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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

can't believe this - so upset

184 replies

bouncybabe · 05/08/2006 17:38

just got home to find ds asleep in living room with back door wide open. dh upstairs - would never have known if someone had crept in or even if a cat had got in. can't believe he could be so careless and stupid - feel like exploding - i'm so upset and angry. Am i overreacting

OP posts:
Original poster
bouncybabe · 06/08/2006 18:42

p&s - do you mind me asking what AD's you took?I've been prescribed citalopram and am scared of the side effects, particularly putting on weigh and also are they very hard to come off. took seroxat years ago and that was hell to come off and put on loads of weight

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Original poster
bouncybabe · 06/08/2006 18:43

thechildslave - apology acccepted. it's interesting you say you used to go on and on at your dh -did he used to get angry with you too?How did you stop?

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looneytune · 06/08/2006 18:48

pinkandsparkly's post reminds me of me when I had PND. Been depressed before and that was different but for me with the pnd, I felt I was going completely mad inside. It tooks months for it all to come out when I lost it with my family. I was prescribed Fluoxetine and I ended up with terrible tense jaw giving me jaw ache (a VERY rare side effect I was told). Luckily I have a lovely lady locally who'd recently done my tarot cards (lot of con artists out there but this one is fab) and suggested I had my chakra's rebalanced. Hadn't heard of this, it's like reiki healing, anyway I had it and stopped AD's straight away and within 48 hours I was a TOTALLY different person. She saved me!!! Anyway, not saying this is for everyone and not saying not to take AD's, just telling you my story!

Please make sure you get some help!

Lemmingswife · 06/08/2006 18:54

I took citalopram when I had PND & they certainly didn't cause any weight gain. Infact I have never heard of that being one of the symptoms. The only symptoms I experienced were slight nausia at the beginning & I yawned more!
They helped me through a difficult period, & I had no trouble coming off them when things were better. HTH.

WigWamBam · 06/08/2006 19:21

One of the side effects of SSRIs can be changes in appetite - so yes, there's a slight possibility that it might affect your weight (and it could be downwards, rather than up). But then again, not everyone who takes ads gets all of the side-effects ... and won't it be worth it to get this anxiety and irrational behaviour under control? If it helps you to get better, even adding a few pounds is surely something you can deal with?

Citalopram is not addictive, GPs like it because it's the easiest tolerated of all the SSRIs (so side effects are less than many others) - and even if you do get side-effects they usually only last for a few days. Long-term side effects aren't common, and it's easy to come off, as long as you reduce the dose over a few days.

They can take a couple of weeks before you feel any real improvement, but if you don't think they're working the GP can alter the dose or change your medication until you find something that suits you. You have nothing to lose by trying them, and everything to gain if they work.

Meanwhile, let your poor bloody dh off the hook now!

thechildsslave · 06/08/2006 20:01

me again . Hi . i stopped because I decided I didnt want my son growing up in that enviroment ,I had choices .It did take a long time and sometimes I still slip up ,but to be honest it didnt matter who is wrong and who is right ( me 99% of the time ) a better home life was at stake .I dont have to prove I am right now because I know I am so it dosnt matter . (seriously) .We have been together 17 years this September we are not loves young dream but we are friends and get along ok .

pinkandsparkly · 06/08/2006 20:44

I took citalopram which didn't work for me so I was changed to fluoxetine which was the right one for me coz it worked. I didn't notice any weight gain, most noticable thing was a dodgy tummy in the mornings. Small price to pay for getting better. They weren't hard to come off either. It's taken me a while to get where I am today but I am soooooo much better than even this time last year.

Original poster
bouncybabe · 07/08/2006 10:37

just at a loss over what to do now regarding the AD's. part of me says "try them and see if it makes any difference" and the other part says"you're not actually feeling low most of the time, you just over over the top when things go wrong and then can't let them go, so i should be able to sort myself out without eh pills" One of the things that scares me about them is how can yo come off them - if they make you feel better then surely when you stop, you'll just feel the same as you did before? I'll feel like a failire for not dealing with it myself

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colditz · 07/08/2006 10:41

BB it doesn't wok like that.
they sort out the chemistry in your brain, put it back to normal, and when you have been on them long enough, it stays normal when you come off them.

they will improve your quality of life and by the sound of it they will improve your husband's too.

I understand why you reacted the way you did, but you need to say to yourself out loud "LEAVE IT NOW"

You've had your say, try not to rehash because you're cross, i know it is hard sometimes.

try the AD's. They literally saved my (and my partner's) life.

Original poster
bouncybabe · 07/08/2006 11:00

Keep thinking now (and this is probably silly) that it's ds who eeds the help not me. If he didn't get so angry with me then i would feel so bad. if he could be more patient with me and not make excuses (the back door thing, first of all when i told him it was open, he tried to make out he's hear someone come in - no way he would have done, and certainly would have heard a cat!). He apologised later for that saying he was being defensive. He is patient with me sometimes but when i keep going and going, he sometime loses hios temper and rants at me

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FanjoFanjoWhosGotTheFanjo · 07/08/2006 11:05

But strangers don't sneak into people's houses and steal babies. Cats don't sneak into people's houses and hurt babies. (We have two cats.)

And realistically, your DH isn't going to do things exactly the way you would do them. He isn't. And that's one of the things new parents have to get used to, in my opinion.

suejonez · 07/08/2006 11:08

if you really think its him who has the problem then give HIM your AD's.

Personally, reading your earlier post "i managed to say sorry for waking him up, etc and he came over and gave me a hug and said he was sorry for shouting. but then i got annoyed because there now isn't time to do what we'd planned to do today and so we're almost back to square 1. what now? ", I had every sympathy with him - I would have strangled you!

If he is patient with you sometimes then I would say that he is trying and succeeding to keep his temper some/most of the time. What are YOU doing to help the situation?

Original poster
bouncybabe · 07/08/2006 11:10

I know he won't always do things the way i would do them - generally i can deal with that except when i feel he's put ds at risk. Just wish i knew what to do

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thechildsslave · 07/08/2006 11:11

BB just let it go . You are not helping yourself at all . We all have to except that OH wont do things as well as us . (I think we like it this way as to prove we are a better parent ) Just take the pills and see if they work .

Original poster
bouncybabe · 07/08/2006 11:12

Suejonez, no i don't thin he needs the AD's - it just worries me how angry he can get, especially when he knws ds can hear. you're right he does try, but i can't cope when he loses his temper

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suejonez · 07/08/2006 11:17

if you can't cope (with him shouting, with tiny possible risks to the baby) then you are depressed - take the tablets. Shall I say that again? TAKE THE TABLETS!

Baby will not dissolve at hearing some shouting - you however are dissolving - TAKE THE TABLETS.

Run out of suggestions apart from that really

thechildsslave · 07/08/2006 11:37

He wouldnt shout if you didnt piss him of . Take the tablets .

Original poster
bouncybabe · 07/08/2006 12:08

Thanks, i know you're right - he rarely gets really angry unless i keep on at him. taken a tablet and made drs appt

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thechildsslave · 07/08/2006 12:10

Thank god for that I can stop worrying about you now .LOL

thechildsslave · 07/08/2006 12:11

ONly joking . They take a while to work so be patient and I hope it all works out for you . (I am sure it will )

suejonez · 07/08/2006 12:18

Good for you! As someone said earlier - there's no awards given out for doing wihout AD's if you need them (do you have teeth filled with no anaesthetic? Don't say yes you'll depress me!).

Hope it all goes well and hope the doctor can help too.

looneytune · 07/08/2006 12:30

Good for you! I really think that if your dh is normally really patient and just gets angry when you pick, pick, pick at him then I think YOU need to sort YOU out and see if that helps. I seem to remember you saying that you HIT him? I'm sure it's his getting angry and shouting that made you do that but then you have to remember he's angry and shouting because you kept on having a go. Is it ok for you to hit because he's shouting but not ok for him to shout because you're nagging him?

Sorry, just wanted to point that out!

I really hope you can sort this out. Life's hard enough without that sort of thing going on

Original poster
bouncybabe · 07/08/2006 13:08

it's funny you should point that our Looneytune - i was thinking about it this morning and about why i hit him and yes, it was because he was being so nasty and shouting/swearing, but then as you say he onl got like that because i kep waking him up & having a go at him. I would never have behave like that he he hadn't ranted and he would have ranted if i hadn't kept going on. I suppose i could say none of it would have happend it he hadn't left the door open, but then , that's silly because we'll bith make mistakes with ds (and other things) and i know i nedd to realise that the things he does to upset me aren't done with the intention of upsetting me - he can just be thoughtless sometimes

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Original poster
bouncybabe · 08/08/2006 08:52

In a state again as ds kept waking up last night.He has slept v well for the last few weeks and i'm sure it's because he heard the shouting a couple of days ago. I've convinced myself he's having nightmares about it

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Kathlean · 08/08/2006 09:11

OK there are lots of reasons why a 12 week old baby has a rough night. It could be the start of teething, hunger due to the start of a growing spurt anything really.

You really are hung up on this shouting aren't you. You need to get a grip. I think you are getting a bit irrational (spelling??) about this. Carry on taking the tablets and go and see the doctor as arranged.

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