'D'P has stolen all the DC's money

[thatwasprettylow]

Namechanged for this - I'd appreciate some advice, please. I'll try not to dripfeed but it's a long story so I'll have to annotate.

Basically, DP has a long history of being utterly hopeless with money. He seems totally incapable of spending money on things like bills, and squanders it on I know not what, to the extent that I've wondered if he's got a gambling addiction or something that I don't know about. This hasn't been helped by the fact that his work over the last few years has been really erratic. We've been really struggling money-wise for a few years now.

Last week I went to the bank to pay in some money that the children were given for Christmas and DS's January birthday and was told that DS's account had been closed. I assumed that the bank had just screwed up somehow, as the DC's accounts are Trust accounts and are supposed to require 3 signatures (DP's mine and my DMum's) for any withdrawals. The woman from the bank poked about a bit and said she'd ring me back, but didn't, so I asked my DMum to pop in when she was passing and see if they had sorted it.

A few days later, last Thursday, 'D'P 'confessed' to me that he somehow linked his account online to the DS's account and has, over a period of time, drained DS's account and spent all the money (about 10k). The bank had contacted him and warned him that we were inquiring about it. I told him to leave the house and called the bank, who confirmed that he has also drained DD's account.

I can't believe he's done this - I have no idea what to say to him or to the DCs, who are still quite little (6 and 2). Apart from that, I need to sort out logistics, as DP usually does the childcare while I'm at work.

He has sent me a text saying 'please can we resolve this?', as if a quick chat will sort it out. I don't want to see him - I just don't think there's anything he can say to excuse this.

You need to go to the police, you should get the money back from the bank - it all depends how he has managed to withdraw it.

I don't think it would be unfair on your DC, and even if the bank can't recover it from him, you can perhaps recover it from the bank so that your children still have their money.

I can see you not wanting to air your dirty laundry, but if he vanishes then there will be some kind of story circulating so it may as well be the truth.

What's not fair on the dc is having their money stolen by their father! Of course you have to report to the police, he has committed a major crime. By the sounds of it you may be lucky enough for the bank to admit a fault and reimburse the money. I can't believe your being so dismissive about it to be honest.

First of all, you need to report this. If he's done anything else financially, it may ruin your credit. If you report it, it's a mitigating factor that can go on your credit file.

And it may not be your decision anyway. The bank is well within their rights to make the police report themselves, and there is nothing you can do about that. And if they make the report, they will press charges. With or without your cooperation.

So everyone knows. So what, really? The bank employees shouldn't be discussing it with anyone outside of work, neither should the police employees. Your DCs shouldn't hear about it from any of them. And nothing to be embarrassed about - YOU did nothing wrong.

Yes go to the banking ombudsman however to maximise your chances of getting the money back you also need to inform the police and let them investigate this fraud.

I know its the last thing you want to do and think it may hurt your children but it will hurt them more years down the line when they ask what you did to protect their interests and find out you didn't go down every avenue of recovery or recompense you could.

this is the second time he has stolen thousands from you and you still won't involve the police ?

are you crazy ?

Oh thatwasprettylow how dreadful for you and your DCs. The advice given here has been great and I can't really add. I just wanted to pick up on what wetaugust noticed because that didn't ring true for me either. Once you are in a stronger place you may want to revisit that.

I think you're dealing with this really well. I'm sure it doesn't feel like that, but you are being really clear-headed.

Sorry to press the point but is this in the UK? The police won't tell everyone what's happened, the only way people would find out is if/when it went to court and might hit the local papers.

I'm asking about the country as I think most of us are giving advice based on this being a UK bank and it just doesn't sound like it is. Ime it's not easy to close a bank account and certainly not easy to just pop into a branch and find someone you can actually talk to never mind get them to call you back.

Everyone will know in about 5 seconds flat and it seems a bit unfair to the DC, maybe.

Not half as unfair as having their bank accounts drained of 10K!

And even if I did get him prosecuted, it will not get the money back as he has no assets, so I'm not sure it's worth it.

You really are getting yourself in a muddle over this. If 3 signatures were needed then the bank is at fault and the bank pay up. If you don't complain to the Police the bank probably will anyway and will be very suspicious of you not reporting it as soon as you found the money gone.

You seem to have absolutely no idea of the duty the law places on trustees to act in the interest of the trust's beneficiaries at all times. i.e. You have a duty as a Trustee protect the funds and if your DP has fraudently misrepresented himself as 2 of his fellow Trustees in order to drain the account you have a duty to report it.

Are you even thinking about your responsibity to your children in all this as you struggle to make excuses for not reporting your scumbag partner to the Police?

How do people get their priorities so badly screwed

Oh ignore my post I was delayed in posting and that's all been explained! Agree with the others though, the police is the way to go.

So what if everyone knows? Might stop him being able to steal from anyone else if they are forewarned. Might also make everyone who hears about it check how secure their money is with this bank.

The main issue is that this may well need to be reported as a crime for the bank to pay you back, because they should not have allowed the money transfer- they can then chase your partner to repay it. There are two people at fault here- your partner for stealing the money, and the person at the bank who gave authority for the money to be transferred without following the correct procedure.

You need to inform the police that he's taken his passport and may be planning to leave the country- don't forget that he might be fraudulently using eg your credit card to pay for flights so keep a close eye.

Oh my God, myDSis's ex did this to her, week, their son. Emptied his account, gambled it away. My sister went to court and hew was ordered to pay or back, after 2 out of date cheques were sent, my sister eventually had to give up as it was costing her almost as much trying to get it back as he has stolen, and he clearly wasn't goingto pay.

This behaviour will never stop, you need toLTB.

Blimey, the OP has come asking for support and advice. Calling her a 'fool' and referring to her as 'crazy' is nasty and uncalled for.

I agree. Arent you letting your dc down if you DON'T go to the police, as surely the bank are more likely to pay the money back if they know an investigation is ongoing?

Also if your dc did hear about this at a later date you would have set a good example to them by reporting it.

plus if you dont stop this man now he might go off and do similar to another poor family.

Could you contact his family in the US and shame him?

So sorry this awful man happened to your family.

thatwas no you really do need to prosecute and also hold the bank accountable too - if you let it go you will be understood to be consenting to the theft. Even if you never get a penny back you need to stand up for what is right.

Plus if you can show that the bank was negligent then THEY should be the ones out of pocket on this - unless they can prove they did all due diligence then they should refund you and then pursue the hopeless case against your ex-'D'P themselves.

... and, if your DC ever find out that their Trust has been raided they could sue you and your mother as failing in your duty as Trustees.

What's your mother's view on all this. Does she want to sweep it under the carpet too?

Yes, OP needs to be "supported" in no uncertain terms to report him this time

he has stolen thousands from her before

a pat on the head and "poor you" doesn't cut it here I am afraid

Police definitely. Bit confused as to why the accounts are closed and not 'just' drained?

oh dear oh dear

I do do agree with basically EVERYONE that this needs to be reported to the police

(a) you might get it back from bank
(b) it covers your arse somewhat, what if he has a credit card in your name and is spending it ? i bet he is if he has fucked off
(c) how do you know he wont come back and demand more money?

look we dont know everything, but report, if needs be go to a larger town and a more anonymous ploice station

Bloody hell,I must say you seem to be taking this in your stride, I'd be spitting feathers and phoning every possible authority to get that money back.

He's definitely got some sort of addiction though hasn't he?

Nightmare for you op, have a and some then ring the police

How is it unfair to your dc for the person who stole 15k from them nit to be held accountable

You don't even know the true extent of his deceit

I'm guessing that he was as home with dc during the day so could have hidden any post about his activities

You owe him nothing,

You do owe your dc the chance of recovering their money and to do that you need to contact the police

You say you don't have online access to these accounts, so he set up the online facility himself.

I don't know if you'd need 3 signatures in order to do that, but it would seem an odd loophole if one of the party can set up an online facility with no problem. It's also odd that the bank contacted him to say you'd been enquiring about the account, but they didn't contact you regarding his activity on the account.

So either he's forged your signatures as others have said, or he's hoodwinked some naive bank employees, or there's an IT security loophole when it comes to setting up online access to a 3 sig trust account.

I'm sure your step father will confirm that it has to be reported to the Police as a crime, otherwise you and your mother could be thought to be complicit in the theft, also failing in your duty as trustees.

The Police need to investigate how it was possible for the accounts to be drained and closed without the 3 signatures required.

you need to contact the police if for no other reason than do it for this one

if the bank has acted inappropriately, they might give your money back

you get your money back

whether the bank can then get their money back off him - is neither here nor there

but they will question why you havent xontacted police

If you can, get "his" car back - technically it is yours to do with what you want

Otherwise, get in touch with the police.

Fucking lowlife