Husband wants to leave, my world has ended

[Despair9]

I've never posted before so please bear with me.
I've read some other posts and there seems to be lots of good advice and I didn't know where else to turn.

So 12 days ago my DH tells me he doesn't love me anymore and wants to end our marriage. We have been married 10 years, have a DD 9 years old. We both work full time so life is a struggle and we haven't put as much into our marriage as we should, I will admit that. But I am absolutely floored by his announcement, my DD has no idea, to her we're a loving wonderful secure family. I haven't eaten, hardly slept, I don't know how I'm functioning at work. Every time I try to comprehend what he's said to me my head goes into a wild spin and I can't breathe. I've no more tears left inside me. I begged and pleaded with him, then read advice on line which says that's the worse thing to do. I really don't think I can go on.
How can he not even want to try to put things right? He says he won't do counselling, that there is no point as he has no feelings left.
I am so desperate. This never, ever was anything I envisaged happening.
He's told his best friend and then last night tells me he's told his mother. I'm so frightened, but I need to remain strong for our DD.
I just don't think I can cope.

Serena I'm sure the OP is really sorry she's not being jolly enough for you

As for the PiL supporting their DS...that's what usually happens, sooner or later. Parents side with their own child, no matter how distasteful that child's actions are. So if you're expecting them to take your moral high ground, you'll probably have a long wait.

OP, i think some of these suggestions are ood about maybe taking your mom or a friend instead of your excuse for a man of a STBXH

De lurking to say I think you're doing great op. very early days.

I do think the idea that your h would go on the holiday is absolutely ridiculous. What kind if a bloke is he?? He should be bowing out, he should be explaining to dd why he can't go and should be doing everything in his powers to make her feel positive about it.

To be honest- you might be better off writing the whole trip off. It's going to be so hard for you knowing what type of hol it should have been.

Dd will be disappointed but she'll survive. You can book another trip just you and her.

Do whatever makes you feel ok...

@"Bit out of practice". The last thing I would expect is "jolly". having been through it, I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
If you read despair's opening post and a couple after, she had more fight then. Now, it's like she is giving up. I was hoping to stir something, even anger at me, because anyone having been through this knows that if you roll over, you'll be trodden on.

We don't know whether the holiday is transferable or anything else so how can we help?
@Despair. Have a word on the holiday section over at MSE, they are very good.

Sorry to say, but I don't like the in laws part in the holiday plans. Why haven't they butted out?
Some say it's natural to side with their son. I would remain neutral and bow out completely from the holiday if it was my child.
I too" Lavender", would offer my place to despair's own parents.

It is also confusing the nine year olds mind as to whether mummy and daddy are apart or together. It may even give her false hope if she knows, and from my own experience she will know.

If the holiday goes ahead minus mum, I would tell daughter what is happening. (I would expect a cash deposit to cover a holiday for me and my girl in lieu.) Let them go to Disney and you get working on the divorce in his absence.
A petition on the mat on his return will shock him and empower you.

You don't need a solicitor for that. £400 and a simple form.
He will either come home crying, or sign it, at least you'll know.

The grandparents have paid towards the holiday, haven't they Serena? It's their holiday with their grandchild as much as anything else (probably more than anything else). If I were them, I'd tell you to go whistle for your payment.

Well if you've been through it Serena (as have I) you will know that some days you have bags of fight. Some days you want to curl up under the duvet. Descriving the OP as "like dragging a dead horse" was neither a constructive or kind way to "inject some enthusiasm" into the OP

Anyway, neither is bickering a help is it?

Hope you're OK OP x

I'm honestly sorry you've been there, Serena, but the reality is that nobody else will ever be exactly where you are, were and have been, and they need to be supported in finding their own path through this - not vindicating anyone else's choices or failures or successes. OP has to do and respond in a way that makes sense to her, and frustration because it may not make sense to you is neither kind nor helpful, in my honest opinion. There is no one perfect road in anyone's life, least of all that directed by someone else - let alone someone only reading words on a screen,which at best offer snippets of a complex reality.

OP, I hope you are doing okay today. Hang on in there, and try to eat and rest when you can.

Not sure what the removed post was about Op, but hoping you're ok & able to stay as strong as possible & getting things sorted.

Just been reading this thread. It sounds very much like the same situation I have found myself in. Just wondering how everything worked out for everyone? X

ZOMBIE THREAD.

I never really post things on here but I'm at a loss and in despair I don't know what to do or say. My husband has out of the blue decided he doesn't love me anymore and he is considering leaving. This came out of the blue as three days ago he was telling me how he adores and worships me. After a night of heart to heart it all came out that a while ago he got into a spot of bother and some travellers bailed him out and they are now calling in the debt so to speak. This debt is dangerous and I think he is scared for us and our safety. We have three children and I stopped work recently because our daughter got ill. I just don't know what to do he has gone from the most beautiful caring attentive husband to one that says he feels numb and pressured and needs to sort his sh@£t out. I'm scared I'm so in love with this man it's unbelievable can't eat can't sleep keep crying. What can I do please help

Looloo this is an old thread hon.
Why not start your own as people will be happy to help .

How have you been since?

I'm in a similar position. How have you been since?