'D'P has stolen all the DC's money

[thatwasprettylow]

Namechanged for this - I'd appreciate some advice, please. I'll try not to dripfeed but it's a long story so I'll have to annotate.

Basically, DP has a long history of being utterly hopeless with money. He seems totally incapable of spending money on things like bills, and squanders it on I know not what, to the extent that I've wondered if he's got a gambling addiction or something that I don't know about. This hasn't been helped by the fact that his work over the last few years has been really erratic. We've been really struggling money-wise for a few years now.

Last week I went to the bank to pay in some money that the children were given for Christmas and DS's January birthday and was told that DS's account had been closed. I assumed that the bank had just screwed up somehow, as the DC's accounts are Trust accounts and are supposed to require 3 signatures (DP's mine and my DMum's) for any withdrawals. The woman from the bank poked about a bit and said she'd ring me back, but didn't, so I asked my DMum to pop in when she was passing and see if they had sorted it.

A few days later, last Thursday, 'D'P 'confessed' to me that he somehow linked his account online to the DS's account and has, over a period of time, drained DS's account and spent all the money (about 10k). The bank had contacted him and warned him that we were inquiring about it. I told him to leave the house and called the bank, who confirmed that he has also drained DD's account.

I can't believe he's done this - I have no idea what to say to him or to the DCs, who are still quite little (6 and 2). Apart from that, I need to sort out logistics, as DP usually does the childcare while I'm at work.

He has sent me a text saying 'please can we resolve this?', as if a quick chat will sort it out. I don't want to see him - I just don't think there's anything he can say to excuse this.

I'm pretty certain that whoever at the bank told him of their investigations (into what is a criminal offence) had themselves committed a crime - it's called "tipping off", it's in the anti-money laundering legislation, and it is punishable with (from memory) and unlimited fine and/or imprisonment.

Oh, and if I'm right then the bank itself has an obligation to report the theft to the police under the Proceeds Of Crime Act.

So many issues, quite quite baffling how low other people's morals will sink, and how far the family will go to cover it up.

And when you talk to the bank, do ask for the names of their Anti-Money Laundering Officer, and use the phrases Tipping Off and Proceeds Of Crime Act. They'll take you much more seriously, because it will force them to act in the interests of the law and not in their own interests.

If the bank accept responsibility and return the stolen money to the op, she will have to accept that any police involvement will be out with her control as she and her children are no longer the victims, the bank are. But that shouldn't stop you contacting them in the first instance.

Fraud cases like this can be complex. Gather everything you can lay your hands on to prove your income and spending. Don't close any accounts you have at the moment, but do change all your banking passwords.

It's so so important you get your credit rating checked. It's likely before he stooped so low as to steal from his own kids, he may have tried to get credit fraudulently in your name.

Please don't listen to your mum and report this. I totally understand this has come as a huge shock, and you head and heart will be in conflict, but you must set your children an example here. Sure as hell their father hasn't.

Deep breaths and take each hurdle as they come.

I really feel for you.

Good luck sorting this out

OP you should go to the police to rapport this You are in situation where you have proof of what your DP did

There are some people in more hopeless situation
I had friend who's exP borrowed hundreds of money from
She naively believed him till one day she realized he would never give her money back
She did something unforgivable she borrowed him even more money from their DC savings
When he told her laughing I'm not going to give you anything back she felt so ashamed and betrayed
he never paid her back
and unlike you she didn't have proof

Well if you and your mum do again you may as well give him all your's and your children money and stop moaning.

He has stolen from YOU, he has stolen from your children but you are more worried about it looks for you and HIM then you are about your children future.

I Hhope the bank takes it out of your hand and report him to the police as he is lying, cheating theif but thats ok because you love him.

it isn't your DM's decision to make. He stole from your children, not from her.

Please contact the police.

I don't think you can avoid the police. You need to protect your kids and also yourself. You know a crime was committed and that the criminal is likely to flee the country. You must tell the police or you are implicated in all of it.

Bear in mind that as trustees you and your mum have legal duties to the beneficiaries of the trust. By not doing everything you can to recover the money you might well be breaking the law. Your step father should be able to explain this to your mum.

Agree with Bruno . You need to cooperate fully with the bank's fraud department and report to police fi they won't. As to your xp , you need to distance yourself from him and any activities, make no attempt to "resolve" it or you will be embroiled in the mire . There is undoubtedly more underlying this and his past financial record - addiction , lies, alternative lifestyle, sorry . How long have you been together ?

It is rare I use bad language on MN, but here goes;

FUCK what people think.

FUCK saving face with family.

FUCK putting off going to the police. DO IT NOW.

OP, you have come to us for advice on what your devious twat of a "Husband" has done.

You are taking no notice of us, I think you had already made up your mind to sweep it under the rug.

What next OP? He manages to remortgage your house and you lose it?

Oh well, we don't want any trouble do we??

I'm leaving this thread. OP is just not having it

Poor kids, having the chance of a nice car/uni fund/ house deposit. :( :(

What next OP? He manages to remortgage your house and you lose it? do check he hasn't already :(

not to memtion how many loans / credit cards he could have taken out and will default on.

Please OP, this crime isn't against you. It's against your children and they have a chance of getting this back from the bank. He has stolen from you repeatedly. If you don't raise this with the police as make him pay the consequences, he will have shared custody and probably continue to steal from them for many years to come.

Wow! people! Can we put down the pitchforks. Op posted this at 9pm last night and you are wanting him carted off to jail immediately. It's not even been 12 hours yet! OP is conflicted, she has her mum in her ear, two children she needs to get emergency childcare for. Things that do need dealt with right now. Waiting a day or so to contact the police isn't going to make too much of a difference. (Yes I know he might skip the country, but there is little the police will be able to do to stop him anyway)

Can you just put yourself in the OPs shoes for a second. She is reeling here. All the angry faces and and swearing isn't really going to tempt the Op back looking for support, is it? And that's what she needs, support. Her relationship has also ended. That's big enough in itself.

And threatening to leave the thread?? Wtf is that all about, just go. Shouting and swearing isn't helping anyone here. (Unless it's the op shouting at Twatbadger)

Its not down to your mum whether you report it, and whether or not she can replace the money is irrelevant tbh, the bank need to explain why they allowed this to happen and as its theft the police need to be informed

If a stranger drained their accounts and stole that amount of money you'd do that, why should he get away with it when he's done worse

Just wanted to give the OP some support- i can see that its not as straight forward as just reporting him to the police- he may end up with a criminal record/prison etc which may hamper his relationship with the children and if he has no assets there's no advantage to doing this.
The children are already suffering because of what he's done - criminal charges may make it worse.
That said I don't the legal situation and your responsibilities as trustees.
I am also not sure (absent the money issue) what the OP's relationship was like

bloody hell. what kind of parent steals from their kids? i'm with going to the police. he's committed a crime no matter who he is. I can see the dilemma but he's going to keep on doing this you know. maybe not to you again since you're ltb, but to the next trusting person. what an arsehole.

It might be difficult for you to report to the Police OP, for whatever reason- but for the love of God, get this man out of your life. It seems he contributes very little other than stress- and to steal from his own children?

You deserve more- and your children certainly deserve much more.

My father stole from me when I was a teenager. By that time i'd been conditioned that we all had to keep him happy to avoid his temper, so even though my wages kept going missing I did nothing. It turned out later he'd found my hiding place (he wouldn't let us have bank accounts), and stole my wages from my saturday job every week.

I changed my hiding place, and managed to save £300 for going to university (this was a long time ago, so that was a huge amount), and then my mum died, and he told me he couldn't afford to pay for a headstone - so I gave him my savings. He spent very little of it on her headstone, and drank the rest.

Please protect your children from this man.

You need to go to the police op. This is disgusting behaviour, He is a their and a liar.

My exp was a gambler and he constantly stole from me. On one occasion when I was pregnant and ill he took my £250 maternity grant supposably to do a kind deed and get everything I needed for the baby to save me the stress, he blew the lot, this was 2 weeks before giving birth and I had nothing for the baby.

Please go to the police for your dc sake.

Op I'm so so sorry. This is dreadful. No going back is there. The relationship is dead now. I'd be devastated. Hope you are ok?

Contrary to everyone else I agree do not involved police. I can't see a point. That's revenge. Or at least seek legal advice off a solicitor, get knowledgeable first and get the evidence off the bank. You can always call the police later. Don't rush.

Also contrary to everyone else I think it's blooming easy to spend 10k on bugger all. Has he bought you any gifts? Only needs to be in Disney store a few times and that's a couple hundred. Few bottles champagne? Few new items of clothes? If you are not re topping up or not paying above the monthly rep (were it a card) and I'm afraid it's remarkably easy to over spend almost without noticing. I bet there's no one off item, just lots and lots of tiny ones. Extra supermarket trips, he tops up petrol and he just used this money. I wonder how people think credit debt is built up sometimes. It's really very easy although appreciate this time was cash.

I hope it all works out. Sending hugs x

*thief!