'D'P has stolen all the DC's money

[thatwasprettylow]

Namechanged for this - I'd appreciate some advice, please. I'll try not to dripfeed but it's a long story so I'll have to annotate.

Basically, DP has a long history of being utterly hopeless with money. He seems totally incapable of spending money on things like bills, and squanders it on I know not what, to the extent that I've wondered if he's got a gambling addiction or something that I don't know about. This hasn't been helped by the fact that his work over the last few years has been really erratic. We've been really struggling money-wise for a few years now.

Last week I went to the bank to pay in some money that the children were given for Christmas and DS's January birthday and was told that DS's account had been closed. I assumed that the bank had just screwed up somehow, as the DC's accounts are Trust accounts and are supposed to require 3 signatures (DP's mine and my DMum's) for any withdrawals. The woman from the bank poked about a bit and said she'd ring me back, but didn't, so I asked my DMum to pop in when she was passing and see if they had sorted it.

A few days later, last Thursday, 'D'P 'confessed' to me that he somehow linked his account online to the DS's account and has, over a period of time, drained DS's account and spent all the money (about 10k). The bank had contacted him and warned him that we were inquiring about it. I told him to leave the house and called the bank, who confirmed that he has also drained DD's account.

I can't believe he's done this - I have no idea what to say to him or to the DCs, who are still quite little (6 and 2). Apart from that, I need to sort out logistics, as DP usually does the childcare while I'm at work.

He has sent me a text saying 'please can we resolve this?', as if a quick chat will sort it out. I don't want to see him - I just don't think there's anything he can say to excuse this.

I don't know how it happened exactly, but he did it all online by transferring the money to his own account (clearly that should NOT have been able to happen and the bank have screwed up somewhere along the line, unless he forged something?).

He says he spent it all on us, but we just don't spend that kind of money. I don't know the exact amoutn yet, but it is A LOT of money, probably 15k from the 2 accounts, which is a good chunk of my annual salary. I own our house outright so no rent, normal bills, haven't had so much as a weekend away in nearly 2 years, definitely no holidays, new cars etc. Money is tight (or at least, it is for me and the DC ). I work 2 jobs to cover our expenses.

I've been wracking my brains to think what he could be spending it on that is so well hidden...

Fucking hell. Call the police. That's disgusting.

Are they his DCs?

Have you ever run a credit report? If he's been stealing on such a grand scale behind your back you may find you personally owe money to places you've never heard of

It has to be gambling. I just can't come up with anything else.

Bloody hell - I can't being to imagine how you're feeling. I'm really sorry.

thatwasprettylow what are you going to do now?

I'd report him to the police, and the bank to the regulatory body.

There's no way back for a relationship from this- stealing from children is despicable.

I agree with calling the police.

How much in total? 2 lots of money.... Er, on what?

You have a huge problem here with behavior that is very deceitful. Have you thought about what you are going to do in terms of your relationship? I would be coming down hard on the bank and contacting the police.

Are you and DP together OP? How did you manage to get passed the previous theft of your money?

I would hear him out, as I would want an explanation and would demand to know what he has spent this money on and if there was any amount that could be recovered, ie if he bought something he could sell for example. Then I would call the police, a serious crime has been committed against your DC and the bank may have some liability. This isn't something that I would try to resolve writhing the family - it's gone WAY beyond that.

Forget him for the moment.

This is fraud. The bank have really messed up here:

• three signatories should have been needed, yet the accounts have been cleaned out effortlessly by one person. Their fault.

• how was he able to link accounts supposedly needing additional signatories to his own and access the money that way - this appears to be a massive loophole - again, the bank's fault.

• WHY on earth did they call him and tell him the situation was being investigated?!?! In this case it wouldn't have and didn't make much difference, but I am astonished that that would be anything but a huge breach of procedure- imagine a different scenario and a criminal case being ruined because the bank tipped off a fraudster. Again, utterly negligent.

I would be going in tomorrow and demanding a meeting with the manager where I would summarise these points, make it crystal clear that I expected every penny of the money back from them and that I considered them utterly negligent, and that I would be taking immediate advice from the police and a solicitor.

Your P? No words, really. I am very sorry and I hope that you have good support. I wonder what he imagined happening - he would have known the game would be up within a short space of time. His reaction seems to indicate that he was assuming you'd just forgive him. That keeping his head down and suffering through a few rants was worth it for the cash (fuck the kids' futures, obv, that bit isn't important!)

I hope you dump him like shit off a shovel.

You need the police & then the bank need to be paying it back. If it needed 3 signatures & he bypassed that they should have spotted it and stopped him.

Oh no. :(

Gambling was my first thought as well, I have to say.

Only other things I can think of would be drugs, historical debt, or an OW he is funding. Sorry to say that bluntly, but that's what sprung to mind.

I too would report to the police and be asking serious questions of the bank.

I agree with Hassled. Smacks of gambling.

£15k would give you some nice holidays or a nice car or home improvements yet you are working two jobs with non of the aforementioned.

I am fuming on your behalf.

I would call the police. And I would never trust him again.

10k!!!

Sounds like there is some kind of addiction going on. My ex has money problems and is a compulsive liar, he took £12K from our mortgage that we had agreed to use to pay off his loan and used it instead to fund his lifestyle.

I was able to transfer the balance of my DCs bank account into another account with just one signature and then close the existing account, can't remember if it required more to withdraw money. Oddly though I wasn't allowed a new passbook for the original account without ex's signature. After many requests to get his signature I discovered I could just change to a new account. I wasn't stealing the money, just needed to be able to manage it for DS without needing the signature of someone who refused to cooperate.

I was also able to close our joint account on my own (after withdrawing all the money, I put it in after all).

Crap. Hadn't even thought about my other accounts. We don't have any joint accounts but he could find out my online password. Going to change everything now.

Yes he is the DCs father and we have lived together for nearly 8 years. He stole several thousand off me years ago (I gave it to him to buy me a secondhand car and he spent it on himself). I've never trusted him with money again, which is why I set up the DCs accounts to need 3 signatures.

I set my dc accounts up and they are linked online to me and I can transfer money in and out at will.

Who set up the accounts? Can you see when you log in online? You need to see if you have the original letter from the bank confirming the accounts and the method of withdrawal. Or how you are sure its signatures etc.

And also, I would tell the police, and report to financial regulators. Don't wait for the bank to investigate. They will want you to, of course.

Go through all your stuff, change passwords, change the wifi password, and always do full login online to banks, no saved info etc.

And make sure he isn't linked to you with experian.

What a nightmare:(

Open another account at a different bank for your dc. And don't mention or name your dp.

Thank god you own the house outright and you're not married. Call the Police and dump him as soon as you can.

Oh, and you NEED to run a credit check on yourself and the house. Urgently. And look into all financial matters and make sure as much as you can that you're financially separate from him.

There's a good chance he may have remortgaged the house.

God I hope you dump him, because with children this young to take care of, a fraudster of this calibre will eventually see you bankrupt and homeless. Protect your children and get shot of him!

You need to contact

1 the police to report this theft

2 the financial ombudsman to report the bank's part in facilitating this theft

The financial ombudman's office is really great. It might take a while, but if things are as you say and the bank fucked up, then the bank will have to pay back the money they allowed to be stolen from your children.

Whether the bank can recoup that from the thieving bastard who stole it is the bank's problem.

It's not just your other accounts. He could have taken out loans, credit cards, HP and all kinds of other debt using your name. He's a thief, it's what they do.

He is spending it on himself.

Call the police.

He's stolen from you before. Bet if you open a fraud case you may find he has taken loans out and possibly worse.

Don't reply to his text.

He's not 'hopeless' with money, quite the contrary, he's very clever, at stealing it.

Your partner is a thief.

Fucking hell. He must have forged signatures? The bank are in the shit and he is utter scum. You will be WELL RID of him. You have your shut together, don't let him drag you under and I agree with others who say get an experian report to check there aren't any loans or credit cards in your name.