In a long affair....please don't read if this will cause you upset/anger.

[alltoomuchnow]

Namechanged. I'm married with 2 children and I've been having an affair for over 6 years now. Something has literally "gone" in my mind and I can't take it any longer. I love OM very much but I know that we'll never be together. As time continues to go by I know that my feelings for him will get stronger. I need to end it all or accept that this is how it will be. I'm not asking for sympathy - I know I've done something very wrong and that I'll be hated on here. But I am human, I have feelings and I don't know how to cope any more. Has anyone been here and has felt this desperate....

She says she's not asking for sympathy, ok. She feels desperate. I get that, must be hideous to lie to everyone in your life for 6 years.

She doesn't seem to want to discuss a way to change it though...fair enough, totally her call.

It's 20 pages of us discussing affairs...again.

There isn't even a question or a plea for advice in the title of the thread.

I agree, it was to generate another thread to talk about affairs, and in particular, ones like she is having

I can't see how otherwise intelligent people can't see that < shrug >

I'm amazed that otherwise intelligent people can't read what it says in the first post.

'I don't know how to cope any more'.

'I need to end it all or accept this is how it will be'.

Seems like the start of a thread asking for help and ideas on whether to carry on or, if she ends it, how.

I still don't see 'all this nastiness'. There have been a couple of nasty remarks, mainly though it's been hard hitting opinion that is, believe or not, intended to be of use to the OP!

I and others have said: End the affair NOW. You are being a fool, you are blinded by lust love and can't see how much you stand to lose, you are being terribly unfair to your loved ones and putting their future happiness in serious jeopardy. How is that nasty for cripes sake?

And yes either it's what AF says and she doesn't want any advice, just endless musing on her romantic tragedy OR as Ob says she just can't hear or won't listen to the voices telling her the brutal truth.

then why didn't she engage with any of that ?

why won't she expand further on what she is going to do to "put things right" now the thread has calmed down somewhat, and ask for support with that ?

she knows her thread wouldn't be received well, so the negative responses would be hardly a surprise to her

Dunno. can't mind read.

Surely we aren't going to have debate now sans poster over why she did o rdidn't do x, y, z.

fear not, TCG, she will be back soon with another registration when she wants to take it all out on me (inexplicably) then we can ask her again

engage with a bully

Yes, I can see what she said in the op...it's just it hasn't really been gone into in any depth has it? She says she can't go on with the affair- but we haven't helped her to explore how that can be achieved. She (maybe for fear of outing ) hasn't explained how she wants to do this or asked anything more than surface suggestions. Not a criticism of her, just the thread.

Also- I agree with isitwrongtofancyharry... I just don't see the nastiness- yes, there's been a few but out of hundreds of posts this would be the norm on such a thread.

Its very sad that this thread has been used to absolutely batter someone who is so obviously in a bad place. She stated from the beginning that she was "desperate". Used the word "suicidally". That she "cant take it any longer", or "cope any more". She has also stated twice that she should "end it all".......Not end it, but end it all. I may be completely misreading the situation, I hope I am, but FGS show some compassion people.

Can we all stick to the talk guidelines please?

Threads like this make a complete mockery of your talk guidelines, MNHQ.

"Absolutely batter"...

Are you serious?!

I think the OP asked "Has anyone been here and has felt this desperate" because she was looking for people with similar experiences and maybe a tale of some sort of happy ending or a solution out of it.

I just don't think there is any magic wand that can change the options.

1. leave OM and never tell DH about this.
2. leave DH and run away with OM if he wants to
3. tell DH and face the music
4. leave both of them and have some time alone
5. stay as you are.

I know none of the options sound very good - but it's not a situation with an easy answer.

I think there are two threads here. The real one. And the fictional, invisible one that I can't actually see.

That's the only explanation I have for all the cries of OP being 'battered' and the 'nastiness'.

There are posters on here with some serious issues and an agenda re a particular poster.

Oh c'mon! Are you being serious?

I have a life outside of MN believe it or not so I can't be arsed to read through pages and pages in order to post the actual examples- but there are plenty.

Most - to summarise- are along the lines of what the OP has done to her DCs because of the affair, how they will or are suffering, how she cannot possibly love her DH, how she is living a lie, how she must leave her DH so he can find someone who loves him, how it will ALL come out in the end and then all hell will break loose......and more.....

none of these sound especially hurtful the way I've written them- but that is not how they were written. There was a lot of judging and emotional language, not to mention some downright nasty and spiteful remarks.

Try this one for size isitwrong

^Oh my God - you do know you will lose all respect and possibly contact from your teenage children if they ever find out you'd been living a lie for SIX YEARS.

Making a prick of their dad for SIX YEARS.

They will see you completely differently. Do you understand the gravity of that - for you? Let alone for them. Think I'm being dramatic? Trust me I'm not, I've been there as a kid.

You better pray with all your might they don't find out.

I've literally got chills thinking about if it were me...but it wouldn't be me because I could never do this to my husband and children.

Finish it now, you stupid stupid fool.^

I don't agree with someone being called a stupid fool.

The rest is something that could happen- also, I haven't read all the thread but I did read a post by the op saying that she absolutely cannot and will not tell her family, that it will be shattered...she felt very strongly about it. So perhaps that particular poster wasn't being nasty or dramatic?

But mamma- this is all conjecture!
Who's to know that the H in question is not the fool and the children might support their mum? It's so unknown.
Unfortunately the problem with 'advice' is that it usually comes from personal experiences or even prejudices- which is why counselling with someone who has no agenda and won't tell you a single thing about their own lives is better.

Of course- that is the nature of advice...and will be the same on every thread on mums net.

We don't know much about the h, or children, or set up in general because the op hasn't engaged much...which brings me back to the start of my point. I don't understand where this thread is going or what the op wants from it.

She had some good advice here.

Ps- it's a bit rich to suggest that maybe it's the h is a fool and the children might side with him against what the op herself has said...

I think you seem unable to understand what I'm saying mamma. You're taking the comment far too literally.

I'm saying he might be the biggest arse around and although this doesn't give the OP a reason to have an affair, you or I simply do not know how the children would react.

well if you don't understand where the thread is going why keep posting? it's only going where you and others want it to- which is ruminating about the content

By others you mean to include yourself...