'D'P has stolen all the DC's money

[thatwasprettylow]

Namechanged for this - I'd appreciate some advice, please. I'll try not to dripfeed but it's a long story so I'll have to annotate.

Basically, DP has a long history of being utterly hopeless with money. He seems totally incapable of spending money on things like bills, and squanders it on I know not what, to the extent that I've wondered if he's got a gambling addiction or something that I don't know about. This hasn't been helped by the fact that his work over the last few years has been really erratic. We've been really struggling money-wise for a few years now.

Last week I went to the bank to pay in some money that the children were given for Christmas and DS's January birthday and was told that DS's account had been closed. I assumed that the bank had just screwed up somehow, as the DC's accounts are Trust accounts and are supposed to require 3 signatures (DP's mine and my DMum's) for any withdrawals. The woman from the bank poked about a bit and said she'd ring me back, but didn't, so I asked my DMum to pop in when she was passing and see if they had sorted it.

A few days later, last Thursday, 'D'P 'confessed' to me that he somehow linked his account online to the DS's account and has, over a period of time, drained DS's account and spent all the money (about 10k). The bank had contacted him and warned him that we were inquiring about it. I told him to leave the house and called the bank, who confirmed that he has also drained DD's account.

I can't believe he's done this - I have no idea what to say to him or to the DCs, who are still quite little (6 and 2). Apart from that, I need to sort out logistics, as DP usually does the childcare while I'm at work.

He has sent me a text saying 'please can we resolve this?', as if a quick chat will sort it out. I don't want to see him - I just don't think there's anything he can say to excuse this.

Actually that's quite good news that you now definitely know it was three signatures - hopefully it makes getting the money back more likely?

Totally agree that you need a police report asap, if only so there's no comeback on that score from the bank

After that, I really would go the legal route; as I said, your having a solicitor in the family is just brilliant!!!

I wondered if he had a 'friend' in the bank to be told about this?

"Yes he is the DCs father and we have lived together for nearly 8 years. He stole several thousand off me years ago (I gave it to him to buy me a secondhand car and he spent it on himself)".

Pity you never gave him the boot back then. The man's got form and not altogether surprisingly he has done it again.

I doubt very much that the "bank had contacted him and warned him that we were inquiring about it". I have had some experience in this area and that just does not happen.

This is a matter also for the police as it is fraud.

OP I am so sorry for you and your poor kids, he is an utter cunt! Completely selfish, I don't know how anyone could do that to their own children, or steal from the woman they are meant to love.

You sound like such a hard working person and you absolutely cannot let this man get away with this. I concur with all the other posters that said you need to phone the police, that man needs to be taught a lesson!

No online stuff for your children any longer; passbooks only for the children with two signatures required for each withdrawal.

A friend of mine set up an account that had access from abroad but made 100% sure that there was £0 overdraft on it and it could not go overdrawn.

She gave the card to someone else abroad to withdraw money from the account each month (yes against bank policy). The bank let the account go overdrawn!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Despite friend having gone against policy by giving the card & pin to someone else they did write off the debt because basically they had gone against their own terms and conditions on the account.

So either the bank has cocked up - you will get money back, or your STBX has fraudulently forged your signatures but it sounds unlikely because of the bank contacting him and not your mum.

The bank contacted him and contacted my mother and told her what they had found out and that they had spoken to him, I never got a call back from them after my initial meeting.

I guess they had to talk to him as the money went out into his account and they were checking if they were real transactions, or something? Dunno.

He has taken his own passport but the others are still here.

wetaugust I wonder if they contacted him because both op & her mum has already been in to the bank (i.e the other two trustees) so he was the only one of the three "unaware" HA!!! What an absolute bastard.

I hope you get everything back, OP & that he has to explain himself to the court. Xx

DP did not mention that the bank had spoken to him - he acted like he was 'confessing' off his own bat, but my mum told me that the bank had said they'd spoken to him. Maybe 'warned' is the wrong word.

I am so disgusted at him on your behalf. Completely cold and calculated and in the knowledge he was never meant to have the ability to withdraw the money without your agreement

He's taken his own passport???

Is he going to do a runner with the rest of the money?

Call the police! Can you bar his exit from the country? £15k might be sufficient to get him stopped.

Hmm, I think that I would listen to what some folk on here are saying and report to the police now as it might well cover you should the bank try and use it as a loophole of some sort.

But, it is theft, and fraud - and the bank are at fault.

Does he have anything of value in the house which he would not have recepits for to prove it is his...?? Because if not, then I would make sure that it/they would not be leaving the house with him- indeed, not available at the house for him to even get to. Jewellery, laptops, consoles? Recover what you can - this leech has stolen from you all for years.

My sister stole thousands from my mother's bank account by setting up another withdrawal card, having it sent to her and slowly withdrawing (daily) the max amount. It was over 70K worth. All gone. As it was a savings account, my mum only received a statement once a quarter, and she didn't see the one that would have tipped her off sooner as it was overlooked when it came in (my dad was in coma and mum was having kidney removed due to cancer - all in same month).

The bank finally admitted fault as they ignored a number of red flags on the account activity, and repaid all the money to her. Then they made a police report for fraud against my sister, with the bank being the victim.

That's most likely what will happen here. They should reimburse the money to you (fingers crossed), and then they will end up being the victims in a fraud case against him, as they are the ones ultimately out of the money.

Are you in the UK OP?

Something about what your DP is telling you doesn't sound right, I really don't think a bank would have rung him to warn him you were asking. Why would they assume he needed to be warned? Maybe as someone suggested upthread he has a contact within the bank - could this be possible? If so all the more reason to report to the police asap

Lowest of the low.

Police ASAP.

He will probably try running away if he's taken his passport.

How the fuck can somebody spend that much money and have nothing to show for it. I agree there may be gambling. Or another woman/family maybe, but given that he's generally shit with money I guess that's less likely.

I imagine the bank needed to verify with the other two on the signatures list to see if they were aware of the account activity. Not to warn him, but to ask if he was aware of it. They wouldn't ring the OP as obviously since she rang the bank, they know where's she at on it.

As well as legal advice I would suggest getting in a forensic accountant, if you can afford it. The bank will go into damage limitation and it will take a while for the case to go to the financial ombudsman.

Are you completely sure that he's spent/gambled the money? He hasn't salted it away to secret accounts?

I t does sound like gambling to me, Ex-BIL gambled away at least £100k that we're aware of, could have been far far more.

What a lowlife scumbag :-(

Yes he knows people in the bank personally - he's done business with them for years and we live in a very small place. Which is sort of my reservation about going to the police as well, tbh. Everyone will know in about 5 seconds flat and it seems a bit unfair to the DC, maybe. And even if I did get him prosecuted, it will not get the money back as he has no assets, so I'm not sure it's worth it.

He is not from this country and really has nowhere to go that I know of except his mother's in the US, so it wouldn't surprise me if he went there.

He has nothing of value. I even own 'his' car.

it sounds like he forged your signature actually

and you are being a fool not going to the police

OP, if you had no mortgage and were working two jobs, didn't you wonder why you didn't have more money? I'm assuming he wasn't working. You weren't sharing bank accounts (thank god for that) but couldn't you see where your own money was going?

He does sound like the lowest of the low and your bank needs to be taken to the Ombudsman.

Ok sleepy bank, small town...

How would it be unfair to DC for people to know what 'D'P has done? They are small children, and have no real grasp of these things. Call the police!

Yes it is worth it.

You won't get the money back from him - the bank will refund it as their errors allowed the money to be stolen.

No it won't be all over the place in 5 minutes - not reporting a crime, no. TBH that simply sounds as if you're looking for excuses not to take it further - why?!

I am astonished that you would consider dropping it - it's not even your money - that is your DC's potential house deposit/uni money! £15k!!!

Please go to the police.