate....

You'll get used to it Trevor.

MN is full of surprises, don't take everything you read at face value and don't get emotionally invested in a thread/individual poster(s).

You've been here only a few days, trev

You will learn

Take it or leave it, but don't ever try to change it. That way madness lies.

Ha thanks you two - pair of cheeky chops ;-)

I'll probably leave (the Relationships page anyway) I can just about cope with the fact some men out there treat women like poo as though it's sport... but when women all start turning on eachother it makes me want to howl. I was having a snoop at first but when I saw some of the dodgy advice (people saying to just ignore texts to an OW etc...) and witch hunting I made the mistake of poking my nose in.

Good luck OP... I think.

You shouldn't leave. All views are just that views but trying to control other's responses is a no-no (and ultimately futile)

Trevor try to ignore posts that just spout nonsense and report the ones that are offensive.

Just give your advice/opinion and ignore anyone who gets a bit aerated at you. That's them getting too emotionally involved and they are best left to cool down a bit.

The majority of posters in relationships give fantastic support and advice, even when the poster isn't ready to hear it, and you can learn a lot yourself too.

Thanks - that helps :-)
Wasn't trying to control, just appeal! Ha.
I'm away to work x

Trev - stay! I enjoyed reading your posts :)

Plus if you are against women (or/and men) being shat on from a great height, then your support will be invaluable.

And I agree with AF as per, sycophant that I am , Take it or leave it, but don't ever try to change it. That way madness lies.

There are some song lyrics in there somewhere. You like song lyrics, trev.

Sorry to respond rather late to Constantly's proof of my 'nastiness'...I stand completely by what I said below. How can any adult think this constitutes nastiness?

It is exactly what I would say to a RL close friend, to metaphorically slap them round the face and try to pull them back into reality.

It's really important to remember the OP has not told anyone in RL so she has had no tough love, no perspective, no conversations about this except with OM!! She needs some perspective, she needs a reality check!

My post was:

Oh my God - you do know you will lose all respect and possibly contact from your teenage children if they ever find out you'd been living a lie for SIX YEARS.

Making a prick of their dad for SIX YEARS.

They will see you completely differently. Do you understand the gravity of that - for you? Let alone for them. Think I'm being dramatic? Trust me I'm not, I've been there as a kid.

You better pray with all your might they don't find out.

I've literally got chills thinking about if it were me...but it wouldn't be me because I could never do this to my husband and children.

Finish it now, you stupid stupid fool.*

As Fairenuff said:

*That's not bashing the OP, it's all true. She has been living a lie for six years. She is making a prick of their dad. She is behaving like a stupid fool and, tbh, I think even OP would agree with that.

OP asked for opinions and she got them. There is no way on earth she expected posters to be softly, softly with her. This is hard hitting stuff, what she is doing. It is heaping misery upon her and her family.*

I dunno did she ask for opinions or did she just want to get it off her chest?

She was depressed Sunday night because of a bereavement and it all suddenly got on top of her.

And at that time she felt suicidal with noone to talk to. A bunch of strangers on an internet thread is a good way of off loading.

It's not "tough love", it's bullying.

No. No, it's not bullying, Bonsoir. Not what I said, nor what I meant.

I think you and others have agendas, as I've said previously, if you see my post as as 'bullying' or 'nasty'.

Those agendas being issues with certain posters or issues with the subject matter in the OP in order to see it as bullying.

I think it's offensive to misuse the word bullying, but it's misused frequently on here and in RL by people who are being told what they don't want to here.

Real bullying ie victimising, gratuitous attacks is horrible.

My posts were neither attacking or gratuitious, they were said for a reason and to be of use to the OP.

I think OP is being an enormously selfish wife and parent and needs to stop her destructive behaviour before it destroys her life and the life of her family. She is a fool, a terrible fool.

I know someone who has been having an affair for over 10 years. I feel sorry for her DH but can't bring myself to tell him as a decade of his adult life has been a sham.

Yes it's bullying. You may think your victim "deserves" your cruel and vicious treatment and that excuses it. But it doesn't. It never does.

Rightio then. Am very very glad I live in my real world and not yours.

And I think that the bullies on this thread need their heads read. Would you say things that you have written here to people with other perceived failings? Does the fact that the OP does not live up to your personal moral standards justify victimising her when she is desperate and looking for ways to do better?

I have no agenda other than telling the OP she doesn't deserve to be bullied or victimised.

For christs sake bonsoir give your head a wobble... you've been bleeping on about this since Sunday. Take it to PM or something.

I wouldn't know who to PM. The people who are bullying the OP are all over this thread.

It's not bullying.

And bonsior, it seems you are more the bully here. You attack or single out other posters because you don't like or care for their opinions. I've seen it on this thread.

Also, you are not telling the OP she doesn't deserve to be bullied or victimized otherwise you would address your post to her instead of zoning in on a poster and accusing them of bullying.

Leave it be.

"And at that time she felt suicidal with noone to talk to. A bunch of strangers on an internet thread is a good way of off loading"

Most of the offloading was done by other posters on the OP unfortunately.

Course it wasn't bullying, that is only what other people who you don't agree with do.