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Original poster

Is it right for a married man to be texting another woman everyday, even if its all innocent and they are just friends. ??

123 replies

fruitandbarley · 14/02/2014 17:16

And if not, why not?

OP posts:
Original poster
fruitandbarley · 14/02/2014 18:31

Yes. Saw messages, was boring innocent work stuff.

OP posts:
Original poster
fruitandbarley · 14/02/2014 18:32

Met January, sort of through work but they don't actually work together.
Only met in person once and that was work related.

OP posts:
maggiemight · 14/02/2014 18:32

Don't know men who would text every day - ime they text when they have something to say or arrange which isn't daily.

Also does he text every day (ie one text every day) or text every day (dozens of texts every day)...do you know?

hamptoncourt · 14/02/2014 18:33

Yes. Because you are an emotionally vulnerable new mum. Because he should care enough about your feelings to prioritise them above some woman who he allegedly feels nothing above passing friendship for.

You aren't saying he isn't allowed to ever talk to another woman again, just that you are uncomfortable with him having a woman he has this level of contact with. I have male friends and I go out drinking with them. None of them texts me every day and if they did I would think they fancied me/wanted more. To be honest if they were married I would be actively discouraging that level of contact.

You still haven't said if you have seen the texts OP.

kaizen · 14/02/2014 18:34

If he's just met her then it's dodgy. I got into a EA via texting new 'friend'. Trust your gut.

Original poster
fruitandbarley · 14/02/2014 18:34

It's a few each day. When on coffee breaks. I did ask him to scale it back a bit and he's said he has.

OP posts:
Thebluedog · 14/02/2014 18:34

My DH has a female friend he talks to/texts must days. So I'd say it's fine.
The only time I'd find it not acceptable was if he tried to hide it, or lied about it

maggiemight · 14/02/2014 18:35

but I don't think there's anything wrong with our relationship

more important probably is what her present relationships are like.

hamptoncourt · 14/02/2014 18:35

X post.

So he only ever met her once and now they are texting every day?

Er, why?

AnyFucker · 14/02/2014 18:37

There doesn't have to be anything wrong with your relationship for him to look for a buzz outside of it

MissScatterbrain · 14/02/2014 18:38

You both might want to discuss boundaries and this link should help with this.

Fairenuff · 14/02/2014 18:39

Okay, so not some best friend, old school chum, long time mate. Someone he has only just met?

And he feels the need to text her every day. No wonder your senses are tingling.

It sounds like he is smitten with her.

Original poster
fruitandbarley · 14/02/2014 18:40

He says they've got things in common (sci-fi, computer stuff) and she easy to talk to.

I think if it was only her he texted everyday I wouldn't be wondering, I'd be packing bags, but because its not that's what's left me confused.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 14/02/2014 18:41

She isn't a lifelong friend he has a lot of history with

She is a woman he has met recently

Alarm bells ringing, but I think you are determined to not listen

Your choice

AnyFucker · 14/02/2014 18:43

I suggest you buy the book "not just friends" and both of you read it

Original poster
fruitandbarley · 14/02/2014 18:43

Thanks missscatterbrain, I have already sent him that and he read it and said that wasn't what was happening.

OP posts:
Sheldonswhiteboard · 14/02/2014 18:44

I don't there is anything wrong with this. It's a bit sad if someone can't have a text conversation even if it is every day with someone of the opposite sex. I have a couple of male friends with whom I exchanged texts and emails on a regular basis, joking about work stuff, what we are up to etc. I also go to coffee pretty much every day with one of them. There is no emotional attachment beyond being friends, I'd be pissed off if my DP told me to stop.

Ragwort · 14/02/2014 18:48

I dont think for one minute he'd ever have an affair.

I wonder how many of us have also thought exactly the same thing Sad.

It doesn't sound appropriate at all.

badbaldingballerina123 · 14/02/2014 18:49

I agree with anyfucker.

They've met once, there was no friendship or relationship at that point. They are cultivating one with all this texting . How did they end up with
each other's phone numbers ?

I don't think it matters how many people say they text their male friend
Everyday , I personally think it's over the line and if it makes you uncomfortable he should stop .

He texts because he's thinking of her , which appears to be far too much .

Original poster
fruitandbarley · 14/02/2014 18:49

AF, I am listening, believe me I thought very hard before posting on here, but what was you expecting me to say within the first few replies, that Its obviously dodgy and ill ask him to never speak to her again.
And again, if he's doing nothing wrong would that be fair?
I am reading and listening, please don't think otherwise.

OP posts:
wonkylegs · 14/02/2014 18:50

My DH isn't a prolific texter (although he tweets loads) so it would be a weird change of habit. BUT his regular interactions with women don't bother me which is probably good because I'd be a massive hypocrite. I do txt various blokes loads & they text back. I work in construction and have a lot of close male friends. DH only gets annoyed when the guy I mentor txts in the middle of the night (he studies late into the night & often thinks of questions then) & I've forgotten to put it on silent.

badbaldingballerina123 · 14/02/2014 18:51

Would he mind if you started texting a man you barely knew because he's easy to talk to ?

MandyMe · 14/02/2014 18:51

This doesn't seem appropriate and it sounds like he has a crush on her. He has met her once and exchanged phone numbers. He must like the look of her or something like that. She must know he is married. They both seem to be getting something out of this. You have only possibly seen a sample of the texts they send. She is filling some gap that you don't fulfil which I think is wrong and is playing with fire.

maggiemight · 14/02/2014 18:52

He says they've got things in common (sci-fi, computer stuff) and she easy to talk to

I thought they were only texting work stuff??

poorincashrichinlove · 14/02/2014 18:53

A long time ago my DH was doing this for a while with a lesbian friend he'd reconnected with. I found it a bit much & told him so after a while. I got the shock of my life when I wss showing pics of DD on his phone to my DM and scrolled a lingerie pic of his very attractive (and just his 'type') lesbian friend. Wanker. She was prick teasing I think and he wss a prick. Not saying your DH is the same, but I never would have thought it of mine. We got over it and they're no longer in contact.