Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

'D'P has stolen all the DC's money

293 replies

thatwasprettylow · 09/02/2014 21:10

Namechanged for this - I'd appreciate some advice, please. I'll try not to dripfeed but it's a long story so I'll have to annotate.

Basically, DP has a long history of being utterly hopeless with money. He seems totally incapable of spending money on things like bills, and squanders it on I know not what, to the extent that I've wondered if he's got a gambling addiction or something that I don't know about. This hasn't been helped by the fact that his work over the last few years has been really erratic. We've been really struggling money-wise for a few years now.

Last week I went to the bank to pay in some money that the children were given for Christmas and DS's January birthday and was told that DS's account had been closed. I assumed that the bank had just screwed up somehow, as the DC's accounts are Trust accounts and are supposed to require 3 signatures (DP's mine and my DMum's) for any withdrawals. The woman from the bank poked about a bit and said she'd ring me back, but didn't, so I asked my DMum to pop in when she was passing and see if they had sorted it.

A few days later, last Thursday, 'D'P 'confessed' to me that he somehow linked his account online to the DS's account and has, over a period of time, drained DS's account and spent all the money (about 10k). The bank had contacted him and warned him that we were inquiring about it. I told him to leave the house and called the bank, who confirmed that he has also drained DD's account.

I can't believe he's done this - I have no idea what to say to him or to the DCs, who are still quite little (6 and 2). Apart from that, I need to sort out logistics, as DP usually does the childcare while I'm at work.

He has sent me a text saying 'please can we resolve this?', as if a quick chat will sort it out. I don't want to see him - I just don't think there's anything he can say to excuse this.

OP posts:
thinking101 · 09/02/2014 21:49

fucking hell OP, sorry

wildwesterly · 09/02/2014 21:51

It is theft as the accounts were for the benefit of the children and 3 signatures were required to withdraw funds.It wasn't his money to take. Contact the bank first thing tomorrow and make a fuss - this shouldn't have been able to happen. By having 3 signatures you clearly minimised any risk of the funds being 'misappropriated' yet it still happened - questions need to be asked about why it did.

livingzuid · 09/02/2014 21:51

I'm so sorry you have gone through this. Trust accounts from memory require at least two signatures when I have worked on them and here you have three. Do you have the paperwork from the original account that was set up? I am Shock at the accounts being able to be closed as well that should not be able to happen without all the signatures on the forum - I am having a hell of a time trying to close down an old joint account which definitely needed two signatures to do. But that said, I was able to close down another joint account with just me over the phone. I think it does depend on the bank too.

You lose nothing by phoning the police to ask for advice. And it sounds as if the bank know something has gone wrong at their end as they are in such a flap. You probably won't get answers until tomorrow when the teams who deal with this are back at work. Try and locate the original account terms and conditions in the meantime. The bank won't be your friend.

And also try citizens advice for a good steer.

Thanks
makemineapinot · 09/02/2014 21:51

As others have said, write to the bank and tell them you are taking it further re the 3 signatures etc. you and your mum put it in writing that you did not authorise any withdrawal and together you will take it to the ombudsman and the newspapers. My xh also took out some big bank loans in both our names and against the house (1 I apparently applied for online when I was in hospital just after giving birth). The judge asked me if I wanted to go down the fraud route but reminded me that if the twat went to jail he would not be paying me my much needed maintenance. Oh how I regret not prosecuting him now as he never paid up anyway!

morethanpotatoprints · 09/02/2014 21:52

I would kick him out, call Police, contact banking ombudsmen unless they offer to put money back.
Hell no, contact them anyway.
Your dp is a load of tosh, unforgiveable in my book.

dramajustfollowsme · 09/02/2014 21:53

That is awful.
Certainly speak to the police before speaking to the bank. The bank will be helping themselves before helping you, ime.
The only reason I'd want to know where the money had gone was incase he had hidden assets you could get off him.

magoria · 09/02/2014 21:53

I would change all your card just in case he has the details written down anywhere to use on line and new pin numbers also.

What a vile shit.

LynetteScavo · 09/02/2014 21:53

What happened to FannyBazaar almost happened to a friend of mine, but her ex had the decency to tell her to move money from accounts linked to his before it did. (He was mostly scared the bank would take the DCs savings).

I'm no expert on law, but as the "D"P is the children father, and they are minors, I'm not sure how far this could go with the police.

The issue isn't the money here, IMO,it's why he spent the money when he didn't need to. It's not as if he used it to feed and clothe the DC when there was other means to do so.

RandomMess · 09/02/2014 21:54

Absolutely the police as fraud, you need to stand a hope in hell of sorting anything out in the future.

I would be so gutted, all that hard earned savings gone.

Original poster
thatwasprettylow · 09/02/2014 21:54

Yes, I want to talk to my stepfather (solicitor) before I go any further, I think. I will definitely be lodging an official complaint with the Bank (luckily none of us have any other accounts with that bank).

Then I just have to get a more flexible job, get DD into child care pronto, figure out what on earth to tell the children and get him to shift all his things out of the house (probs not in that order!).

The DC are asking where he is. I heard DS telling DD that 'Daddy has gone on holiday' (which he may have done for all I know!).

OP posts:
BeJesus · 09/02/2014 21:54

Who set the account up?
Where did the money originate from. If he helped put the money into their accounts it is it possible that he sees it as his money?
Do you have the paperwork from when you set the account up?
I would print out or copy any financial records that you have?
Can you get online access to the kids accounts so that you can see what happened?
Is he good at using computers? Will he be able to access your accounts/emails etc etc. It's not difficult to install key loggers or personal spyware.
I would also change the locks, hide other valuables and personal documents including ALL of your passports.
Btw, I think doing all of the above is very extreme but I also think you might as well be ultra careful until you know what you are dealing with.

livingzuid · 09/02/2014 21:55

He's also seemed to use you and now your children as a meal ticket for years. Really hope you manage to find a way forward without him in your life. Am disgusted by this what a horrible thing to do.

expatinscotland · 09/02/2014 21:57

God, what a prick!

Hissy · 09/02/2014 21:59

I'm so sorry, this is just terrible! :( please call the police as soon as you can, and call the bank to ascertain why they allowed this.

You have to do this to have any chance of getting your dc money back.

What a horrible shock.

Custardo · 09/02/2014 21:59

oh OP so sorry, god i hope you get things sorted

Puzzledandpissedoff · 09/02/2014 22:00

You have a solicitor in the family? Oh, now that's nice!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BrokenButNotFinished · 09/02/2014 22:01

Do you know where he's sleeping tonight...? I only ask because you probably don't want him creeping in when the pubs close. (And I guess you haven't had an opportunity to change the locks in the last hour.)

wetaugust · 09/02/2014 22:02

Yes, I want to talk to my stepfather (solicitor) before I go any further, I think. I will definitely be lodging an official complaint with the Bank (luckily none of us have any other accounts with that bank).

You should report this to the Police immediately. If you don't the Bank could question why you didn't do so immediately.

It doesn't take a solicitor to work out that if 3 signatures are required and the money has gone - your DP is a thief.

ChrisMooseMickey · 09/02/2014 22:04

This is possibly the worst thing I have ever read on here Shock

Your poor poor children. Fucking hell.

Get rid. And phone the police.

caroldecker · 09/02/2014 22:07

I think that if the bank are at fault and you want the money back, you will have to report your DH to the police. I suspect they will prosecute and maybe he will go to prison.
I will not say he does not deserve this, but you will to decide if this is the best thing for the DC's.
If you cannot see where the money has gone then is is either gambling or another family.

MrChow · 09/02/2014 22:07

To have more chance of recovering the money you need to definitely get police involved. I'd be thinking along the lines too that he's had credit in your name / joint names and maybe its to pay that back or in addition. Either way what he's done is very low, and sleekit.
Is there any way he could've remortgaged without you knowing?

Poor you and the children.

Original poster
thatwasprettylow · 09/02/2014 22:08

God, what a prick!

Well, quite. A complete tool.

We all (me, DP and DMum) set the account up together - we all had to go in and show ID and sign. We wanted 2 out of 3 of us to have to sign but the Bank said it had to be all or one, so we set it up as all (an 'and' account, apparently) I checked with the bank and they confirmed that the account was an 'and' not an 'or' account, so they've definitely messed up somehow.

I don't have online access to the DCs accounts - DP is an IT tech, so yes, he may have done something fiddly.

He put a very small amount of the money into DS's account, but I put the vast majority in (had quite a well-paying job at the time that I knew wouldn't last, so I wanted to save while I could). I don't think he ever put anything into DDs. The rest of the money was from GPs, godparents, friends etc, lots of whom gave money instead of presents for Christmases and birthdays. Every penny they were ever given went in.

Off to check for passports now.

OP posts:
Allalonenow · 09/02/2014 22:09

Protect your own money as a priority, set up new accounts with a new bank, change all financial passwords, watch all card transactions like a hawk, if you have any joint cards cancel them ASAP.
You don't know what information he has hidden away ready to use, also he may have debts you are unaware of.
Any family valuables I would take elsewhere for safe keeping, perhaps your step father could help with this.
Change your locks too, if this is queried, say you lost your keys.

OddFodd · 09/02/2014 22:10

Please call the police thatwas. He's stolen money from your children. You may feel resigned (you sound it) but he's stolen from their future. They need you to fight for them

wetaugust · 09/02/2014 22:11

The bank had contacted him and warned him that we were inquiring about it.

Now why would the bank contact him and not contact the all 3 trustees? Banks don't contact people and tell them that fellow trustees have 'made enquiries'. It just doesn't happen.

Swipe left for the next trending thread