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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

SIL has just left and I can't stop crying (warning upseting)

243 replies

helpcantstopcrying · 08/02/2014 22:08

Namechanged for this
Okay so SIL (DHs older sister) has always been hard to get along with. She has 3 lovely DCs but she is very negative about them and went they were younger they pretty much lived at the PILs house. But she seems to think she is the greatest mum in the world and nobody can compete with her.
She was also best friends with DHs ex-wife who left DH with their 2 DCs and rarely sees the DCs now and changes her number frequently and doesn't tell us or just doesn't bother answering. We think SIL is still in contact with her but when we ask she just laughs and says she won't say either way.

Everything I do isn't good enough, anything the DCs do hers have done something better. Anything I do is wrong and ex-wife did it better. We have limited contact with her to just family occasions for PILs who agree that she can be bitchy but ask us all to be civil when we have to be together.

So tonight DH is in work and the DCs have gone to PILs for a sleepover. SIL appeared at the door sobbing asking to talk to DH. When I said he isn't in she said she wanted to come in anyway. She was in tears in the rain in just a t-shirt and jeans, I thought something awful must have happened so I let her in made her some tea and got some blankets for her.

So half an hour later she had stopped crying and had taken control of the tv gotten some chocolate out her bag and kept laughing if I tried to talk to her. I gave up and just sat there watching her watch the tv.

Then her program finished and she asked me were the DCs were I said PILs house and she spent ages ranting about me taking advantage of the PILs (the DCs stay over there every 6 months or so at their request) I just nodded and explained that the PILs had asked them to come over. She wouldn't listen and kept saying I was a crap mum and ex-wife wouldn't abandon the DCs like that.
In the end I snapped and pointed out that ex-wife had abandoned the DCs therefore I am a better mum than her.
SIL started shouting that I was a witch who had made her brother into a crap dad. I said we were both good parents and she needed to leave now.

She ran into the dining room to the locked glass cupboard were my dad's ashes and some of his things are kept. The glass cupboard was built specially to store my dad's things away from the DCs because in his will he asked to be 'let go' on a certain day in the summer. He died in November so obviously this day hasn't been yet.
Anyway she smashed the cupboard with a small statue on my windowsill before I could catch her I grabbed her and I was begging her to just go. She hit me repeatedly in the face and in the end I let go she got into the cupboard and she chucked my dad's things everywhere and spat inside the jar holding my dad's ashes.

I am not proud of this but I lost it and I dragged her by her hair out of my house and chucked her out of the door telling her I hoped she died because no-one would care. She said that she prefered ex-wife to me I would never compare and everyone would be happier if I just killed myself.

I have closed the door she has gone and I have called DH and told him he has to come home but I haven't told him why.
The worst part is I have let my poor dad down and I can never make it right, some of his things are broken beyond repair and I must be the worst daughter in the world.

OP posts:
Damnautocorrect · 08/02/2014 23:28

Please cover your arse and call the police before she makes bizarre accusations against you. Although I appreciate you want to talk to dh about it.

Quinteszilla · 08/02/2014 23:31

Yes, it is one and a half hour since your first post, where is your dh? Why is he not home now?

YellowTulips · 08/02/2014 23:31

Is your DH back yet?

DreamToSleep · 08/02/2014 23:33

Hope you are ok OP.. Please ring the police.

HoneyandRum · 08/02/2014 23:35

Please call the police. Take control of the situation, don't like the control be taken by someone's else - especially SIL.

EverythingIsTicketyBoo · 08/02/2014 23:36

I'm hoping your too busy with DH and the police OP, there has been some brilliant advice on here for you Thanks

ohfourfoxache · 08/02/2014 23:37

Hope op hasn't returned because she is on the phone to the police and being comforted by her DH

theborg · 08/02/2014 23:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LilQueenie · 08/02/2014 23:41

Sorry this has happened to you. This SIL is a total shit mum. not you. Dont wait for your DH call the police now. she is off her face and you need to let them know to protect your DC on the chance she may turn up where they are staying. Dont worry about her kids. They need the help to protect them from your SIL. I really hope you get this sorted tonight. If I were you I would press charges and get a restraining order. Although tbh I would probably have beaten her so bad she would still be lying on my doorstep. Grr so angry on your behalf!

Xfirefly · 08/02/2014 23:44

hope you're OK OP Thanks

jnl0612 · 08/02/2014 23:47

What a bitch. Defo call the police. Sounds like she needs help to me

cees · 08/02/2014 23:52

Call the police for heavens sake she assaulted you, next time she might get one of the kids. She didn't think about your kids when she came to your home tonight to assault you. It doesn't matter how many kids she has, imagine what they have to put with at home if she is that bad with you.

Call the police, you never know it could be the kick up the arse she needs to get her head sorted.

confuddledDOTcom · 09/02/2014 00:09

Oh my Sad hope everything gets sorted out, you can't let this rest!

Oh and you're an amazing mum to take on someone else's kids when they disappear and your dad wouldn't blame you over this, you weren't in control.

CouthyMow · 09/02/2014 00:51

Call the police. In this situation, you were using 'reasonable force' to eject her from your home as you were in fear of her assaulting you more, don't let anyone worry you about that part of it. PLEASE call the police. This woman needs help, and to be dealt with appropriately.

YOU haven't let your dad down. Your SIL has BIG problems, SHE has let everyone down. All you were doing was trying to be nice to a relative when they were upset.

RM0104 · 09/02/2014 04:29

Wow. Hope you are too busy talking to the authorities to update!

Isetan · 09/02/2014 06:19

The only way you can let your dad down is by not taking care of his daughter and by chucking this pathetic excuse for a human out of your house. I'm sure your dad is pretty impressed with his daughter right now, do you really think he would prioritise his things over his DD?

Her attack was shocking in the extreme but it does highlight something even more scarier, this woman is responsible for children. Who looks out for her children?

There is something very wrong here and MIL anxiety has probably contributed to the softly, softly let's do nothing approach which means that SIL behaviour has gone unchecked. The rot stops now, professionals need to be involved. Not reporting this means getting professional help/ intervention is going to be difficult, if not impossible to access. The only benefit of not calling the police now is saving 'family face' but in the light of what's just happend that's a pretty high price to pay for violent assault and child neglect.

I'm worried that the first instinct of your DH and his family will be to protect SIL, and by extension themselves, from the perceived embarrassment of professional intervention.

Clutterbugsmum · 09/02/2014 07:57

Hope you managed some sleep last night.

If you don't go to the police, please make sure everyone know what she has done. Don't be persuaded by MIL that it was a 'mistake/accident' it wasn't it was preplanned. If she had taken drugs then her inhibitions were lowered so acted how she wanted.

As others have said why would you tell your parents to going out drinking and drug taking it is not adult (or even teenager behaviour). It sounds like your SIL feeds of drama inflicted on people around her.

I would also let her ex husband know about her behaviour last night and that you think she having a breakdown so he can protect his children if need be.

ohfourfoxache · 09/02/2014 08:13

How are you Help?

Logg1e · 09/02/2014 08:20

I'm guessing no police call and that this will all be minimised and brushed under the carpet.

ChasedByBees · 09/02/2014 08:21

I hope you're OK too. It's not too late to call the police. Your father wouldn't blame you for this. ((Hugs))

HoneyandRum · 09/02/2014 08:36

I sincerely hope you did call the police. If you didn't/don't you will have no previous evidence if things escalate further. She can also "explain" it away if you don't have independent verification.

I'm so sorry this happened OP, how are you today? Did DH come home?

Mumof3xx · 09/02/2014 08:39

I also hope you did call the police

What an awful woman

Is she usually like this? She doesn't sound all there!

MadIsTheNewNormal · 09/02/2014 08:45

Good God. Is this for real? Do vile people like this really exist? Shock

MrsS1980 · 09/02/2014 08:52

Hope you called the Police OP. Things tend to look better in the cold light of day. They aren't. Make sure you take action to protect your dcs, her dcs and yourselves. Good luck sweetheart.

fanjolina · 09/02/2014 08:57

Hope you're feeling better today. This is one of the most shocking stories I've ever read on here!

And you haven't let your dad down x