Is it me or is this thread going round and round in cirlcles?
Bouncybabe, the more I read of your posts, the more I recognise the signs of anxiety and depression. I have been there, taken the tablets and come out the other side.
I agree that you need to get some perspective here, reading some of the other threads on relationships should help you to see that there are plenty of other people who are going through some very serious, life changing times.
However if you are suffering from depression it is like the real world doesn't quite register and you cannot escape the endless spiral your thoughts take you down, no matter how much you want to, or how absurd you suspect you may be behaving.
I really urge to go and have a chat with your gp and take your dh with you. Your emotional state does not give your dh a reason to rant and rave at you and he needs to realise that you having pnd-if you do have it- does not automaticly make everything your fault. You both have 'issues' (hate that word) that need resolving and once you are feeling more emotionally balanced you can then begin, together, to address what is really going on in your relationship.
There is fantastic support here on mn, wish I'd known about it when I was poorly. But the power to make that first step lies solely with you!
Take care, p&s