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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

SIL has just left and I can't stop crying (warning upseting)

243 replies

helpcantstopcrying · 08/02/2014 22:08

Namechanged for this
Okay so SIL (DHs older sister) has always been hard to get along with. She has 3 lovely DCs but she is very negative about them and went they were younger they pretty much lived at the PILs house. But she seems to think she is the greatest mum in the world and nobody can compete with her.
She was also best friends with DHs ex-wife who left DH with their 2 DCs and rarely sees the DCs now and changes her number frequently and doesn't tell us or just doesn't bother answering. We think SIL is still in contact with her but when we ask she just laughs and says she won't say either way.

Everything I do isn't good enough, anything the DCs do hers have done something better. Anything I do is wrong and ex-wife did it better. We have limited contact with her to just family occasions for PILs who agree that she can be bitchy but ask us all to be civil when we have to be together.

So tonight DH is in work and the DCs have gone to PILs for a sleepover. SIL appeared at the door sobbing asking to talk to DH. When I said he isn't in she said she wanted to come in anyway. She was in tears in the rain in just a t-shirt and jeans, I thought something awful must have happened so I let her in made her some tea and got some blankets for her.

So half an hour later she had stopped crying and had taken control of the tv gotten some chocolate out her bag and kept laughing if I tried to talk to her. I gave up and just sat there watching her watch the tv.

Then her program finished and she asked me were the DCs were I said PILs house and she spent ages ranting about me taking advantage of the PILs (the DCs stay over there every 6 months or so at their request) I just nodded and explained that the PILs had asked them to come over. She wouldn't listen and kept saying I was a crap mum and ex-wife wouldn't abandon the DCs like that.
In the end I snapped and pointed out that ex-wife had abandoned the DCs therefore I am a better mum than her.
SIL started shouting that I was a witch who had made her brother into a crap dad. I said we were both good parents and she needed to leave now.

She ran into the dining room to the locked glass cupboard were my dad's ashes and some of his things are kept. The glass cupboard was built specially to store my dad's things away from the DCs because in his will he asked to be 'let go' on a certain day in the summer. He died in November so obviously this day hasn't been yet.
Anyway she smashed the cupboard with a small statue on my windowsill before I could catch her I grabbed her and I was begging her to just go. She hit me repeatedly in the face and in the end I let go she got into the cupboard and she chucked my dad's things everywhere and spat inside the jar holding my dad's ashes.

I am not proud of this but I lost it and I dragged her by her hair out of my house and chucked her out of the door telling her I hoped she died because no-one would care. She said that she prefered ex-wife to me I would never compare and everyone would be happier if I just killed myself.

I have closed the door she has gone and I have called DH and told him he has to come home but I haven't told him why.
The worst part is I have let my poor dad down and I can never make it right, some of his things are broken beyond repair and I must be the worst daughter in the world.

OP posts:
Wishfulmakeupping · 08/02/2014 22:28

Call the police

Wishfulmakeupping · 08/02/2014 22:28

Call the police

KickassCoalition · 08/02/2014 22:28

That is dreadful. You must call the police, she is seriously in need of... Well I'm not sure what but you can't let this go.

BuildUpMyFence · 08/02/2014 22:28

I am open mouthed, I am so sorry OP. I am not keen on StepMum's due to my experiences of them, from what you say you have taken on two children and done your best for them after they were abandoned by their Mum. You sound like you and DH are doing a great job.

Fluffycloudland77 · 08/02/2014 22:29

Call the police, you don't have to put up with that kind of behaviour.

DandyDindie · 08/02/2014 22:29

This woman is a danger to you and your kids need their mum. She is clearly unstable. Call the police. Her behaviour is clearly escalating, is malicious, devious and unpredictable. She may need help. Reporting her will see that you and your family are protected.

ohfourfoxache · 08/02/2014 22:30

Re reading, so that's assault and criminal damage. Please, I hope to God you're on the phone to the police now Sad

Quinteszilla · 08/02/2014 22:30

Is this sacrilege of the dead?

IamInvisible · 08/02/2014 22:30

You haven't let your Dad down at all.

She is an evil cow, and I would have done a darn site more than drag her out by her hair! Please call the Police, she needs to know that she can not behave in this way.

I hope your DH will be home soon.

DrMaybe · 08/02/2014 22:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

youarewinning · 08/02/2014 22:30

Please ring the police.

You've not let your dad down at all - I'm sure he's really proud of you becoming a great SM and for the way you've handled SIL.

The way you describe your SIL arriving at your house and then the laughing and sudden rage I really think you should call the police - her children will thank you if she's having some kind of breakdown and you've intervened. If if she's just a horrid woman she deserves it full stop.

Quinteszilla · 08/02/2014 22:31

I also think she sounds unhinged and could be in need of professional help. Calling the police can get her this help. You have also no idea what happened to her prior to her showing up at yours, she could have been a victim of something, or done something to somebody else.

BrianTheMole · 08/02/2014 22:31

Nasty fucking bitch. SHE is a nasty bitch. Wtf is her problem? I have the rage for you. I would call the police. She's thought about doing that before she even got to you. That wasn't an irrational thing on the spur of the moment. Don't let her get away with it.
I'm sorry btw. But you haven't wrecked anything. She has.

BuildUpMyFence · 08/02/2014 22:31

I would never let her in the house again or set foot in a house she was in until she has visited her GP and sorted herself out.

You need to keep your family safe and she is a big danger to you all right now.

Quoteunquote · 08/02/2014 22:32

Phone 101, and deal with it properly, and phone the in laws to let them know what has happened, as she may well turn up there.

CatAmongThePigeons · 08/02/2014 22:33

Hope your DH is on the way now, call Police then PIL, you needto let them know what has happened too

helpcantstopcrying · 08/02/2014 22:33

I forgot she may go the PILs, I will call them now and ask them not to let her in.
I will wait till DH comes home before I go to the police. I know I should have called the police before it got out of hand but it seemed to happen so fast.

OP posts:
DietofWorms · 08/02/2014 22:33

I'm going to say the opposite to everyone else (sort of).

DON'T call the police - you assaulted her.

I don't blame you. She did worse to you. She's a cow, she had it coming and I would have done exactly the same if not worse. But the police won't see it that way and you might end up in trouble.

I'm not blaming you at all, as I say I think she deserved it. I just don't want you to get into trouble.

Featherbag · 08/02/2014 22:34

She sounds utterly unhinged - for everyone's sake, including hers, please call the police!

Fluffycloudland77 · 08/02/2014 22:34

It was self defence though, ops in her own home being attacked and her belongings have been damaged.

DrMaybe · 08/02/2014 22:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CatAmongThePigeons · 08/02/2014 22:35

SIL hit out first add criminal damage to that and I think the OP wouldn't have anything to worry about tbh.

FracturedViewOfLife · 08/02/2014 22:35

I would definitely call the police. I hope your DH gets home soon.

Fluffycloudland77 · 08/02/2014 22:35

I do take your point though, the laws not as clear cut as we like to think.

ohfourfoxache · 08/02/2014 22:35

Self defence, Diet - certainly sounds like reasonable force