Is it right for a married man to be texting another woman everyday, even if its all innocent and they are just friends. ??

[fruitandbarley]

And if not, why not?

She's someone he's met once and felt enough of a connection with to establish and escalate contact. That's not how friendships begin. That's how relationships begin.

Spot on.

OP - my personal experience - XH was texting his mate's wife all day every day, as soon as he left the house. Thousands of texts over a couple of months. He started to talk about her all the time, he became infatuated with her. He walked out on me with no warning. I didn't discover the texts until after he left though. When I confronted him he denied it, despite the phone bills proving otherwise.

His best mates marriage has since broken up and XH and his female "friend" are basically living together, although they are telling people that she is just lodging in the spare room .

She claimed that XH understood her like her own H didn't. XH claimed that they were just friends and she was supporting him because he was unhappy.

So sadly, in my experience, no, it is not right, can be very dangerous and in my case has led to the end of two marriages.

Your H appears to be open with you about the contact. That still doesn't make it ok though.

You know, if you don't stop this now, it will continue to bug you. His 'friendship' with this woman is already having a negative impact on your relationship.

I wouldn't allow another relationship to interfere with mine, no matter who that other person was, a male friend, his mother, his new female friend. The fact that it was impacting on my relationship would be enough for me to say it stops.

You do not have to allow yourself to be treated as second best. You are not second best. If he doesn't want you, fine, you can build your own life and eventually be with someone who loves and cherishes you and will protect that relationship and nurture it. Make him choose and see how important you are to him. Better to find out now than after months of heartache.

After a while, I bet he will say it was a silly infatuation and he is glad you saw sense and put a stop to it before he made a complete fool of himself.

I am a prolific texted I have a friend I've known since I was two I am deeply depressed as is he and he is signed off work sick we are both board so go through about 2000 texts to each other a month. We text everyday numerous times it's all very innocent just two lost souls who find it hard to get out of the house using each other for company.

However in your situation I would be dubious this is not a long term friend it's someone he has just met there are no extenuating circumstances and I wouldn't like it.

Thanks everybody. Lots to think about.

I'm not married but in a LTR; I have a whatsapp group with male friends we talk daily plus some texts too, it's innocent. But these are old friends... In your situ I would not be happy

It seems odd as he doesn't really know her. Like they are establishing a friendship via text. I don't know what it means and other people's experiences will be too varied to provide a benchmark. Do you feel you could tell him that it makes you feel anxious and uncomfortable?

You might want to head over to active where DrNick is currently pondering whether or not she IBU to think that men should ever be allowed to text women on the back of this thread

I saw that thread. All very funny, but a bit mean on the back of this one.

Yep, agree

Yeah saw that. Quite upset me since not what I posted. He texts women friends all the time, this was slightly different hence my post.

In fact to save them all heading over here taking the piss do you think mnhq would delete?

I think it was aimed at another thread in particular.

Just ignore op.

OP, just ignore that thread. It is completely childish and they obviously have not read your OP properly!
I don't think anybody is saying that it's is not ok for a man to have a female friend, but what you describe is not comparable to two longterm mates having a chat.

Nasty cliquey twunts tbh.

Nothing to do with your situation OP. They are just messing about but it's not funny when some of these 'friendships' turn into more. Ignore that and concentrate on what's really happening.

I don't think it's about this thread; there's another on AIBU where the OP's upset about a single text from a colleague which may or may not cross the line - impossible to know, as not enough info, but on the face of it I can't see any reason to mind that one. I wouldn't with DH, and in fact haven't.

Your situation is very different, and I don't think you are being in any way overanxious. I think it's appropriate vigilence, actually. He isn't boundarying your marriage properly, in context.

That threads been deleted , take no notice.

Perfectstorm put it well re: boundaries in marriage.

Personally for me, old friend = fine, new friend = alarm bells. There will be exceptions and its not a hard and fast rule. But I just think its on the dodgey side, sorry.

I wouldn't be cool with it, you don't talk about your dc's all day to friends each and every day do you ? (Assuming this is what they said.)

I don't text anyone other than DH on a daily basis, and I would struggle to see why he would have to speak to another woman every day.

I trust mine too, however that would have me raising an eye brow.

Here's the thing. Texting daily, especially throughout the day creates an emotional bond, and a can get out of hand (e.g., late night texting, a celebration of closeness), and an emotional dependency. I say it is a big no no for two people married to others.

All of my DH's friends are women! If he couldn't text or message them he would be cut off from his entire social network!

Gah! Just realised that this is a zombie thread!

ZOMBIE
ZOMBIE
ZOMBIE
ZOMBIE
ZOMBIE